While Maiyuu was in hospital getting a urinary tract obstruction treated, doctors found something much more unwelcome - a patch of cancer on one of his lungs.
It is but a small growth, and there are no immediate signs that it is spreading, as the rest of his body appears to be clear. For now doctors will treat it will drugs, in the hope they can kill the cancer cells.
While he was in hospital, doctors persuaded him to take out a form of health cover which limits expenses to the patient, but would have involved Maiyuu travelling to Chon Buri several times a month, to be treated at a specialist hospital for cancer patients.
However, Maiyuu has now decided against that idea, as he believes all that travelling over the next six to 12 months would disrupt his routines and only add to his stress levels.
He has now told the hospital that he wants to cancel the policy, and get his money back. His doctor was unhappy to hear this news, as he had already sent the paperwork and Maiyuu's B35,000 deposit to the insurance company and the bank. We will have to wait at least another month for a refund, even though he opened the account only the other day.
Overseas, insurers might be obliged to offer a new customer a cooling off period, in which he can rethink whether he really wants to take out a policy. Here, insurers are too greedy to offer their customers such a service, and consumer protection law as yet too basic to oblige them to take a step back. So wait we shall.
Maiyuu took the cover, and then changed his mind, both without telling me. I would have been happy for him to keep it, especially if the treatment he gets at a specialist hospital is better than that which he can expect at Chulalongkorn.
However, I have emphasised that it is his choice. I have yet to see any of the paperwork, as the doctor who arranged the cover has now taken it all back, so he can cancel the cover and ask for a refund on our behalf.
Maiyuu told his doctor that his farang partner was unhappy about the way the cover was arranged. The doctor, whom Maiyuu asked to contact me to discuss his treatment, decided he did not want to talk to such an irritable customer. As a result, I have yet to talk to anyone about Maiyuu's treatment options, his condition, or what is best for his health.
Maiyuu has now agreed to take me into the hospital so I can talk to someone, though he warns that his doctor is busy and may not be available.
For two days after he came back from hospital, Maiyuu did his best best to withhold details of his condition and treatment. The cancer diagnosis scared him so much he thought he was about to die, and that if he told me I would worry. If he was that sick, he told himself, he would rather than just die at home, without anyone knowing.
This is why he brought home no documents from the hospital, why he refused to let me see him there or pick him up on discharge, why he forbade me to tell his friends, and why he gave me so few details, other than what I managed to extract under questioning.
The first two nights after he returned, I asked him to hop into my bed for a cuddle. We held each other for a long time, after which I told him, 'I love you.' On both nights, those simple words were enough to make him cry.
now, see part 2
I hope you will accept some friendly advice. Your friend may be telling you the truth, even though his actions seem quite irrational. However, I have heard these odd stories often enough from Thais to know that they usually can't be taken at face value.
ReplyDeleteLet me see if I understand correctly. He has kept you from all contact with the doctor, the hospital, the paperwork, the insurance. Furthermore, he has insisted you not discuss this with his friends. He had bought insurance which was not insurance, but which is getting refunded, by taken most of your money without your permission.
I could just be getting old and cynical, but it seems very much to me like he took your money and is making up a tall tale either to excuse himself or to buy time. You have no direct evidence that any of his story is true. All you know is that he left you for several days and took your money.
If I were you, I would insist on meeting the doctor at the supposed hospital immediately. In the worst case, he will flee and you will lose your money- but if that is the direction things are going, your money is already lost and it would be better for you to be rid of him. An alternate method would be to force him to get a second opinion and "prove" he has cancer, but this leads to the scenario in which the first hospital becomes "mistaken" and he still doesn't have to show you any paperwork.
Is he really getting treated for a urinary tract infection? Where's his medicine? Most hospital-prescribed medicine in Thailand has a hospital-stamped label on it in lieu of a prescription.
It's my supposition that he will make up any excuse, tell you any wild lie, concoct awful family troubles, sick mothers, school problems, anything, to avoid taking you to this doctor if you don't insist. He will not admit it if he has lied to you- that way you are left without resolution even if you have to throw him out.
It's especially disgusting for someone to choose such a sensitive issue to get sympathy and excuse a theft. No doubt he's hoping that your sympathy for him will dull your common sense to the point where you don't have the willpower to insist on the simplest reality checks on his story, especially after he's committed such a huge breech of trust.
A prediction: If you don't assert yourself here and just let him continue with his script, things will drag out. He will hope you simply don't press the issue and will likely go into hysterics over other non-issues when you bring the matter up. He will claim that he is still getting treated for cancer but that he is getting "better," until (he hopes) you both forget about it all. Complications of the "insurance" will prevent any kind of "repayment," and you will chalk it up to inadequate consumer protection in Thailand.
A scenario which paints him in a slightly less evil light would be one in which he really does intend to repay you, but used the money for some other desperate purpose (family gambling debts?) and is buying time from you to do so.
The worst thing you could do is let him continue to keep "secrets" over this affair in which he has taken your money. At the very best, he has committed a major breech of trust; at the worst, he's conning you. Would you let someone take what would be many month's salary from you without permission back home without proof of what happened to it?
His behaviour has changed. He does not behave like someone who has taken money, and thinks he will get away with it (or even someone who has been caught out). He behaves like someone has told him he is going to die.
ReplyDeleteI have chosen to believe him. Time will tell whether I was right to do so. But I am prepared to take that risk, as I think he needs me now more than he has before.
We haven't been much good to each other as boyfriends. We have met each other's material needs, but seldom been there to comfort each other emotionally.
Whatever crisis has befallen him, I believe he needs my help emotionally now. He no longer looks to his friends as is first refuge or source of comfort, and nor do I.
The more he turns to me, the more inclined I am to overlook earlier worries about the lack of evidence or a paper trail. If he was still hooked on his friends and going out every night, I would think differently, but he is not.
The instinct to care and nurture brings out the human in us all. For a long time, I have devoted my energy to caring for others rather than my own boyfriend, who knows me better than anyone else. It's time I changed, too.