Country cousins (part 1)

Jap, Mum on Mother's Day in 2019

"If you want to send money to other people's kids, why not support my son?"

That was my partner's elder sister, caustically remarking on my relationship with a young man whose father lives in the same condo complex as me.

My partner heard it, but didn’t add much. He knew this young man, Jap, had stolen my heart, though hoped it would not last long. 

Unlike Jap, who had no compunction about trying to part me from my money, Maiyuu knew the money was mine and he had no right to demand it, even though by rights he should enjoy a bigger claim on my earnings than a young man whose family is not my own.

I have known the father, Sin, for years as a drinking friend. About six years ago I met his son, Jap, when the lad visited his Dad during the school holidays. Jap was 15 at the time and seemed close to his Dad. I recall one touching scene when he lent into his father's lap while his father squeezed a spot on his face. Well, perhaps not touching...but it showed a bond of sorts.

I was missing my own family and offered to help him financially. Jap was living in Nong Kai in the Northeast with his aunt on his father's side of the family, who gave him just 40 baht to spend at school. He was expected to help on the rice farm at weekends during cropping season but did not get wages or an allowance, he said.

Sin's wife, Oiy, who works as a cleaner in Bangkok, transferred a few hundred baht every week to help with his upkeep but the money went directly to the aunt; he saw none of it himself.

I offered to send a modest amount of 200 baht a month or thereabouts, but before the day was done Jap, out of his father's hearing, had persuaded me to send money every week, and increase the total amount. In return I would get to enter his life as a surrogate dad or uncle, which was rewarding enough though expensive.

Jap was never happy with the money I sent, and bargained with me constantly to transfer more. His father knew I was helping, and urged me to send less, as he was worried my partner would find out. 

At one point I was sending 400 baht a week, which is way more than most school kids in Esan would get from their families, as most are poor and live with their lot. 

I found out later from Oiy, who did not know I was sending Jap money until many months after I started, that he liked boasting to his school friends that he had a farang "uncle" who supported him.

In addition to the regular cash transfers I bought him an acoustic guitar, casual clothes, school books, a phone...I even paid several thousand baht to help him join a direct sales scheme.  

Jap's needs were many and varied. On one occasion, he called desperately needing cash to cut a new key for his friend's motorbike. They were out together and found themselves stranded, having lost the original and unable to get home. He called his mother, but she was too busy to send money, while his father, who had no full-time job and subsisted on a meagre daily allowance from his partner for cigarettes, couldn't help.

When I think back on the 18 months or so that I supported him regularly, I am mystified as to why I bothered. The family was not short of money: They owned a pickup and at least one motorbike. She also had plenty of cash salted away, according to Sin.

Sin assured me he had told his partner, Oiy, that I was supporting the lad, but this turned out not to be true. Nor did Jap's aunt in Nong Kai know. In her case, I was less concerned, as she had two children of her own to bring up so it was inevitable that occasionally Jap would miss out when money ran short - hence my willingness to help.

now, see part 2