Sleepless society (part 1)

I do not like taking sleeping pills. I do not want to become dependent on them. I worry about what they are doing to my shape.

However, Bangkok's pace of life is too much. Its inhabitants seem to need no regular sleep. My partner Maiyuu and his friends pursue a ghastly up-at-all-hours gay lifestyle, which plays havoc with my routines. Some nights I have no choice but to knock myself out.

Pills help bring a sense of order to my down time, when all about me is gay/kathoey chaos.

Back in my 20s and 30s, I could get to sleep easily. Over the last couple of years, that has changed, so now it's a struggle to enter the land of nod. As the problem has become more apparent, so has my need for a solution become more acute.

In myself, I have witnessed an unpleasant progression of need unfold. Once, I lived without sleeping pills. Then, in the next phase, I was complacent whether we had any lying about home or not. Now I start worrying about where to get my next supply when my current stash runs out.

In the market where I live, I have become adept at tracking them down, and now have regular suppliers.

A local chemist will sell them in small plastic bags, five or so at a time. I don't know what brand they are, as I have never bought from him direct. He only sells them to his friends. Happily, someone who knows him lives in my condo. When I need more pills, I can ask my friend to buy the little purple ones for me.

Another supplier is a friend of boyfriend Maiyuu. He works for a place offering Lasik treatment. Patients are knocked out with half a sleeping pill before getting their eyes zapped. He supplies Maiyuu with half a dozen sleeping pills when he asks, which he has done twice on my behalf.

If those sources dry up, then there is always the doctor at the local hospital. She will give me five pills at a time, plus pills to address whatever is causing my sleeplessness in the first place.

Doctors are also keen that we address the cause. It is not enough that we merely tackle the symptoms, as sleeping pills can be addictive.

I visited the hospital yesterday, after failing to sleep the night before. The doctor asked what was wrong.

I told her that I was stressed with work, so she gave me anti-stress pills as well. Last time she gave me muscle relaxants.

I have rarely bothered to take the pills on the side-menu, so to speak. But yesterday I learned that they, too, can make the patient drowsy. Good to hear: I have a large supply sitting at home unused.

I was not completely frank with the doctor - another sign that a worrying drug habit is taking hold. In truth, the cause of my lack of sleep was not work, but my crazy life at home.

now, see part 2