Sunday, 8 April 2007

Letting the girl out


Three friends gave me a snapshot of how straight Thai boys get along with their friends who happen to be gay.

Chu, my friend with the almond-shaped face, joined me for a drink with friends from university.

Two of his friends live together in the same rented room. Interestingly, one is gay. His name is Por. His room-mate, Ouie, was quick to tell me about his sexual preference, because they like teasing each other.

Both Chu and Ouie grow their hair long, pulled back into a bun.
With their long hair and sensitive features, they looked just as feminine as young Por, but did not seem aware of it - or if they do know, do not care.

Ouie was unhappy with his roommate Por, though he insisted it was nothing serious. They carried on like a pair of lovers who had just had an argument, even though they are supposedly just friends - one straight, the other gay.

'I want you to say sorry and make it up to me, but you just sit there and sulk,' said Ouie. 'You are so fake,' he said, giving him a friendly pout.

'You are so dumb,' Por replied, returning the gesture.

The two were seated next to each other, and carried on in this humorous vein most of the night. One would give the other a pout, and the other return it with a sulky stare. Sometimes they gave each other a light-hearted thump, or whispered things to each other.

They were like boys at play, which is always fun to watch. They gave me glimpses of just how close two Thai men can get to one another, without crossing that invisible line between what is acceptable behaviour, and what is not.

Por and Ouie met in their first year at university, and have known each other two years. Chu is one year older, and lives in a different place. He watched, laughing, as his friends bickered light-heartedly among themselves.

The relationship between Ouie and Por looked deeper than mere friendship. They cheerfully acknowledged as much, when I put it to them.

'Who does the washing, buys the food, and pays the bills?' I asked.

'Por does that, because he's the woman of the household,' said Ouie.

'But I don't mind doing it because the men are so hopeless,' said Por.

'He only does the washing so he can sniff my boxers,' said Ouie.

'You couldn't turn the machine on if you tried,' replied Por.

The boys live with a third roomate, who is straight. Ouie does not undress in front of Por, because Por is gay. However, he will undress in front of his other room-mate, because he is safe. If Ouie is there, he goes to the bathroom when he needs to undress.

However, Por and Ouie do sleep on the same bed together. And when they are in bed, gay Por actually wears more clothes - a singlet or T-shirt, and boxers - than straight Ouie, who wears boxers alone.

When it is cold, they hold and hug each other, said Ouie...though of course it rarely gets that cold.

If one boy or other other has found a mate whom he wants to bring home for the night, he calls in advance. If Por finds a boy he wants to bring home to bed, Ouie will find somewhere else to sleep. However, he likes to meet Por's friends of the night, because he worries about him.

At present, both boys are single, though they have both had many sleeping partners.

Chu likes to drink at Khao San Rd, where a couple of nights ago he and a Thai friend met a farang who had just argued with his girlfriend.

Unlike the good-natured bickering between Ouie and Por, this was a more serious row, which left everyone at the drinking table, including Chu, feeling stressed.

'But I felt so stressed afterwards that it was hard to sleep,' Chu said.

My young friend takes people's problems to heart easily, which is an endearing trait, but could cause him problems as he gets older.

I wonder what 'real' arguments are like between Ouie and Por, or between Chu and his girlfriend.

'Why is it that, when I see young Thai men drinking, they hardly ever bring their girlfriends?' I asked.

'They can't drink as well as us,' said Chu.

By the time our group dispersed, the sun was coming up. Chu was the first to leave, after urinating into the gutter, not 20m from where we sat. Ouie took me out to the street to to find a taxi.

Far be it for me to suggest that any of them carry on like girls, when most of them are self-proclaimed 'real' men.

But occasionally real men and gays can be hard to tell apart, especially when they are as close as Ouie and Por.

2 comments:

  1. in that case.. i guess there's a thin line between gay and young man lol..
    nonetheless its good to see friends getting so close without much discrimination :)

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  2. I suspect they are boys first, and other complicated things, like gay or straight, only much later. The bonds of friendship (some of which date from childhood), and the respect which comes with seniority mean a lot here...and if you were to declare yourself gay, you might start losing your friends fast. It's something the others can't be involved in, and may not understand.

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