Stranger fixation (part 2, final)

At the height of his infatuation with his mysterious young man, a male friend asked Sao what was going on. 'Just what are your girl specs like?' he asked in frustration.

Sao had no girlfriend, and spent his days looking morose. 'Or are you gay?' his friend asked.

Sao felt as if he wanted to forget the boy affair, so took up his friend's suggestion that he go out with a girl he knew, a student from college.

He discovered the girl was pretty, and good company. He asked for her number - something he would never dare ask from the guy of his dreams - and the two started seeing each other.

They talked on the phone often, went out for ice cream. But he found it just didn't work.

'I couldn't take the girl in place of that guy, because I had already given my heart to him, and there was nothing left for anyone else. I know that sounds over the top, but that's how I felt.'

So he cut himself off. He did not call the girl, nor go to see her, until one day the friend who introduced them called to ask what had gone wrong. Sao told him the truth, that he had found someone else, though he did not mention that the one he really loved was a man.

Sao asked his friend to tell the girl that he was busy with exams.

That was fine, until one day, just before exams finished, his friend called to say he should meet the girl on Loy Krathong night.

'I met her yesterday, and she asked what happened. I told her my cellphone was infected with a virus. I was unable to get it fixed until the exams finished.

'I don't know if she believed me, and I know my behaviour is abominable. But I just wish she would stop liking me.'

After taking the girl to meet Sao, his friend left them to it. At first, Sao thought that for Loy Krathong night he would go to Lumphini Park to float a krathong...but now that he was in the company of the girl, he changed his plan.

He had heard the folk tale that if a boy and a girl float a krathong together at Chulalongkorn University campus, they would fall out of love and their relationship would end.

'So, that's what I suggested we do. The girl hesitated, because she had heard the story, too.'
''Er...don't couples who float a krathong there fall out of love?'' she asked innocently.

'In truth, we were not going together, and I had never told this girl I loved her or even liked her. But in the end she agreed to go.

'Later, she told me that she knew a couple who had floated a krathong at Chulalongkorn, and were still together after seven years....

'Mmm. That stopped me a minute...but I smiled.

'So we went to float our krathong. All night, I tried to talk. But even as we walked arm in arm, like a bride and groom, I was still thinking about that guy.

'After we finished, I took her back to her hostel.

'I don't like her like that...but I don't know how to quit. At first, I thought of telling her I had found someone else - but my woman friend who knows I like that guy, she advised me that if a man had said that to her, she would feel terribly hurt. So I just don't know what to do.'

__

Most posters responding to Sao's story said they doubted he was gay. They thought he had probably just succumbed to the boy's natural charm or charisma. One guy advised him that if he was gay, he should avoid letting his friends know, as they would probably cut their ties with him.

Another poster urged him not to drag the girl into it, as one unhappy soul was enough; while a woman reader said it was a pity that Sao and his young male friend could not tell each other how they felt.

'Don't regret it later, that's my advice. You and the young man should try to find a way to get to know each other better. Sometimes, each just comes to know how the other feels, without anything being said.'

One reader left a moving tale of his own of a love affair during his university years. They studied at the same faculty and met every day. In the morning, he would go to fetch the boy. They would have lunch together, then go home together. They would split up briefly to take a shower, then get back together to go out at night. Once the boy even asked him to sleep the night as his friend at his university hostel.

'One Valentine's Day, I took a girl out. I asked the boy along too, and asked him to hold the roses, which I would then give the girl. But when the boy appeared he had red eyes and it looked like he had been crying.

'I cared for his feelings even more than I did for the girl. I raced him back to his room, then went out to buy him some white roses. I spent that night alone, but couldn't sleep, because all I could think about was him.'

'That was it. Later, I became hooked on games, so I didn't have much time to see him, and we drifted apart. When I started work training I was in Bangkok, while he moved to Chiang Mai.

'That's how it stayed until one day we met again. By then, I had my own boyfriend - who looked just like that boy I knew at university!

'This guy reminded me of the boy. We saw each other until we became close and ultimately boyfriends.

'I reckon you won't escape a similar fate yourself.'