Pictures from our new Bangkok condo which I promised readers a few weeks ago.
Here you can see the main room with the kitchen, to the left.
Boyfriend Maiyuu's bedroom is darkened one, as we use it largely as storage space.
The main room with the large bed and desk is mine.
When we rented the condo, I didn't realise the view of Silom from the condo was so good, as I was more interested in what was inside the place.
42 comments:
ReplyDeletelyn30 March 2009 at 19:17
Nice place, just lovely.
thanks for sharing.
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Kevo3330 March 2009 at 19:20
Maiyuu's room looks surprisingly bland...i would have thought he'd have a well decorated room by now. I love the view!
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brackmagic30 March 2009 at 19:24
Very nice
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Bkkdreamer30 March 2009 at 19:24
Lyn: Thanks, dear.
Kevo33: Before BB took the pictures, Maiyuu cleaned it up, and removed most of the character from his little room, which I love.
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kawadjan30 March 2009 at 21:02
Thanks for welcoming us to your new place. It's exciting to meet Maiyuu of course and share a cigarette with him.
And oh, you might want to go easy on the tanning. LOL. Just kidding...
Cheers!
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Man of the Rose30 March 2009 at 23:35
Lovely! Just let me know when do you want to hold a pot-luck party :-)
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Ido30 March 2009 at 23:52
Nice place and very nice view, i envy you! ;)
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Asia in Australia31 March 2009 at 00:32
I hope the pictures are pleasing to the eye:)
Thanks as well for inviting...that's a special honour. and goodness, watch out that you dont suddenly cross over to cambodia unwillingly, or get eaten by the wildlife or roasted by the sun...
BB
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kopichai31 March 2009 at 00:58
Very nice.. I like the place so much. Is it rude for me to ask how much is the rental? hehehe curious.
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Joey31 March 2009 at 02:17
I absolutely lurveeeee the view of Silom. Simply breathtaking.... Uve got a gem there. Where exactly was your place again?
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Lino31 March 2009 at 04:29
Very nice, alot cleaner than mine.
I notice that in the living rm you have an AM/MW loop antenna connected to your home theater system. That is nice to see, here in US it seems most people don't bother with AM anymore and I often see no antenna connected for it.
When I first went to BKK in summer of 06, I took shots from my place and on returning to NYC I showed them to my well-traveled Brother.
I told him somewhat proudly that here was a place he could stay if he wanted to visit his first Asian city...he took a look and said "oh..it's an ugly city...third world". F'him. Admittedly, looking down at the backs of mold streaked buildings and the Skytrain a little over a block away isn't exactly scenic, but the sunsets are remarkable and it is one of the world's great cities.
Hope your new pad will be the backdrop of many happy times.
BTW: Did you consult a Monk as to the most opportune time to move-in?
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Bkkdreamer31 March 2009 at 05:39
ReplyDeleteThank you for the positive comments.
Joey: I have not said exactly where it is.
Kopichai: Nor did I mention the rent.
Lino: Apparently some westerners do dismiss Thailand as third world. they would rather spend a lot more money and go to Europe.
Re the AM radio aerial, that might simply be because the stereo is old.
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BODYholic31 March 2009 at 10:52
Lovely nest.
You mentioned about some tiles that Maiyuu laid. May I may know which room was that in? I coudn't figure it out from those pictures. I must say your bf did a splendid job.
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kimoochii2131 March 2009 at 12:05
Thanks for sharing. Looks really nice. My boyfriend in Pattaya is talking about a condo; wants to know if I want to buy or rent. I know there are limitations on farang ownership in Thailand, so I've been wondering about putting it in his name to begin with. I'm much older than he is.
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nellouise31 March 2009 at 16:53
Very nice pad. Good choice for the move.
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Bkkdreamer31 March 2009 at 20:41
Kimoochi: My advice is, buy it in his name.
Should the day come when you are ready to sever your ties with this place, you needn't get heartache about how to dispose of the asset.
You will have to let him keep it, which will absolve you of guilt for failing to provide for his future needs.
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Orn1 April 2009 at 01:18
Ooou thanks for sharing...it's so nice to read about about something and then actually see it too...the legs are very mysterious lol you should post a picture of you & maiyuu too..that would be even nicer....
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kimoochii211 April 2009 at 05:11
Yes. That is exactly what I was thinking. I will plan for his future the best I can. Boys in Thailand are so sweet and loveable; pity the rest of the world is not this way. I leave the USA for Thailand in 3 more days. :)
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Bkkdreamer1 April 2009 at 05:45
I don't find them sweet and loveable. However, it might be worth buying in his name as a reward for loyalty, if nothing else.
It will save you the hassle of trying to sell, or worrying what you will make.
Just be mindful that if you do buy it in his name, you are effectively writing off that little investment.
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neil1 April 2009 at 06:53
ReplyDeleteBkk:"I don't find them sweet and loveable."
Can you elaborate?
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kimoochii211 April 2009 at 07:06
Yes, please do. That sound totally wrong. Has the boyfriend been bad, today?
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Bkkdreamer1 April 2009 at 07:30
Non-resident foreigners with boyfriends here tend to think Thais are cute and loveable. Foreigners who live here tend to regard them differently.
We see them every day. The more experiences I have with Thais, the more I regard them as just 'people'.
Almost all foreigners will get burnt at least once by Thailand. If a foreigner is lucky enough to find a Thai guy who is loyal, then I think he is truly blessed.
That's not because I think Thais are bad. It's because there is just as much temptation here for Thais as there is for foreigners; and overcoming the cultural and age divide between foreigners and Thais can be a hard for both parties.
The best thing a foreigner can hope to get from a relationship with a Thai is loyalty. Good looks, cuteness, a loveable personality are extras.
If you have them as well, then great. However, their importance fades over time. For me, loyalty conquers all.
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kimoochii211 April 2009 at 10:07
You're right, from your perspective. Americans tend to think that as soon as you have sex with them, you're married: they're entitled to loyalty and community property. Thai boys have such a different outlook, on gay sex especially. I still can hardly believe the number of good looking guys you see in every go-go bar; all wearing the same little shorts, all eager to have sex with anyone for a small price, and many of them looking straight. Of course they're going to play on your emotions; that's their job. Loyalty? I don't expect that, at all. Did you buy the person for life? A slave? Or are you on an equal financial footing with them, each contributing half? No, I didn't think so. Don't "play the game" with a Thai boy you find beautiful, allowing yourself to feel love (it makes the sex even better), and then expect loyalty. He's loyal to himself, and will get away with as much as you allow him to. Tell him the truth. Tell him his behavior is hurting you, and will lead to a break up, which you don't want.
Oh! I know this doesn't apply strictly to you, or your relationship. I'm just expressing an outlook I'm trying to adapt for myself. Thanks
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Bkkdreamer1 April 2009 at 18:27
I am pleased you added the last part, about how it doesn't apply strictly to me.
It sounds as if you are an admirer of the go-go bar scene, and that you think Thai guys are all inter-changeable.
'Loyalty? I don't expect that, at all. Did you buy the person for life? A slave? Or are you on an equal financial footing with them, each contributing half?'
I wasn't aware that loyalty was about buying someone for life, entering a master-slave relationship with him, or even contributing half and half.
'Don't "play the game" with a Thai boy you find beautiful, allowing yourself to feel love (it makes the sex even better), and then expect loyalty. He's loyal to himself, and will get away with as much as you allow him to.'
More go-go bar talk. The way you portray them, these youngsters are like feral animals, willing to give their 'loyalty' to anyone who feeds them.
If the owner stops feeding, then the pet will just as happily transfer its affections to someone else.
If you want a relationship like this one, then you are welcome to it. I suspect it's the best you have been able to find so far. If true, you have a long way to go.
Your dismal outlook on Thais suggests you don't expect a relationship to last. Yet you say you are contemplating buying a property in the name of your BF.
I say, go ahead! You will get all you deserve. Meantime, the Thai guy you are seeing - from whom you expect no loyalty, still less love - will be better off. Who has the last laugh?
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kimoochii211 April 2009 at 20:20
ReplyDeleteI wasn't trying to be cruel. Can you say the same? Yes, this relationship is the best I've been able to find. No, I don't have a long way to go; the end is close. I see this boy as a blessing, but don't fool myself as to his real feelings. I love him for what he is.
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Bkkdreamer1 April 2009 at 21:10
It sounds to me as if you have simply ended up with a guy who is no good.
They are not all like that, you will be pleased to know. Though I doubt you'll find anything much in a go-go bar.
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kimoochii212 April 2009 at 04:34
I have only visited a few go-go bars, to see what they were, and never been to one a second time. I certainly don't see all Thais as interchangeable, but I do think that as a people their culture leads towards young men who are gentle and loving, especially as compared to the roughness encouraged here by American culture (football as war). There is no place in the U.S. or Europe where one will see dozens of handsome/pretty young men in matching white Speedos, eager to be taken "off". It feels like paradise, but is overwhelming. I wouldn't call this "a dismal outlook on Thais". It's anything but dismal; I'm in love, whether it measures up to your standards or not, and am only happy to be able to at least give these boys some of what they want, financially. It would be nice to have them fawning over me, because of my own sexy good looks, but that's not going to happen, so I accept the relationship for what it is.
Has Maiyuu come home, yet? I know you've said he has no income; did he go out "partying", to get high? I know how worried I would be. Maybe he's at his family's.
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Anonymous2 April 2009 at 06:58
Thais are simply people, and there are no one-size-fits-all solutions.
As a personal approach, I wouldn't choose either BKK's no-sex-no-job-no-future-no-good resident parasite, nor the more honest (and more willing to put out) by-the-hour types who are at least up front about what they are interested in. Nor am I interested in the half-way house types in Silom pretending to be real Thais who just happen to speak English and be interested in older foreigners, and by the way, my grandmother just died.
For the tourist, there really are no great or easy options outside of the tourist-oriented commercial community- and for that the more honest the better. However, there are workable solutions involving real people here with higher entry barriers, especially for the resident expat who speaks the language such as BKK.
It's really shocking given his skills and knowledge that BKK continues to choose such an unsatisfactory-seeming arrangement, but since he continues to choose it, that no doubt means he is getting something from it- even if it is only some sense of familiarity in the dysfunctional patterns of his past.
No doubt I will either now be scolded for being 'Anonymous,' or told I don't understand Thai culture, or assured Maiyuu just loves his sexless relationship, or it will be implied without cause that I am a no-good slutty scoundrel who likes sex, or some mix of the above which somehow means that my opinions can be safely avoided by the delusional.
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Bkkdreamer2 April 2009 at 07:16
No, you are safe for now, if only because I like the comment about access barriers being high for tourists.
I want to encourage more comments, and I can't do that if I am busy deleting them, or getting stuck into people because their views differ from mine.
Apart from that, I get sick of listening to my own voice.
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kimoochii212 April 2009 at 07:49
ReplyDeleteActually, I find your remarks to be rather intelligent: a complement I don't give often. I can see why you chose to be anonymous; there will be scathing replies, no doubt. I haven't been a regular reader here, so I didn't know Maiyuu's was a no-sex relationship. I had been wondering about that 2nd, own bedroom. This is not going to end well.
We're all aware that in every community there are relationships of the "higher entry barriers" type. We should also be aware that not all of us are attracted to people like ourselves -old, fat, hairy, sick, whatever. Thailand is unusual for the easy availability of sexual relationships based on something "lower", like money, kindness, support, etc. I live in San Francisco. Twenty years ago we had plenty of hustlers, here. In the last ten years, or more, there have really been none - at least not the old type. AIDS took care of that. Some few ho's might offer some little sex for vast amounts of cash, but they're very sleazy. I've read that c. 30% of the sex workers in Thailand are HIV+, yet the business continues. Oh well. I see so many older men, farangs, in Thailand, with a young (sometimes too young) boyfriend. So, what would you have them do? Sit home, alone, and try not to think about the beautiful guys you want? Of course, I never dreamed that everyone in Thailand was a Ho, but the fact that there are any at all is unusual, and the level of acceptance for this by Thai society at large is shocking, to a farang (but in a good way).
I can see no reason at all for someone who lives in Thailand to be offended by this; they didn't cause it, and don't participate in it. I think it's great. Why else would I endure that 26 hour plane trip to a climate with unbearable heat? The young men are beautiful, in large numbers, and some are available. I think that hot climate has contributed, in part, to their unusually soft skin and pleasant smell. Farangs eat more fat which their bodies retain, at home, but we sweat like farm animals in Thailand, at first, and need to shower several times daily. I ramble on too long -sorry.
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Anonymous2 April 2009 at 08:10
Thanks both to BKKdreamer and kimoochi21, for different compliments in their fashion.
The second highest barrier to entry to which I refer is language. Many Thais speak at least a little English, but the ability to function without it is essential to meeting people who might be able to engage in real relationships with you. If you show some competency, most of the ones who hunt foreigners for the wrong reasons will run a mile from you.
The third highest barrier to entry is avoiding all places and people who are associated with the tourist industry and those businesses designed to cater to them. That means that your lifestyle has to move to non-tourist realms, which seems to be remarkably hard for many foreigners here (partly from language, but partly from the illusion of 'ease' which the tourist scene gives them).
But the highest entry barrier to enjoying yourself with normal Thais is a sense of self-worth and the resolve not to abuse yourself with the presence of unworthy persons, or to be around those who will try to make you feel unworthy.
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Bkkdreamer2 April 2009 at 08:21
Well done! If it did not touch on the earlier post re entry barriers, I would think you were almost a different person.
Do 'unworthy' types include go-go bar staff, even if they do appear cute and loveable? They work in a tourist-related industry after all.
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kimoochii212 April 2009 at 08:43
You're right. Since my generalized comments were not directed at BKK's situation, I wonder if he realizes how directly your's are. As for me, I can't say that the idea of working across all of those barriers to gain access to those "higher levels" of Thai life has any appeal, at all. The lower level is exactly what I want. If I didn't, why wouldn't I just stay at home, among my own kind?
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Bkkdreamer2 April 2009 at 09:11
ReplyDeleteFrom kimoochii21:
As for me, I
> can't say that the idea of working across all of those barriers to gain
> access to those "higher levels" of Thai life has any appeal, at all. The
> lower level is exactly what I want. If I didn't, why wouldn't I just stay at
> home, among my own kind?
Foreigners who live in Thailand have different expectations from relationships, evidently.
Some visitors aren't too fussed what they get, as long as it is different from home.
Mine may not suit everyone, but I can tell you that after nine years in a relationship, anyone's needs are bound to change.
Sex? Not important to me, at least most of the time. Companionship? Much more important.
Love, loyalty, honesty? Can't beat them.
Some foreign visitors might reverse that list of priorities.
Sex, most important. Honesty, well down the list, because you barely know each other, and you could be in bed with someone else the next night.
Love, loyalty and honesty also happen to be the qualities which hold together relationships in the West.
While I hesitate to compare my relationship with a Thai, living in this country, with one I might hold down with a foreigner in my ome country, it does run to some of the same rules.
I learn Thai to give myself independence, and learn more about Thais.
I live with a Thai boyfriend to help open another door into the Thai world.
He also keeps me company, and both of us enjoy trying to make each other happy.
We enjoy our lives together - making plans, watching them come to fruition, trying to improve our lives and meet each other's needs.
The fact that relatively few foreigners get to share this experience does not make it any less worthwhile.
And whether my boyfriend measures up to others' expectations, based on what they read on this blog, is beside the point. I am happy with him, and him with me, which is all that counts.
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Anonymous2 April 2009 at 09:30
I think unworthy persons are the ones who, in respect to our private, personal lives, want to use us for a selfish purpose- not the ones who want to be with you because of you, yourself.
Sometimes we need to be around people like that in the public world, because we need things others have- in a sense, economics works this way. Nothing wrong with that. But that's no reason that the people we spend our private, personal time with should be ones who relate to us this way.
I suppose all physical relationships start with a certain selfishness- both partners need the physical release of sex, and they can't really be said to know each other unless they've already been friends for a very extended period. That's the hook that gets us into relationships where we will learn to know each other, if we make the effort.
To answer your specific question, BKK, I regard sex workers as being part of the public world- they deal in economics. The mistake that many people make- and not only foreigners- is to misunderstand what the economic motive is about and to invite these types into their private, personal worlds as if they were bonafide friends/lovers interested in oneself unselfishly.
That's a kind of delusive behaviour, and it's not the fault of the sex worker. So they are not really worthy of being in one's own private, personal world, but they can only really be there if one invites them- it's no reflection on them.
It's worse, of course, if someone has masqueraded as a person with real interest or worth to another person in a private, personal relationship but in fact is using them for selfish purposes. In that case, the person is unworthy in himself- though if allowed to continue despite displaying this behaviour, it becomes the fault of the person who allows this abuse against his integrity.
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ReplyDeletekimoochii212 April 2009 at 13:31
I thought I'd let this rest. After all, it's not my blog, but I believe some good might come from adding one more point. As I was finishing college, I fell in love with a guy. I believed we were forming a "marriage", for life. The sex was great for a year and a half; we lived together for ten years. Pressures of work, paying bills, separate interests, different friends. After a time, I realized that this wasn't all I wanted in life. Break ups are seldom easy. Concepts such as "loyalty" can carry you only so far. Many straight, married couples go for decades, never having sex again -pride, hurt feelings, loss of desire, whatever. Marriage is like your work career: you're going to spend a big part of your life with it. Do you love what you do, tolerate it, hate it? Financial concerns over shadow feelings. What about our property, and possessions? I've put so much into this, how can I back out now? Your life is a limited amount of time. Try not to waste more of it than you have to.
I have a long way to go? I wish.
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Asia in Australia2 April 2009 at 14:32
ReplyDeleteregarding kimoochi:
you can have the lower life and not try to cross any hurdles to the "higher" life. we will try not to judge you. but then do not judge other people's relationships either, especially from a blog (which doesnt correspond to reality).
you say thai people have a high acceptance for gogo boys? how do you even know? Thais are less judgemental than farangs - but certainly do not view prostitutes favourably.
no alternative to find gays apart from Silom? go figure...there's gays on every friggin corner of the city.
culture tends to gentle and loving? check out a few statistics on violence and homocide. check TV when the next demonstrations are on. inform yourself on the macho-attitude of most Thai (straight) men - not so gentle and loving. A soft voice doesnt make someone gentle and loving.
to mister anyonymous and your barriers. i quite agree with you. if you try really hard you can pass these barriers. I passed them all more or less.
language. Thai is very hard. after one year, I can converse easily and read. that's by far not enough. most people speak bad english - if any at all - and I do not blame them. If a guy speaks very good english and hasnt studied abroad, he will have had a lot of contact with foreigners, which is not necessarily a good sign. I have met many Thais with good middle- to upper-class backgrounds and seldomly had any meaningful conversation.
mentality differences: they are huge. I guess you live here - and you will know it. every day we encounter something that we can just not understand - but we can walk away from it. in a relationship we cant. and by the way, even overseas-educated thais remain thais and can stun you with their behaviour.
I have also passed the other hurdles. I spend most time in areas where there are not many foreigners, even went to class with only (worthy) Thais (3 gays).
oh and by the way. I am 26 and not ugly at all.
what's the result? I wasnt even near some sort of a relationship. maybe i was just unlucky, or impatient, not tolerant or desperate enough or whatever...but just to say bkk-dreamer is not in an unsatisfactory arrangement because his bf likes to stay home and doesnt work. his bf is ultra-loyal to him and even if you jump all the above hurdles you are not guaranteed a "cute, sweet, hot, rich, pretty, loyal Thai who can speak english perfectly". far from it.
bkk dreamer is right. loyalty is the biggie. you can find it anywhere - or nowhere.
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kimoochii212 April 2009 at 15:06
Did I appear to judge BKK's relationships? Why would I? It's his choice. I have read extensively on the attitude with which ordinary Thais regard prostitutes. Still, it's so out in the open. I don't even know where Silom is; I'm guessing it's the red light district in Bangkok. The consequences of expressing any opinion in a blog, which you hope might interest some people, is always that someone half understands what you wrote and you'll spend the rest of the day trying to explain/defend yourself. So you have no relationship? Ummm.
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Anonymous3 April 2009 at 01:41
ReplyDeleteBB,
I don't think only a year is enough to give you a wide enough range of people to talk with- I'm certainly not much further along than you are in that sense, but I see the potential. You seem to be on the same page I am (so to speak) with regard to meeting the right kinds of people, and in getting over the barriers to finding them.
However...
the alarm sign I see in your post is this desire to meet someone 'cute, sweet, or hot.'
Attraction is really quite a psychological word. If you have found that you are meeting people who don't work well with you- or you have a pattern of meeting personalities who specifically don't work well with you- it may be that you are selecting unconsciously for people who won't connect with you or will do so the wrong way. It is a defense mechanism often used to avoid intimacy, frequently employed by those who come from dysfunctional families. In some cases, it is used to avoid all connections whatsoever (which seems to be happening in your case) and in others it is used to avoid real, nurturing relationships even though a 'relationship' or something with some of its characteristics seems to be happening (that is what I would surmise about BKKdreamer's relationship choices).
My advice for you would be to shake up your categories- don't regard them as 'standards' because that is too excluding. Find reasons to include people in your dating range, and go out and meet a lot of people. Be, as it were, a little slutty with a wide variety of people- and make sure it is a variety (perhaps you could do some blind dating or have a friend choose people for you instead). Choose people of a different age, size, or type than you would normally find 'cute.' Don't make it serious- make it clear that you're only testing the waters for now and don't put any pressure on anyone- set out deliberately not to have a relationship.
Then see what happens. Considering your age, it seems to me that all you have to do is get out of your own way (and you simply don't realize it is you that is in your way).
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Asia in Australia3 April 2009 at 04:55
kimoochi: an example about the judging:
"This is not going to end well."
how can you know? why does this have to be said over and over again. this is a BLOG and not a 1-1 reality about a relationship.
people write blogs for different reasons, maybe as a way to release frustrations or whatever. but it doesnt have to represent reality. some blogs could even be inventions.
if you read so extensively about prostitution in Thailand and going to move here and are gay, I am a bit surprised you do not know Silom. it's that place where these fascinating shows with rows of boys in white undies take place:)
lastly, I am in a relationship. but what does it matter?
anonymous: thanks for your kind response! we do seem to be in a similar situation then.
you are right, one year is probably not enough. we cant expect to find a good relationship in a year I guess just by meeting many "good" people.
dont be alarmed by my use of cute, hot etc. it was meant as an ironic remark...
but you are right. often we meet people for the wrong reasons. maybe that's why I had virtually no interesting contacts...
BUT I must tell you that I did have quite a range of contacts from many many areas of the society and city. I think I do have a bit of an overview...
and thanks for the dating advice but since october, it's not needed anymore:)
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Anonymous3 April 2009 at 05:19
ReplyDeleteBB - good luck with things, then! Sounds like you know what you need & are happy.
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Asia in Australia3 April 2009 at 10:28
Thank you mister anonymous for your kind words. I hope that things are as you said:)
Do check my blog if you wish. Who knows, you might like it and find that I am not always happy...
sorry for the self-advertising here...but I think bkk doesnt mind:)
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