Repeat after me: Fish, Policeman, Pig

A visit to the doctor in Bangkok is always an experience. Last night, I went to Chulalongkorn Hospital about my left ear.

It has felt odd for weeks, as if it is full of water. At work last night, I was having trouble hearing.

I belong to a social insurance scheme, which allows me to visit my local state hospital for free.

It has been years since I visited Chula. I had forgotten what to do. I didn't even know where it was, and was surprised to find the hospital is just around the corner from the top of Silom.

If you go to Chula after hours, you visit the emergency room, even if your problem is not that acute.

The place is stuffed with young doctors, men and women alike. I was the only foreign face there, and was quickly surrounded by doctors eager to probe me about my condition.

I jostled for attention with aged monks in flimsy robes, children with minor scrapes, middle-aged women with purple faces.

Chulalongkorn Hospital is supposedly the nation's top state hospital.

The emergency ward is run-down; the corridors surrounding it, where I went to pay a token fee, are like a rabbit's warren, poorly lit and neglected.

My case was assigned to a young woman in a white coat, who questioned me for 20 minutes. She spent longer questioning me, in fact, than she did examining me.

While she was probing me earnestly, her colleagues approached me to chat.

'Hello!' one young doctor with a pock-marked face asked me in English, not once, but twice, even three times. The others laughed.

'Farang ears! ' they must have thought. 'They are bigger than Thai ears...I wonder what goes wrong with farang ears that we don't find in Thai ears.'

My young doctor consulted a senior colleague, who looked in my ear after she had finished. 'You have an abrasion,' she said.

The doctor referred me to a specialist at the same hospital.

I went to see her at an ENT outpatients' clinic at 8am today.

I waited 3.5 hours before my name was called, which was a pain.

I complained several times about the delay, but really should have held my tongue: in the West, at least when I left the place, patients can wait months to see a specialist.

A young woman, slightly older than the doctor from the night before, saw me.

She took a quick look in my ear, and asked me to get my hearing tested at a lab across the way.

That took another hour or two. The highlight was getting my hearing tested in a sound lab, built in a sound-proofed tank.

It looked like a diver's tank. The only thing it lacked was one of those wheels on the door which you swivel around to get it open.

The lab has one window, looking out into the doctor's office. I sat inside, while the doctor stayed at her desk, talking to me through a microphone.

'Put the headphones on, and hold up your finger every time you hear a pulse,' she said.

She told me to turn away from the window, so I couldn't see when she pressed her pulse switch.

Beep!

I raised a finger.

The modulation of the beeps varied, as did the pitch. Some, I could barely make out. Judging by the results of my test, I missed some beeps altogether.

Inside the tank, I was surrounded by toys, no doubt intended for the amusement of kids whose parents bring them in to get their hearing tested.

The best part?

The woman testing my hearing - at 44, the oldest of all the doctors who treated me - asked me to repeat Thai words after her.

She put a face mask between her mouth and the microphone, to muffle the words as she spoke. Some were hard to make out.

'Fish.'

'Pig.'

'Student.'

'Policeman.'

This is the way to learn a language, I thought - repeat the words as a native speaker pronounces them.

Unfortunately, my pronunciation habits are already cast like dye into my memory. They are hard to change, even when I try.

Fortunately, I did not do too bad a job learning the pronunciation rules when I started on Thai nine years ago.

Well, that's what I tell myself. Forgive an ageing man his indulgences.

PS: The result? The hearing in my left ear has diminished 20%. I go back on Wednesday to see if we can find the cause.

PS 2: I spent the day surrounded by women doctors, which is welcome. For some silly reason, I thought the Thai medical profession might be dominated by men.

Idolising Au (อุ๊ หฤทัย): Go for it, girl!

Even as my age, it is okay to have idols...to follow them devotedly, in fact.

Since the early days of our relationship, boyfriend Maiyuu has introduced me to Thai singers, actors, writers and other arty types who take his fancy.

Some have been with him since he was a teenager. His Mum or his sister might have liked them. Or maybe he discovered them through his gay friends.

Maiyuu took the opportunity to pass on what he knows to me.

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Most of the contemporary, soft-pop singers Maiyuu likes are favourites of the gay set.

Many are women, such as Mint Maleewan Jemina, Amp Saowaluck Leelabutr... Some are wannabe women, such as superstar Bird McIntyre.

Bangkok flower market

Among the real women, one of my favourites is Au Hareutai Puangboonsri, a former Grammy singer who has since branched out into new fields (more of that below).

In fact, it would be fair to say that she became my first Thai singing idol.

I bought her albums: her solo efforts, her early albums with the group Seven.

I followed what she was doing in the news. Maiyuu even took me to one of her concerts, which she performed with fellow Grammy performer Amp Saowaluck Leelabutr.

Back in those days, Maiyuu was a social animal. His night-time adventures took him to the usual gay nightspots, such as Khao San Rd, Or Tor Kor.

A couple of times, he came across singer Au (อุ๊ หฤทัย ม่วงบุญศรี), who was herself out for the night.

In those days, she lived in Pak Khlong Talad, the Bangkok flower market, with a friend who ran a flower shop (see image above).

Maiyuu and I used to visit that market in the early hours, to buy flowers for our place. However, I never saw singing diva Au myself.

One night, Maiyuu spotted Au walking down Khao San Rd. Another time, she was sitting in a small bar drinking with friends.

Maiyuu and I were both fans, so he plucked up the courage to talk to her.

'Pee, do you mind if I take your picture on my cellphone?' Maiyuu asked.

Au put down her cigarette, and her whisky.

'You know, she drinks Sang Som!' Maiyuu told me later, referring to that harsh Thai rum which makes hair grow on a man's chest.

She posed for his cellphone picture, which was kind. But there was more.

'My farang boyfriend loves you. Would you mind signing something?' he asked.

'A farang!' she exclaimed. 'I didn't know I had many farang fans.'

Maiyuu borrowed a piece of paper from the bar and gave it her to sign. She addressed it to me in English, then signed her name in Thai.

My name is hard to spell, and she got it wrong. But it is the thought that counts.

Today, I still have that scrap of paper, along with a couple of news clippings of Au in the flower market with her singer friend Amp.

They were promoting their singing-duo concert.

Maiyuu took me to the concert, the only time I have been to a live concert with him in Bangkok.

The pair performed at the gritty Thammasat University hall.

The concert was great. I particularly enjoyed the banter between Au and Amp, as it brought me closer to her, I thought.

Back in those days, I entertained the thought of her as a potential girlfriend, should I lose Mayuu to some calamity.

As we listened to her, my eyes would well with tears (actually, they still do).

Usually, Mayiuu understood, as he found her voice moving too. But occasionally, Maiyuu would give me a worried look. 'Is my boyfriend going mad...again?'

In the last few years, Au has been busy with other things. In Phra Khanong district, close to where Maiyuu and I live, she is a local body representative, no small accomplishment in a country where politics is still dominated by men.

Dear Au...if I spot another pothole in the road, can I call you? And will you to send men in singlets around to fix it?

As part of the research for this post, I Googled my singing idol.

Husky voiced Au, in turns out, is a former student activist, who at the age of 18 spent a night and two days in prison.

This was during the May 1992 protests in Bangkok, popularly known as Black May. She said:

'My family is interested in politics. I was brought up with protest songs.

'As a child, my parents took me to commemoration events for the October 1973 massacre. Then, as an arts student at a technical college, I joined protests against the government of Suchinda Kraprayoon.

'I spent two months at the King Chulalongkorn Monument, where I saw solders shoot students. During the military crackdown, I sought sanctuary at the Rattanakosin Hotel, but soldiers found us.

King Chulalongkorn monument

'I spent a night in jail, along with other protesters. We were freed after the King, calling for social unity, intervened,' she told Kom Chad Luek newspaper.

Twelve years ago, Au embarked on a career as a performer, releasing her first album with the group Paper Jam. She also joined a group called Seven, and put out two solo albums.

However, she always had a sense of politics being in the background...waiting.

A few years ago, she took a break from singing to enter politics.

Au says she has achieved one of her life goals in being elected to serve the people of Phra Khanong as their local body representative.

'Politics brings me close to people,' she says.

Au also runs a muay thai boxing ring with her uncle. 'I am promoting muay thai as a national treasure...one of the performing arts in the fighting arena.

'Muay thai brings in a fortune to our country every year, but government help is still needed to preserve it.

'In the boxing ring, it is a fight between two people. In the political arena, the important thing is not who wins or loses, but the voters who get the benefit,' she says.

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Occasionally, Au returns to her old love, singing. Most recently, she performed in the 11th Green concert (promoted by a local radio station, Greenwave), called Seven Divas.

Au performs along with six other Thai singing doyen. All have been around a while...including one performer who next year celebrates her 20th year in the business.

Maiyuu bought the concert VCD, which we watched this morning. Au performed a couple of her hits from years ago.

She looks older, as do we all. Her voice has dropped markedly, and at times she seemed to be fighting for air.

'It's all the cigarettes and booze,' says Maiyuu.

However, she's still the same Au which Maiyuu and I have admired for almost a decade now.

Good on you, girl. You're a fighter.

Au is part of my earliest memories of Thailand - and I daresay Au (along with Maiyuu, my other girl) will be with me until the end of those days, too.

Postscript: Sample Au via YouTube here.

Tasty daily dramas

This blog is popular with readers when relations between my boyfriend and I are at a low ebb.

Readers like hearing about my difficulties with Maiyuu...the terrible things he does to me, the inept way I respond. Well, that's how many readers appear to view our relationship problems.

Regardless of who is the real mover and shaker in our relationship, my blog tracker tells me that for many readers, this blog is a more interesting read when Maiyuu and I are in the middle of some crisis.

The number of daily visitors spikes. When we are getting along well, reader interest falls.

It seems that I cannot make both go well at the same time. When my relationship with Maiyuu is ticking along happily, as it is at the moment - no fights, ructions - my blog slumps.

It becomes a poor, lacklustre, uninteresting lump of a thing, at least for those readers interested in the daily dramas of our lives. No drama, no fun!

Since my latest disagreement with Maiyuu over his unauthorised purchase of an I-Phone abated, readership has steadily declined.

I am now 200 readers a day lighter than I was at the peak of the drama, when thousands of readers visited my blog every day.

Okay, I exaggerate about the thousands of readers. Even so, it has still dropped.

Bangkok bloggers are a precious lot when it comes to disclosing their readership. None wants anyone to know how poorly read we are.

If a blogger wants to boast about a readership increase - and he will never tell us about a readership slump - he will invariably give us the percentage rise, without an accompanying raw figure.

Without the raw figure, the percentage rise is meaningless, even misleading.

That's the intention, of course. Bloggers who resort to such sleights of hand want us to think they are uber well-read.

'My blog readership increased 200% today!'

That's great, love - from two a day to six?

I want my readership to revive. However, I am also enjoying this recent improvement in my usually turbulent relations with Maiyuu. Which one do I value more? I give you one guess.

Feeling old, pecan pie, Thai helpmate

Boyfriend Maiyuu is making old man's noises in the kitchen. Oooh! he says. Aaaah!

I hope he does not feel as old as he sounds. Only one of us is entitled to feel that old around here, and that's me. Maiyuu is just 31, and can wait his turn.

I suspect he is merely mimicking me.

I like to complain that I feel old. I am in my early 40s, but always feel tired.

Maiyuu denies I am old. He just says I like to act that way.

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Maiyuu has been to the Carrefour store in Pra Ram 4 four or five times this week. On the latest visit, he found a pack of rolled pastry which he needed to make a pecan and chocolate pie.

Maiyuu saw the pastry on a visit early in the week, but the other day, when we went together, they had sold out. On today's visit they had restocked, so he bought a pack. He has now made his pecan pie, and taken a picture, which I shall post here tomorrow.

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Last night, on a shopping trip to Silom, he found a pastry cutter. I had asked him to buy a Thai magazine, Koo Sang Koo Som (Helpmate), as I have nothing to read. He brought back one of those too.

I go through phases when I like that magazine. I last quit reading it about two months ago, as it became too dull. I should have stuck by my decision.

The latest edition is rubbish - a waste of my precious B20. The magazine, which is celebrating its 30th anniversary, appeals to women. The latest copy contains articles on etiquette, Tom Cruise, love between couples... I haven't yet found the ubiquitous Thai ghost story, but I'm sure it's in there.

Discount shopper, visitor to paradise, Campari queen

The old Carrefour, now Big C on Rama 4

I love shopping at the Carrefour hypermarket on Pra Ram 4, because it is spacious and smart.

I am sure that's what all low-income people say, but I don't care. It really is big.

The boyfriend and I visited Carrefour and the Tesco Lotus store opposite last weekend, and again today. Years have passed since we were last there.

‘We came here for lunch one day, while you were still living at the YWCA nine years ago,’ Maiyuu told me.

The prices in the supermarket, hardware and clothing sections were absurdly cheap.

We priced a handful of grocery items. Most were B20 cheaper than where we normally shop, at our local Tops supermarket, or in Silom.

The complex is close to the Klong Toey slum district. After touring the supermarket at Carrefour, Maiyuu took me for a walk down Sukhumvit soi 24, towards the Emporium department store, for a look at how the other half lives.

The Emporium

This is a plush part of town. The sidewalks are lined with paving-stones. We passed boutique massage joints, restaurants and interior design shops. Condos compete for space on the skyline.

At the Emporium, Maiyuu took me to the supermarket on the upper floors. The place is smart, but starved for space. It reminded of the cramped suburban mall next my old condo in Thon Buri.

Both places are owned by the same outfit, the Mall Group. They can afford to spend a little more on space, I reckon.

Not all foreigners feel compelled to spend big money buying their groceries at the Emporium. Some serfs like me would just as rather slum it at Tesco Lotus and Carrefour – not just because the prices are lower, but because we have more space to move.

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For our next adventure this afternoon, Maiyuu and I will take a walk to a fresh market which opens twice a week, close to our home.

Today is market day, Maiyuu tells me. Last time we were there, I bought a bag of large tomatoes for just 15 baht. How cheap is that?

A quick pink gin or two

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Mr Pink Gins and I are now acquainted. I met him at his condo last night for – that’s right, pink gins.

A judge friend from overseas was staying. The three of us sat around his dining table and swapped Thai guy tales.

The night before, I walked home from work through fierce rain. My jogging shoes were soaked by the time I walked in the door. They are only a few months old, but now smell like rotting flesh.

After visiting PG, I was to go to work. I took the same sodden pair of shoes in a bag with me, just in case I was rained on again.

In the opulent stained-wood surrounds of PG’s gin palace, I felt self-conscious. Would he be able to smell my disgusting shoes? They would not go down well with our fine cheeses and dried apricots, I thought.

I left them by the door. PG was too polite to say anything, even if he noticed. Nor did his charming Australian (they do have them) guest complain.

Actually, I suspect we were all too pickled on pink gins – Bombay Sapphire, Campari, and soda.

Well, I think it was Campari. I was too merry to notice.