Boy goes out with girl (1)

'He's my boyfriend, but we don't go to bed together,' I said.

I thought I may as well be honest. My Thai friend Tik's questions were extremely direct, so there was no escape.

Tik is a girl from Laos who lives in the same Thai market as me. I met her at a shop where she once worked as a masseuse.

She has quit that job now, and now works as a waitress at an eatery. I bumped into her in the street the other day, weeks since our last meeting. She remembered me straight away, but maybe she saw me coming.

'I am going to the mall, for something to do,' she said. 'Would you like to come?'

I declined, and suggested we swap phone numbers instead, so we could do it another day.

That was a silly move. She gave me a sly look as if I was interested in her romantically. We swapped numbers, and parted ways. Half an hour later, I was swept into the Thai courting ritual. She called on the number I just gave her.

'Have you eaten?'

'What are you doing?'

'When can we go to the mall? she asked in a pleading, sulky voice.

Suddenly, she cared about my welfare. We had only met that day, after weeks apart, during which neither of us would have thought much about the other. But then I asked for her phone number, so what should I expect?

She called me another two or three times that day, then again the next. Finally I agreed to go with her to the mall.

We went in a Suzuki passenger truck with open sides. When we arrived, she paid the B10 fare.

As soon as we were inside the mall, Tik asked where we should eat. I didn't want to eat, as I had only recently had lunch. But I decided I had better play the game. Actually, I suspect I had no choice.

I steered her towards a food court on the ground floor, which is cheaper than the restaurants on the floors above. 'Oh, are we going here?'

Tik looked disappointed.

Ten minutes later, as we were eating, she went straight down to business.

'Who do you sleep with?'

Tik knows that I live with a Thai guy. I told her last time. 'We sleep in separate rooms,' I was careful to add.

I did not utter the word 'gay', of course. With some Thais, it is better to be cautious. Some with old-fashioned ideas may not warm to the idea.

Still, for some Thais, even those with an 'old head,' relationships do not stand or fall on whether a couple has sex. Nor is it about whether they are both men, or fall into the more conventional category of a man making love to a woman.

Instead, they are about money. Who pays for whom? Where does it come from? How much do you make? Does the other one contribute?

Thais who want to know about my boyfriend are always quick to ask whether he is a Thai, or a foreigner. If he is Thai, then they can immediately apply their knowledge of what Thais are like, to test the foundations of our relationship. It is like being probed with a laser beam.

now, see part 2