Cancer diagnosis (part 2, final)

I could not understand why he cried at first, except perhaps as a delayed reaction to the stress and unpleasantness we have put ourselves through, fighting over the last few days.

Now I know why he cried: he thought he was about to lose the love we have for each other - which for my part I only recently discovered was still there, after a long dormant patch.

Late yesterday, I asked him whether the doctors found anything else, other than the obstruction in his urinary tract.

It occurred to me that Maiyuu might have something more, as so much secrecy for a urinary complaint was unusual, and hard to understand.

'They found many things,' he said quietly. They also told me I have cancer.'

Maiyuu said he knew how best to treat it: he would pull out of the Chon Buri hospital scheme, and simply treat himself at home. In his darkest moments that day, I believe Maiyuu wanted to give up on treatment altogether.

However, we have now decided that there is no need for such despond. His cancerous growth is small, and the obstruction in his urinary tract is apparently unrelated.

'You still have to get up, do daily errands, go to work and carry on just like everyone else each day, so you may as well fight on,' I said. 'It is not as if you are confined to a hospital bed. Even then, some people find the strength to fight cancer,' I said.

Maiyuu and I are doing our best to busy ourselves with daily routines, to stop him worrying. Today we went to the mall to buy groceries. Back at home, Maiyuu made a delicious meat and vegetable soup, so chunky it is almost like a western-style stew. We bought Marsha's new live concert on VCD, and watched it together.

His doctor has told him that the best thing he can do is avoid stress. 'Tension could make the cancer grow,' he said. He has also told Maiyuu, 29, to cut down on the cigarette smoking, and then ultimately quit.

I have suggested Maiyuu try counselling, if he wants to talk to someone other than his boyfriend. I also suggested he visit my massage friends in the market, though Maiyuu says he does not want women massaging his body, only men.

'You can do it for me instead,' he said.

He has been so tense he is now getting headaches. I hope my massages help: after getting so many massages myself lately, I should have picked up a few manoeuvres by now.

'I feel miserable and depressed,' Maiyuu said tonight, before I left for work.

For the first time in a long time, Maiyuu is happy to have me close. We hold each other often, or just stop in the middle of doing other things, to hug.

No matter how small the cancer invasion, Maiyuu and I are about to embark on a new chapter of our story. Today, as we walked through the Mall, I felt proud of him. In fact, I felt as if we were the strongest, happiest and most united couple there.