The unloved boyfriend, baleful Lort

If one secret to making your spouse happy is to make encouraging and supportive noises, I am probably not pulling my weight.

I do not understand food, I can only eat it. When my boyfriend cooks, I can muster little better by way of praise than to say: ‘That was delicious.’ Sometimes I ask about the ingredients, but really I don’t know what I am talking about, and he knows it.

Maiyuu and I embark on few joint endeavours, such as saving schemes.

I might hatch a plan for the future, such as travel, or saving to get Maiyuu's teeth done, but Maiyuu seldom follows it up if it involves spending money, as he is worried I will see him as a financial drain on our relationship. He has yet to see a dentist, even though we started saving for it months ago.

'I just make myself smaller and smaller every day,' he says. He means he is trying to minimise his presence, so I barely notice he is around.

As Maiyuu sees it, his duty is to cook. He is little more than hired help, rather than a boyfriend, and has few rights.

He seldom goes out to see friends, he says, as he thinks I will get annoyed by his absence.

He does not like me to bring my work problems home, so I rarely mention what happens at the office.

He brightened briefly when I told him yesterday about the pending Supreme Court decision on former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra’s assets.

‘Don’t go out wearing red or yellow on Friday when the decision is released,’I said, referring to the colour codes of the pro-Thaksin and anti-Thaksin camps. Some predict clashes in the streets.

We discussed the topic briefly, as we happen to share the same views. That was probably our most animated conversation all day.

Still, do couples need to talk about deep stuff to get along? I don’t think so. We can spend a perfectly enjoyable day teasing each other, for example.

Maiyuu will rib me about the men I have met at the ya dong stand.

I will joke about how he doesn’t have a life outside home any more, and has become a virtual social recluse.

Maiyuu reckons he is misunderstood, including by me. Actually, I think I do understand some of what makes him tick. How could I not, when we have been together nine years?

However, that doesn't mean I am making him happy. I may have identified problems in our relationship, but finding a solution is another matter.

'No, I really do want you to get your teeth done!' I might say.

'No, you don't,' he will think, so his teeth carry on rotting away inside his head.

He is not willing to meet his own needs, as he believes he is not entitled.

I carry on tending to my own dental needs, however, as I believe I owe it to myself.

If I don't, small holes could become bigger ones, and the bill for dental care could grow.

So, my needs get met, but seldom those of my boyfriend.

I told him recently that after being together so long, we should regard ourselves as husband and wife.

When we argue, I will no longer invite him to leave, as I have in the past.

I doubt even that attempt at reassuring my boyfriend made an impact. Maiyuu is nervous, and believes he is unloved.

That's a huge gap in understanding, if you ask me...and I am not sure what to do about it.

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Idle taxi driver Lort paid an unwelcome visit to the ya dong stand. He was drunk.

He asked me to find work for a young woman relative. Actually, he didn't ask me so much, as threaten. 'Do as I say...I am a man of influence around these parts,' he slurred.

Ball wasn't there at the time, as he had ducked home for something. However, he told me not to take it seriously. He has thumped Lort a few times, when he, too, was drunk.

I don’t like being threatened, even by someone in his inebriated state. I am in no position to commend anyone; all I can do is find a contact name and number, should his relative want to inquire about vacancies.

I did the same for Ball, when his mother asked me to inquire about work on his behalf.

In his case, I went a step further; I took him in for a job interview, though in the end he decided not to take up the opportunity.

Lort wasn’t interested in detail. He just wanted me to find work for his relative, forget the complications. Applying for jobs, and going in for interviews is a mug's game.

Well, mate, it isn’t going to happen. Your family had its chance, and blew it.