Saturday, 14 August 2010

Smell of an oily rag


Maiyuu bought a small garland of flowers for his mother the other day, to mark Thai Mother’s Day.

He draped the garland over an old black and white picture of his Mum, who died when he was in his mid-teens.

He erected her picture on top of the TV, where he could see her during the day. Normally, she sits in a frame we have hanging on the wall.

At first I didn't notice her, sitting in her new pride of place.

'What are you doing for your Mum today?' I asked.

'She's on the TV,' Maiyuu replied matter-of-factly.

I looked. The TV was airing some American comedy rubbish. I couldn't see his Mum anywhere, and what would she be doing on that show anyway?

'Where?'

'On the TV!'

I felt one of those strange Thai moments creeping upon me. A Thai has just explained something to me in the simplest of terms, but I still don't get it.

'There!' he exclaimed, pointing.

Ah. found her.

I didn’t see the garland laying ceremony. Maiyuu being Maiyuu, I doubt it was anything elaborate, as he dislikes pretence.

He would have bought it, draped it over the picture, and that’s that.

-
Five minutes' walk away, at Ball’s place, Mother’s Day was going far from well, at least for Ball's Mum.

A couple of months ago, Ball's mother entered a petrol venture with Kung, a wormy neighbour from the slums.

Kung, a small, wiry man with greasy hair and large tattoos, drives about town, buying cheap petrol from dubious sources, for sale elsewhere. He employs Ball’s younger brother, Beer (Mr B), to help him lift it into the back of a pick-up truck.

On the night before Mother’s Day, they were stopped by police.

At the time, Mr B was doing what he does best – sleeping, in the cabin of the truck. Mum owns the vehicle, which she bought at oily Kung’s urging.

When I dropped in to Ball's place on Mother's Day morning, I found Mum rifling through documents, looking for her house registration and home ownership papers.

Police from the local station, where Mr B and Kung spent the night in the cells, had asked for them.

She was to spend the rest of the day talking to police, and the next day as well.

Mr B was finally bailed late yesterday. Police have laid theft charges against him and Kung, which they will have to fight in court.

The truck, which stank of petrol fumes, has been impounded.

Thursday, 12 August 2010

Making a difference

At Ball’s place, a small family gathering had been underway for several hours.

Well, ‘family’ in the loose sense of the word.

Mum was out. In the sitting room I found Ball, and his girlfriend huddled in a corner next to him. Elder brother Boy the soldier was there, as was elder sister Kae’s partner, and a cousin.

Toddler Fresh was still up, playing.

Earlier, when I called from work, Ball invited me around.

The adults were sitting among half-eaten bowls of food, some of which had spilled on the floor.

A bottle of whisky, nearly empty, sat there too.

The boys decided to have a lad’s night at home, to celebrate the start of a long weekend. Today is Mother’s Day in Thailand, coinciding with the Queen’s birthday.

Mum is thinking of taking the family to see her own mother in Onnut, for a one-day visit.

However, I doubt Ball will be in much shape for going anywhere, as he did himself no favours last night.

He gave me a cheery welcome when I arrived, but I could tell he was well past his best.

My young friend’s eyes were hooded, and his head hung down on his chest. He looked shocking.

His girlfriend Jay, the only one without a glass, was fed up, and wanted him to stop.

Ball, nursing his drink, spoke to her brusquely. She went to bed in a huff.

The other young men in the gathering appeared sober, but oblivious to the state in which Ball had drunk himself.

The cousin, whose name I can’t remember, shook my hand, and played the convivial host.

‘You don’t mind our little gathering, do you?’ he said pleasantly, asking if I was offended at the sight of the mess on Mum’s living room floor.

‘No, of course not,’ I replied.

'Ball, you can finish that. We’ll buy some beer,’ he said.

He emptied the rest of the bottle into Ball’s glass: way too much under ordinary circumstances, and certainly too much given the state he was in.

Ball turned to me, still upset about the way his girlfriend spoke to him.

‘I now have a job...no one can stop me if I want to relax at home. I am not getting into trouble outdoors. No one has the right...I hate it when people annoy me,’ he slurred.

Half an hour later, Ball realised he had taken enough He shook my hand, and staggered upstairs.

The young men in the group watched him leave, but said little. Seconds later, the conversation resumed where it had left off.

I excused myself.

I can't understand how they can be so complacent.

Yes, he demands his freedom. But how they can stand by as Ball, a member of the family, inflicts damage on himself is beyond me. Have these people forgotten how to communicate?

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Sad baker


Boyfriend Maiyuu’s plans to sell his baking have come to nothing.

He was sad and depressed for a few days last week, after he realised he wouldn’t get the work after all.

Last month, I wrote that the sister of a woman he knows had opened a hairdressing salon/coffee shop close to a four-star hotel in Silom.

Back then, she was in the process of finding suppliers for the shop. Maiyuu, we thought, stood a chance of being chosen as one of them.

He made her some chocolate cupcakes as samples, and went to see her. His new friend was enthusiastic, though doubted she would be able to afford it.

Initially Maiyuu proposed selling her the produce. After she hesitated, he proposed simply baking to order. If she was unable to sell anything, he would suffer the loss, not her.

Despite her initial enthusiasm, the woman – who, according to Maiyuu, comes from a family with money – has not called back.

Maiyuu has not called her either. I am not sure if it’s because he’s being a self-effacing Thai, or if he simply can’t be bothered.

One day, if I am ever walking down that way, I shall look for her shop and pay her a visit. I would like to tell her what a good opportunity she missed.

Monday, 9 August 2010

Welcome to BOTM2



Welcome to the new BOTM2 blog.

BOTM2 carries on where its predecessor, Bangkok of the Mind, left off. I have abandoned the old blog after Google yanked my Adsense ads.

It starts life with 1938 posts, and 4756 comments, imported from the old blog.

Here, as I did there, I will write about the life I share in Bangkok with my Thai partner.

The opening post of the blog, which I wrote in April 2006, spoke earnestly about my desire to fit in and make a difference as a farang imbedded in Thai life.

Now that I have the tools to fit in – language skills, and 10 years’ worth of experiences to help guide my way – I am no longer so worried about fitting in, as my choices about where I spend my time, and with whom, will look after that process anyway.

Now, I just want to be happy, which can be harder than it sounds. However, I get better at it as I get older.

In this blog I set down that journey.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Patch it up and start again


Ta
‘I don’t like songs popular with teens today. I prefer old songs.’

That was teenager Mr Ball, as we sat in front of the family computer, watching old YouTube videos.

‘So you are a young man with an old head?’ I asked him.

Ball laughed.

‘Something like that,’ he said.

We have spent the last couple of nights huddled away in a small room off Mum’s bedroom, where the computer sits, sipping beers and watching music videos.

Normally we’d take a berth in the sitting room, where the rest of the family gathers, but Ball wanted to put some space between him and his family, so we hid in the computer room instead.

Ball and his elder sister Kae argued a few nights ago over an unpaid internet bill.

The adults in the household agreed they would chip in every month to pay the bill rather than have Mum find the money herself. Ball’s girlfriend was supposed to pay her share a couple of days ago, but forgot.

Ball and I were seated in the living room as the conversation unfolded that day.

Ball made a comment to his mother which upset Kae. She criticised Ball and his girlfriend, Jay.

Youngest child Beer was on his back. Mum was inspecting the hairs on his head, looking for grey imposters. When she found one, she plucked it out.

Ball retorted, and Kae launched another volley.

As the argument broke over his head, Mr B, looking disgusted, picked himself up and left.

Ball raised his voice, and tears formed in his eyes. Kae, unimpressed, likened her younger brother to a drunken dog.

Girlfriend Jay walked in half way through, but said nothing, as she knows her place.

‘I am an outsider...how can I step in?’ she said later.

Mum snapped at both Kae and Ball for speaking too strongly, but otherwise said nothing, which was disappointing.

In the end, Ball declared he wasn’t standing for any more criticism. ‘Pack a bag...we’re going,’ he told his girlfriend.

Kae carried on shouting as they mounted the stairs to their room.

Ten minutes later, the couple reappeared, bag in hand.

‘It’s raining outside...can’t you wait?’I asked him.

‘I am not staying in a place where people are attacking me,’ he said.

Jay looked at me hopelessly.

‘Please help talk to him,’ she said.

We sat under a motorway on the outskirts of the slum, as Ball cried out his problems.

Ball asked me for a loan so they could spend the night at a cheap hotel.

’That won’t solve anything. Your girlfriend has just finished work and has yet to eat, change her clothes, shower. Why don’t you go back and think about this again tomorrow?’ I asked.

‘I am grown up, and have friends. They can put me up for the night even if you don’t help,’ he said.

‘I want to see you both renting your own place one day. But this is not the time,’ I replied.

‘Or, I could sleep here under the bridge,’ he declared.

Idle taxi driver Lort paid us a visit. The timing was fortunate, as I was starting to despair of my chances of persuading Ball to go home.

I asked about Kae's movements. Kae, he said, had gone to bed.

'If you go back, no one will think ill of you,' I told Ball.

Mr Ball had cried himself out anyway, so we lugged his bag back home.

I bought them a noodle, and said goodnight.

The next day, I visited Ball after he finished work.

He and his sister Kae had yet to talk to each other, but relations appeared to be thawing.

We sat in the computer room, as Ball told me excitedly about his day at work.

Ball has started a new job, delivering mail at a city bank. He and his co-workers started on the same day together, which has helped them draw close, as they regard themselves as equals.

‘No one is gossiping about anyone else, or ordering us about,’ said Ball.

All the previous mail delivery boys were asked to leave, after they were discovered gambling one day at the bank.

Ball loves his new job. Every time we meet at his place, he has a new work story to tell me, as we watch his favourite Thai videos on YouTube.

My job, as I see it, is to be there for him as he chatters excitedly about his new job, and help him get over his troubles at home.

Sister Kae is too proud to climb down, still less apologise, so they tread around each other cautiously, as they wait for their emotional wounds to heal.

‘They are like fire meeting fire,’ Lort told me. ‘Neither will give in to the other.’

Mum sympathises with Kae more than she does with Ball.

‘Ball is hot-headed and doesn’t think,’ she said.

Still, there is cause for hope. On the night of the argument, I called Kae.

I left Ball and Jay, who were having a noodle, and slipped off home to call Kae. She was asleep when I called, but I pressed on regardless.

‘Ball is back. Persuading him to return was hard work. I worry that next time you argue, he may walk out and never come back,’ I told her.

Kae told me what led up to the argument, which helped make sense of why she criticised him that day.

‘Ball believes you are closer to Beer than him, and feels put out, as if you don't love him as much,’ I said.

‘I ask Ball to come out with us, but Ball is seldom interested, as he has his own girlfriend,’ she said.

Kae has her own boyfriend, who lives with her at Ball's place, but said nothing as Kae was criticising her brother.

‘Ball has found a new job which he loves. I hope he sticks at it,’ I said. ‘If this bitterness carries on, he may not.’

Kae cried.

‘I am always happy for him when he does well,’ she said.

If she acts as the scolding big sister, it's because she wants him to take responsibility.

The next night, I told Ball about my conversation with his sister. I can’t expect anyone else to try to patch up their differences, as no one seems interested.

‘Kae cried when I told her you had found a job you enjoy,’ I said. ‘Why do you think she did that?’

Ball pondered for a moment.

‘I don’t know,’ he said, but I detected a smile cross his lips.

Postscript: Singer Ta Chanit Yaisummoer (ต๊ะ ฌานิศ ใหญ่เสมอ), of the band Boyscout, is one of Ball’s favourites (pictured above).

He was performing when Ball was still a boy, but Ball remembers his stuff.