Pyramid of doubts

I have stopped going to Mum's shop on workdays, as I want to save money and do a few things for myself occasionally.

Until recently, I used to go every night, where my patience did battle with football bores, heavy smokers, noisy drinkers...

I am by no means perfect. Once upon a time, if I had too much to drink, I would get noisy, too. That gave way to a phase where I would grow quiet as I contemplated...God know's what. The state of my sore head in the morning?

Lately, the regulars at Mum's shop have watched the football every night. It took me a while to discover why they get so animated, and why they will watch almost any game, no matter how obscure the team, or poor its ranking.
Gambling!

Last time I was there, one regular won B6,000. He bets against someone else that such-and-such a team will get a certain score. The one he plays against will bet against a third person, to protect himself in case he loses. It sounds as multi-layered as the myriad of re-insurers and back-up re-insurers at the high end of the insurance industry. How big is the pyramid of bets and hedge-bets for any one game?

Mum's teenage son, one of the few football fans there who doesn't gamble, lists on a whiteboard all the games which patrons can expect to watch each night. They start about midnight, and just keep going, one after the other.

As the game hots up, I see regulars pull out little black books where they keep a record of their winnings, losses, who owes them what, and how much they owe to who...

They also pull out pages from the sports papers which they have tucked away. Some lay bets over the phone. Some simply wager against each other.

Among the regulars are soldiers, and traffic police from a nearby police station. Because gambling is against the law in Thailand, none of this, in fact, takes place. It's all imaginary - as is the unmistakable stench of weed I detected one night last week, when a regular drinker who sits with the traffic police pulled out a joint and lit up in front of them.

Am I missing all this excitement? Not much, as I am just a spectator. I know if I wager money myself, I will lose, because I do not follow football, and it takes a certain kind of mind to make good money from gambling. I am too vague, and not ruthless enough.

On the plus side, I am getting to see more of the boyfriend, on those nights when he is at home. I also get to bed earlier, and sleep better.

I now get up about the same time as my noisy Chinese neighbours, so when they take out their young child to play in the hall outside my condo early in the morning, I am rarely woken by the noise, and nor do I have to miss out on sleep.

I am also getting to see more of life the way most Thais see it, in the daytime. It is good to see the sun.

The negative side? I suspect I am becoming more reserved, as I see my drinking friends less, and now have mainly just the boyfriend to keep me company.

I have also found myself asking that corrosive question which inevitably comes to mind at such lonely moments, when I contemplate the comparatively rich network of social and work ties which I could enjoy in the West if I was still there. The question? It hurts even to write it.

'Just what are you doing here?'