Saying no to free sex

Kew is straight, and has been ever since I have known him. He has never had a boyfriend, and last time I saw him was in fact seeing a young woman.

So why does he want gay sex?

I was at my drinking hole in Thon Buri when he called. Kew was in the area, and suggested he drop in. Ten minutes later he presented himself, the first time we had met in several months.

Kew had cut his hair short, and was wearing the King's yellow. He has now broken up with the girl, though still lives with work friends at a condo not far from his mother's old place.

He has also changed jobs. Before, he made tiny model boats in bottles, under an Otop scheme, where provinces promote locally made goods such as handicrafts, for sale here and overseas.

The Otop scheme was started under the Thaksin Shinawatra government, deposed in last year's military coup. Because the army-backed crowd which succeeded him wants to distance itself from Thaksin, Otop no longer enjoys as much support. Without outlets to sell Otop products, demand dried up, and Kew and his three co-workers found themselves out of work.

They still have more than 100 of those painstakingly-crafted model ships in bottles lying in stock, but cannot find buyers.

Kew has now found a new job answering the telephone with a professional group representing employers.

His soft cotton shirt carried the organisation's logo emblazoned on the right pocket. He is proud of his new job - which his former Otop boss found for him - and rightly so.

When we talk on the phone, we call each other koo (I) and meung (you), which are rough, everyday personal pronouns in Thai for use between friends. I don't know where this game of ours started - a conversation in the distant past, when we were imitating the behaviour and speech patterns of 'real' men, perhaps.

When he turned up at Mum's shop, however, Kew was wearing a new mask. We were no longer in rough and tumble speech mode. Suddenly, he was speaking the soft language of chan (I) and ter (you) - romantic personal pronouns which Thai singers croon to their lovers, or which young men and women might use when they are in petting and coo-ing mode.

'I have never been to bed with a gay, and am curious to find out,' he said earnestly, looking deep into my eyes. 'You can enter me, if you like, or I can penetrate you. My only rule is, no kissing.'

'Why no kissing?' I asked.

'I don't think I could handle that...but everything else, I'm up for it,' he said.

I contemplated this magnanimous gesture. 'I don't want money, either. My new job pays only B6000 a month, but it is enough. So what do you say?'

'I don't want sex. When sex happens, everything changes,' I said.

'Is Maiyuu at home, or has he gone away?' he asked.

'He's at home,' I said.

'Well, in that case, we could go to a hotel,' said Kew. 'All you need do is pay B200.'

'I regard you as my nephew, or friend,' I told Kew. 'As handsome as you are, I don't want to go to bed with you.'

We were to go through this routine for the next half-hour. Every time he would ask if I wanted it, I would fend him off.

'Before she died, your Mum told me she wanted me to look after you, like an older brother. If that's the case, we can't sleep together, can we?' I asked.

Less than a minute after he sat down, Kew pointed to a couple of students drinking at a table nearby, one of whom I have long suspected is gay.

'He's gay,' said Kew, pointing to the same student, who was wearing a black t-shirt.

'I know that,' I said.

That didn't take long, I thought. How come his gaydar works so well?

Half an hour later, Kew said he would like to talk to Mr Black about having gay sex, as he was making so little progress with me.

At first, I was reluctant. I decided to play this game a little longer.

'I forbid you to talk to him, as you are my friend, and I don't want you sleeping with other men,' I told him, giving him a concerned look.

'Now you are being jealous and possessive!' said Kew.

He was trying to use Mr Black as leverage to get me into bed - or to get whatever it was that he really wanted.

I called his bluff.

'Alright, if you really want to talk to him, go ahead,' I said.

Kew stood up, walked over to Mr Black's table, and invited himself to join them.

I could not hear what he said, from where I sat. Occasionally, Kew, Mr Black or his friend would look over in my direction. They were smiling and laughing, so he must have been saying something about us. But I doubt he was talking too much about gay sex.

Ten minutes later, Kew rejoined my table. 'They're both real men,' he said, looking disappointed.

'What did you say to them?' I asked.

'We didn't talk about too much...where they study, the football,' he said.

I decided it was time to find out the real reason for Kew's sudden interest in gay sex. I started asking a few simple questions.

Over the Songkran holiday, Kew had moved out of his regular place, the condo he shares with work friends, back to his mother's place nearby. He wanted a break from his friends, he said.

'When did you put on that shirt?' I asked.

'Just today,' he said.

'So you took clothes with you back to Mum's place?'

'Yes.'

'Your mother's place is empty, right - no fridge, washing machine, nothing?'

'That's right.'

'Do you have a bed?'

'No - not even a mattress,' he said.

At his mother's place, Kew was sleeping on the bare floor, with no blanket, pillow, mattress. I suspect he was getting tired of rough sleep, and wanted a comfortable bed to rest on.

He might also have argued with his friends, and moved out of the other place temporarily until tempers cooled. I knew he didn't really want sex with another man.

I want him in my life for a good while yet - and sex and friendship just do not mix.