Looking under rocks (1)

Some young Thai guys I know say they have girlfriends, but don't go out with them. They make a time to see them privately, and save their socialising outdoors for drinking friends.

They get jealous phone calls from their lovers instead, or make annoying calls of their own. 'Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing?'

The story is similar for Thai gay boys who leave their boyfriends at home. They can be a call, or be-called type: the type who calls his boyfriend possessively, or merely waits to be harassed.

Over a recent Thai long holiday weekend, a gay Thai boy from the provinces stayed with us.

Pae was one of the be-called types. His boyfriend Beer, who works as a school teacher and is a few years older, stayed at home in Chon Buri.

He couldn't bear the thought that young Pae was in Bangkok without him. Was he behaving himself, or chatting up boys at the gay disco?

He called him at least once an hour for the whole time he was with us. Pae, in his early 20s, looked persecuted, but put up with it. The calls started early in the morning, and carried on well into the night.

His cellphone cackled to life at 5am. The sound woke us all. Pae, who is in the navy, pulled his cellphone from under his pillow, and answered sleepily.

'Yes...'

'No...'

Then the questions started in earnest. 'Which disco did you visit last night?'

'Ratchada...'

'Who did you go with?'

'Pee Maiyuu...'

And so on it went.

Maiyuu rolled over and went back to sleep. In the other room, I put in my earplugs.

The nightlife in the seaside town where these boys live is quiet. Bangkok is much bigger, and holds out dangerous temptations, so Beer felt he had reason to worry.

My Thai boyfriend and I have been together too long to bother with such displays of jealous behaviour.

If either of us meets new boys, we are likely to tell each other about it the next day rather than keep it a secret.

Well, I tell him stories. Come to think of it, he doesn't tell me much - but then maybe he's not interested in meeting boys any more.

It is mainly the newbies, uncertain about where they stand in each other's eyes, that get jealous or possessive. It is cute to watch, but not so good to lose sleep as a result of it.

Cynics could say that we are both too complacent to care. But that's something we do not need to prove to anyone else but ourselves.

Boyfriend Maiyuu is sensible enough to realise that suffocating his partner is not a healthy way to conduct a relationship.

In return for giving him the space he needs to be with his own friends and pursue his own interests, he gives me the freedom I need to enjoy this place as a foreigner 10 years his senior.

We can go 12 hours or more without calling or messaging each other. Young Thai guys without a partner might wonder why my boyfriend was so inattentive, if they knew. 'Why aren't you worried?' they might ask.

Of course, they do not mean, 'Aren't you worried about your boyfriend's welfare?'

What they really mean is, 'Aren't you worried that someone might take your possession away?'

Young ones searching for love tend to be opportunists. It's like taking a walk on the beach and turning over a rock to see which pretty sea creature lives underneath.

How does this one look? And the one under that rock over there: is he any brighter, with nicer stripes?

The irony is, the jealous boy who who was persecuting Pae with his phone calls is inclined to dump his boyfriends once they become too old for his taste.

Boyfriends who have been together a while might still enjoy looking under rocks, but they also know that what they find there is unlikely to compare with the boy they already know at home - unless they are unhappy with their relationship, and are looking for an excuse for it to end.

I haven't told Beer, but I enjoy watching his boyfriend Pae.

now, see part 2