Boyfriend's admirers

My Thai partner saw me chatting on an overseas-based website for gays, where I recently opened an account. This is the first time I have posted a profile at a gay site, and Maiyuu, who has belonged to a British-based gay site for a couple of years, looked surprised. ‘That’s a modern site,’ he said.

In the last week I have visited the site regularly to look at members’ profiles and chat in the Thai chatroom, which is so geared to foreigners rather than Thais that few Thai members there even seem aware they can type in the local language.

I quickly transfer people I meet there to MSN Messenger, so I can put our fledgling relationship onto a more wholesome footing, and where I banish questions like 'how are you,' 'what are your stats,' and 'what brings you here today?'

I must have told Maiyuu that he could join the website free, because when I logged on recently and did a profile search, his one came up.

His profile is mercifully light on detail. Unlike his profile at the UK website, he has posted no naked pics, and told no lies about how he is single (how can he be, when he lives with me), and looking for a relationship (he has one of those already).

As it happens, I stumbled on his password today, which I used to enter his account at the UK gay site. His password is touchingly simple: the day, month and year of his birth.

If I ever asked Maiyuu for his password, he might even tell me, as we normally share most things, and his friends are a fairly open bunch. But there are a few things I do not ask, such as whether he has had sex lately (he doesn’t have it with me) or who he is seeing on his many nights away from home.

His inbox was stuffed with posts from admirers, mainly foreigners, which surprised me. I thought he would stick to Thais, but no. They like his slender body, pretty face, and ‘naughty pics,’ as one guy put it. One man who lives in Bangkok invited him for group sex, another invited him to go travelling with him when he visits the city next week. One or two admirers apologise for being older than he says he wanted.

A few of the guys look quite ancient; one or two of the faces I have seen before, lurking in the chatroom or on the profiles board at other gay websites. The online gay community among foreigners in Bangkok seems depressingly small.

I can’t tell from the posts which party made first contact, Maiyuu or his admirers, or whether the boyfriend was really interested, or simply being polite. Nor can I tell, in most cases, whether any meeting actually took place.

The most intriguing post is from a man who appears to live in Shanghai, and whom Maiyuu did meet. In fact, I dimly recall Maiyuu telling me once he had a Shanghai friend. Maiyuu writes to him asking if he returned from his Bangkok trip safely, says he hopes his work is going well – and that he is missing his kisses and cuddles.

I can only assume they met in a hotel. I wonder whether Maiyuu went alone or took friends, and how it all went. Did this man treat him well, and was Maiyuu ever scared?

These are all questions I cannot ask, because I do not give him sex, so feel I have no right to probe. When he is with me, he does not take or make telephone calls in English, as I would be suspicious; however, I do not regard him as sneaky by nature, so that is merely a sensible and obvious precaution. Or am I being too generous?

My first reaction after reading this lurid smorgasbord of proposed sexual assignations was to take myself to the condo roof, to cry.

Howver, I also feel strangely proud of Maiyuu.

He is not as scared of meeting foreigners as I thought. Nor is he as shy and bashful as I had assumed. He lost both his parents at a young age, and I was not sure if they had time to give him the necessary emotional equipment to love and be loved easily. Clearly, I need not have worried.

So, for any foreigner readers who are interested: the cynic in me can vouch for Maiyuu as a pleasant, honest, straight-forward young man who would take good care of you should you ever meet or (perish the thought) fall in love. However, I cannot say for sure if he would leave me to begin a relationship with you, dear reader, as we still have a few residual ties to each other that are not quite severed yet.

Maiyuu still seems to love me, his middle-aged farang friend with a small weight problem. After so long together, I know I can trust him. For his part, he knows he can rely on me to get to work on time, and in most cases get home safely at night. We treat each other with courtesy and respect.

Hell, I might even fight you to keep him. Imagine that: a tug of war with another foreigner over my boyfriend. What are you: a tourist? A teacher? Are you young, old, fat, thin? How ugly and explicit is your profile? And how well will you look after my young man?

Maiyuu occupies a special place in my heart. He has done well to have survived this long without parents to guide him – or indeed a decent boyfriend to show him the love and affection he deserves. I seem to have forgotten how, as these days we behave mainly like friends. But I do love him, deep down, and hope that by writing about him one day I can rediscover the things we have lost.

I don’t know if he is aware of how I feel, because we rarely talk about such things. Most of our deepest conversations come in the make-up phase after arguments, of which, these days, we have mercifully few.

I know Maiyuu is far too sensible to waste money on foreigners, the way I spend money recklessly on young Thais who catch my eye. Still, I hope the visitors from overseas buy him lots of presents, as those are gifts I will not have to buy him myself. That makes me wonder: last month when Maiyuu bought home an Ipod music player he says he won at a department store, in an extraordinary stroke of good fortune that took us both by surprise, did he really win it, or was it a gift from an admirer?

One day I hope we can share our adventures together. I’ll be able to enthuse or despair (as the case may be) about the poor young Thai I met at my drinking spot by the river last night, while he can tell me about the ageing, wealthy foreigner he met at a hotel. Who knows, now that we are both members of the same gay website, we might meet each other there. We could even end up liking the same (Thai) people, and go on a triple date.

In the meantime, next time he visits the website, Maiyuu will discover he has a new admirer. I don’t know whether he will have me, as I do not boast impressive stats or hold out wild promises of naughty sex or faraway travel the way some on that board do - but I have sent him my first buddy request.

Postscript: Maiyuu says he hardly ever meets people on those sites. 'Too dangerous,' he says. I agree.