How's your birth control?

Two foreign students studying at a local university want to interview Mum for a course on rural development. I have agreed to act as the translator for the interview, which will take place at Mum's shop tonight.

The students are aged in their mid-20s and are a pleasant couple. They look so much alike that they are often mistaken for lovers. They started coming to Mum's shop a few weeks ago.

I suspect they have passed the phase when they need to spend time with foreign tourists. As international students they belong in a different class, which is perhaps why they choose to spend their time in places such as Mum's shop which foreigners rarely visit.

The pair have made touching efforts to speak and write the language, which always goes down well with Thais. Last night, they scribbled their names in Thai on a whiteboard Mum has erected at her shop.

Mum is excited about the interview. 'Is this for a thesis?' she asked.

The students tell me the questions will be broad. Even if they were detailed and personal, I am sure Mum would not mind. Thais are surprisingly open about topics which foreigners would consider off-limits for public consumption.

A taxi driver asked the other day if I had a lover. He used the word faen (แฟน), which can mean boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. It is not gender specific. The taxi driver assumed I meant a girlfriend or wife, and carried on. 'Yes,' I said. Next question: 'Do you have any children?'

I answered No to that one. I like to answer questions honestly, and so far, so good. As we approached the last bend in the road towards Mum's shop, he asked me about birth control.

'Does your lover take anything?'

'No,' I said.

That was truthful, too.

The taxi driver looked at me.

'So how do you stop having children?'

'She closes her legs before I cum, so the sperm does not enter the vaginal canal,' I said, recalling the days in my distant past when I lived with a woman.

The driver asked for a fuller description, which I gave. Maybe he'll get his own girlfriend to try that trick.

Then, the question which I suspect he had been dying to ask since the conversation began.

'Do farang men cum faster than Thai men?'

This was one I could have answered based on what I know about gay relationships in Thailand, though not about my own relationship with boyfriend Maiyuu, as we don't do the wild thing.

'It depends on whether they are excited by their lover. If they are looking down at an ugly face, then it might take longer,' I said.

He laughed.

At that moment, we arrived at Mum's shop. I was spared the need to answer any more personal questions. And I don't think I had to lie even once.