My butterfly collection

Two foreigner bloggers in Bangkok are puzzling over odd features of the Thai gay scene. Bitch of Bangkok and Kawadjan are perplexed by the obsession among Thai guys about whether a potential mate is a top or bottom.

If a bottom meets another bottom, then in the Thai mind grave doubts arise as to whether the pairing could ever work between the sheets. BB:

'Basically, two bottoms or tops doesn't work in the Thai gay mind and you instantly fall from grace and even get asked if you can provide them with someone more fitting. I think that's both tasteless and silly. Two bottoms and tops can also have great fun and no one deserves to be dropped like a hot potato for releasing their sexual position or role.'

Kawadjan relates a similar experience:

'Too bad you're a top... we could have, you know...' said this flight attendant that I was MSN-ing with a couple of nights ago. We were just starting some friendly chat when he suddenly veered towards that topic. I couldn't believe I'm having that conversation again and so early into the getting to know each other stage. But what did I expect as this constantly crops up, especially among the locals. It's already getting annoying.

'A friend also has this recurrent encounter with boys he chats with on the internet who, upon learning that my friend is a bottom, would say something like, ''Well, we can just be friends''. Meanwhile, I know of someone who has been dating this guy for a couple of months only to be told that the relationship did not have a future because both of them are top. Ugh.'

Then there's the tendency for Thai men to collect a small coterie of partners, none of whom he elevates to the exalted status of boyfriend (or girlfriend - it cuts across both genders) - but any of whom he could take to bed, whenever the desire takes him. In Thai, a guy (or girl) in reserve is known as a kik.

The popular definition of 'kik' is someone who is closer than a friend, but not as close as a boyfriend or girlfriend. More from the Bitch:

'The notion of ''boyfriend'' has really been destroyed in gay Bangkok. I have not met one couple that is steady and where both parts do not cheat. On the contrary, I have slept with quite a few guys that would later tell me (or not) that they already have a boyfriend.

'As a rule of thumb, Thais don't sleep with their friends. That is no problem. However, you will just be elevated onto kik status - and then you are allowed. All in all there is a striking ease with which people can change their status with others. But when people ask me: "Do you have a boyfriend?" I haven't found out if they actually mean having a boyfriend - or just a kik.'

Read the full post here. Kawadjan's post is here.