Office tensions

'Sometimes you should try being less arrogant. It makes people feel disgusted,' a Thai colleague, Pearl, told me at work the other day.

Well, that was blunt. And this from someone who urges me to take the softly-softly approach to dealing with Thais at work.

I had just told my woman friend, by way of greeting, that I thought the task on which she was working was boring. She was compiling a calendar of events taking place in town this week.

'Isn't that a bore?' I said. I had performed the same task myself a few years ago, when I worked in her section, and knew just how dull it could be.

This was merely a friendly conversation opener, of course, but went down the wrong way. Or perhaps it was just my poor English.

I felt embarrassed as I realised a senior colleague, a foreigner who has lived in Thailand 40 years, overheard our exchange. He did not pass judgement, but I wondered what was going on in his head.

'I make the effort to talk to shy Thais, but at times like this wonder why I bother,' I said, attempting to save face.

Ten minutes later, I watched as Pearl prepared to leave the office for the day.

I decided I could not let her remark go unchallenged, so headed to the main door to intercept her.

'Could I see you outside, please,' I asked, in a clipped and brittle tone.

We headed for the foyer, where we could be alone.

Pearl and I talked for 10-15 minutes about the tensions which can arise when people from different cultures must work together.

'Some Thais are scared to talk to you because you are too direct,' Pearl said - a complaint that has dogged me at work for as long as I have been here.

I do not know Pearl well, but apparently she knows what I am like, and what her friends think of me too.

'Work is stressful, so sometimes I let off steam, ' I said. 'If a problem needs fixing, then foreigners usually go about it in a direct way. '

Still, Thais have needs, too, she explained, and no one likes confrontation. 'Maybe you can meet us half way,' she said.

She praised a foreigner section head nearby as an example of a farang who in her view had adapted well to Thai ways.

'One of the Thais on his staff comes into work only a couple of days a year, but he [the foreigner] says nothing,' Pearl said.

Actually, I suspect that was a slur on the foreigner. No one could possibly be that laid-back.

'Do you think that's a good thing?' I asked. 'It sounds unfair to me.'

Despite herself, Pearl agreed. This was her attempt to meet me 'half way'.

Pearl is actually a courageous one, with an independent spirit, who despite her desire to avoid confrontation, tells me she is not afraid to speak her mind.

We agreed that our office needs better leadership. We also need a staffroom, where staff on both sides can unwind and get to know each other.

Pearl and I parted on friendly terms, as we usually do after one of our little 'talks'. I explained that I was not being mean, but merely trying to say hello.

Neither of us will mention our moment of drama again, even though something good may have come of it. That's our attempt to meet 'half way'.