Maiyuu will need ongoing treatment for the next six to 12 months, which will require him to visit a specialist hospital regularly in Chon Buri. His illness is not covered by the 30-baht health insurance scheme, which might be why the hospital urged him to take out a better insurance policy.
As I write, details are still emerging, as the hospital discharged Maiyuu without giving him any documentation. I have yet to see even a receipt, though I am told they are compiling everything for him to collect.
But from what I can gather, he transferred at least B35,000 from my account to take out the policy. The first bill, for his stay over the last couple of days, came to B7000.
He did not call me before transferring the funds and arranging the policy, and nor did the hospital, but then by unfortunate coincidence, Maiyuu and I argued on the telephone on the same afternoon as the doctor urged him to take out the insurance policy.
He was worried I would not listen, or perhaps would refuse to meet his treatment costs, so he took out the policy himself.
I am worried less about the fact that he emptied my account than the fact he did not see fit to tell me - but then Maiyuu, whether he is in good health or poor, insists on doing everything himself. He accepts little help or advice, which makes it hard for people in his life who would like to get close to him.
He did not allow me to pick him up from hospital, as he was worried about how I would react. Nor did he allow me to visit him - though he did accept a visit from his boss's friends. He became annoyed when I told a friend of his at the condo that he was ill.
Here at home, he lacks the strength to do anything much, and is still under the influence of powerful medication. But he will not let me help. Knowing he would probably rather accept help from his friends than from his own boyfriend, I have suggested that he give his friends a call, if he is unable to perform daily errands.
'Don't worry, I'll do it myself,' he says.
'You make people in your life feel unwanted,' I said.
Maiyuu lost his parents when he was still a teen. It is if the adult Maiyuu is now daring others not to care.
Today I have spent several hours quizzing him about his condition, the doctor's advice, and what he thought about his own actions.
Maiyuu looks too sick to be at home. I have suggested that he go back to hospital if he feels his recovery is not working.
Far be it for me to question a doctor's medical judgement - as patients we are but mere consumers of the health services which they provide, unless they choose to 'empower' us.
But in the absence of any contact from the hospital, I do not know what is best for Maiyuu, other than what he relays to me himself - and he is barely strong enough to get off his bed.
'I am sorry if I seem to be nagging, but you need someone to remind you of what to do. I have to be the voice in your head,' I said.
I am trying to plug the communication gap. A lack of simple communication is the root cause of most of our problems. I can't rely on his friends to tell me what is going on, as Maiyuu rarely confides in them either. He keeps everything to himself.
During his 36-hour stay in hospital, we spoke just three times. I did not hear from him for most of the day yesterday. In mid-afternoon, tiring of waiting for his call, I did what any self-respecting Thai would do in a similar position. I confronted the situation head-on by going for a two-hour body massage.
It was early evening before we made contact. After being discharged, he wandered the streets in a medication-induced daze. I called, but on all but one occasion he refused to answer. The one time we did speak, moments after he left hospital, he was propping himself up in a bus stop (he said), and sounded close to collapse.
Instead, we communicated by text message. At first he did not want to carry on with the relationship, and said he was in the process of finding a new place to live. Later, he appeared to change his mind. He asked me if I really loved him, and if we could start again.
By coincidence, yesterday I cancelled the ATM card giving him access to my account, though I was too late, it turns out, to stop him transferring the money for the insurance policy. I made myself a new card, with a different PIN number.
Last night he asked me if I would let him have the card again, which would let him dip into the account to pay bills and buy groceries. 'Caring for you gives me much pleasure,' he said.
Maiyuu does look after me well. However, I will not let him have access to my account again until he learns the importance of communicating, and including me in his decisions.
This is not the first time he has helped himself to our money without telling me what he was doing. In all cases he has acted for good reasons, I believe, at least according to the explanation he offered later - but it would be so much easier if he would learn to trust me enough to seek my advice first.
'I have the right to take you to the doctor when you are sick,' I told him this morning.
'I have the right to visit you in hospital. I have the right to collect you when you get out.
'I have the right to love you - so why won't you let me? Is it so wrong that people in your life want to care for you?'
He did not answer, and I suspect did not hear most of our conversation, as he is too weak. However, I did hear him crying after our talk.
I have witnessed Maiyuu's independent streak before, but did not appreciate where it could lead us. He makes decisions alone which he should make with others - then wonders why people do not want to trust him any more. He refuses to accept help when he is no longer able to care or think soundly for himself - then wonders why his life runs into trouble.
'I feel as if I am only just starting to know you, and we have been together six years. I have done wrong, too. I don't know why it has taken me so long to learn,' I said.
It's hard to say if you have been robbed or not. On one hand, he took your money. On the other, you gave him your code. On the other hand, he didn't ask permission. On the other hand, you and he are kind of like husband and wife and the account is like a joint account.
ReplyDeleteYou're upset enough to cancel his card and not give him the code again, but not upset enough to break up with him though you were contemplating it anyway... I don't know.
You have made a valiant attempt to explain something which I do not understand myself at times.
ReplyDeleteHis frequent absences began to scare me, because I know few of the people with whom he spends time outside home.
In any case, the situation has changed since he fell ill (please see more recent posts).