The polite farang

I bought a bunch of red roses for the shopkeeper who lent me B50 on the night before pay day, when my money had run out. I shall call her Jay.

I bought them from a shophouse nearby.

I buy roses there every couple of days, to decorate our condo.

A young woman serves me. She spends her days making flower garlands which Thais drape over pictures of Lord Buddha, or anyone else who they hope can bring them good luck.

'The red ones look nice ... please give me a dozen,' I said.

Back at home, I put the roses in water. Later in the afternoon, once I knew Jay's stall would be open, I took them down to the market.

Jay runs a food stall with her husband. Every night they make three orders for me, which they pack in white styrofoam cartons. We pay them twice a month, when my pay comes out.

She looked concerned to see me approach, as if something was wrong. Normally I only see her at night.

'Thank you for your offer to help last night. I have bought some flowers to say thanks,' I said.

Jay, who wears a motherly apron and always looks busy, was shocked.

'Why did you do that? You are a regular customer. It is us who should be grateful,' she said, looking embarrassed.

For a Thai, accepting unexpected gifts can be awkward. It threatens to upset the natural balance of things.

Jay is self-effacing. If I give her something, she doesn't know what to do. I have just put her in a debt of thanks.

Foreigners are more direct. If we want to show our gratitude, we just express it, often by buying small gifts.

I thought I'd better say something, to minimise the significance of the gesture.

'It's okay. Farang like to buy gifts to say thanks. It's a funny custom,' I said.

Jay looked relieved.

'They look beautiful,' she said.

'Tonight, you would like three boxes as usual?' Jay asked, putting our conversation back on a safe, business-like footing.

My friend need not feel too humble to accept gifts from this farang, as we are usually tardy about paying our bill.

Yesterday, I asked boyfriend Maiyuu if he had paid the bill at her shop.

'That's my duty...you don't need to interfere,' he said, annoyed.

Translation: No. I forgot.

I urged him to pay before he went to work.