Friday, 12 January 2007

ATM card blues


Maiyuu has just discovered that I am not willing to give him back the ATM card to my bank account. Negotiations have opened in earnest, with Maiyuu offering all manner of reasons why I should change my mind and give him access to my money again. 'I do not know how much our day to day expenses vary, so we will end up fighting over money every day.'

Or: 'If you do not give me the card I won't be able to buy as many groceries for home, or look after you so well, which I love doing.'

Or: 'I do not use the money for anything else. The day I took money from your account without telling you was for an emergency.'

Until recently, Maiyuu held the ATM card for the account into which my salary is paid. Every two weeks when I get paid, Maiyuu transfers to himself B5000 from there into his own account, then transfers to me a similar amount, which I keep in my own personal account to meet various expenses.

He uses the ATM card to withdraw cash from the central account to pay household bills, groceries and anything else we need - including clothes, when I need to be clothed, or any other personal items too large to pay for from my personal account.

Last week, during his hospital visit, he took B35,000 from the main account to buy a form of health cover which would have limited his ongoing treatment expenses - only to return to the hospital the next day to cancel it. He took both steps without bothering to consult me, his putative boyfriend.

I told him that if he wants to carry on his life as if I am not here, then I can no longer trust him to make joint decisions with our money - so I cancelled the ATM card, and made a new one for myself.

I have not given it to him, nor told him the PIN number. We avoided talking about the matter after he left hospital. He looked too miserable, so I did not want to bother him.

Today, however, I asked him how he wanted to handle the household finances, now that I intend to keep the card. That threw him into an immediate sulk.

In the last 30 minutes he has recovered enough stamina to send me half a dozen lengthy text messages, proposing I give him as much control, if not more, over my own money than he enjoyed before.

'You can transfer all the money to my account, but keep the card,' he said. So I would end up holding the card to an account which was permanently empty? Sure!

Never let it be said that Thais are so sleepy that when their own interests are threatened, they are not prepared to defend them, even with the most bizarre excuses, tricks and schemes.

As I look through old text messages, I can't help but notice that most of our arguments are over money, particularly his failure to account for how he spends it. He does not bring home home bank statements, show me receipts for bills, or even tell me the balance, unless I ask.

Today he admitted he had behaved poorly, but asked for a second chance.

'I felt like your second wife, who you only bothered to visit only when you were tired of work, or bored with your friends,' I said.

'But now that I have cancer, my life has to change,' he said.

'You have had six years to change, but never did. You have lost your chance,' I said.

We are locked in a battle of wills, and each of us is just as good at wearing the other down.

Last night Maiyuu went out for the first time since his return. Lying in my arms after he came home, he said he was worried his cancer would spread aggressively.

'I would like to travel on an airplane, just once,' he said.

Ironically, the money which he cleaned out of my account was intended for just this purpose. I told him before Christmas that I would like to take him to Singapore, his first trip overseas.

Since then his health problems have intervened, which is a new thing, but the old arguments about money just carry on.

If his condition indeed worsens, and he shows signs that he really is willing to change his behaviour, then I will probably return the card. In the meantime, in a superbly ruthless attempt at blackmail, he says my withholding the card is likely to worsen his condition anyway.

My God, I must be mean. Just think of how much more productive my life could be if I didn't have to deal with this nonsense every day. The Thais in my life are in danger of making me as childish as they are themselves.

Postscript: After enduring another blizzard of annoying text messages, I finally relented - once I had extracted a promise from Maiyuu that he would change his behaviour. We'll see how long it lasts.

I told him that if he shows signs of slipping back to his bad old ways I would change the PIN number immediately - and we can go through the whole painful saga again.

2 comments:

  1. What you've said in this message makes it seem even more important that you call your boyfriend to account for his past and future behavior- get receipts and records, especially for the recent "hospital" incident. Strange how he's happy to discuss his cancer when it's to be used as a lever to get more access to your money.

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  2. As part of the new regime I might insist we sign up for internet banking. In fact, I can do it myself, if I take my work permit and passport into the bank. That way I can keep an eye on what is happening in my account, even if he is not forthcoming with the details.

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Comments are welcome, in English or Thai (I can't read anything else). Anonymous posting is discouraged, unless you'd like to give yourself a name at the bottom of your post, so we can tell who you are.