Seamless farewell

It pays to get to Thai funerals early. You get to meet the family, who are on hand to welcome guests.

One other reason? Thais cremate their dead promptly. The cremation was to take place at 3pm. Within 20 minutes, it was all over.

I went to the funeral of a farang colleague I barely knew. Farang K was Christian, but married to a Thai. He was cremated at a temple in town.

One couple turned up at 3.22pm. The deceased's casket was already in the furnace. I could hear it whirring, though smoke had yet to appear above.

What did they miss?

Thirty minutes before, a couple of men - possibly temple employees - carried the casket around the funeral pyre, set inside a small pavilion. We followed in procession.

The men carrying the casket took it up the steps of the pavilion, then set it down in front of the pyre.

Guests filed towards the casket, wai-ed the deceased, and left a paper flower in front.

As we descended the two or three steps of the pavilion on our way back to ground level, we walked past a large photograph of farang K, the man we had come to see off.

Later, as the casket prepared to enter the pyre, guests again mounted the two or three steps of the pavilion, to face the casket.

We set alight paper flowers and put them in front.

We left the pavilion one by one, then once again re-assembled into a group.

It was a casual affair. As soon as we re-joined the group, we resumed the conversations we had broken off when we entered the pavilion.

Even mounting the stairs to see the casket, guests were still chatting. It was informal, relaxed, and natural.

Two close friends of farang K, whom I had expected to see at the cremation, failed to arrive, possibly because they were stuck in traffic.

I arrived an hour early to the temple, in Ramkamhaeng. I was able to take part in all the ceremonies, including walking in procession around the funeral pyre. I was the only farang guest there at that time. The others were running late, but only by a few moments.

I was also able to meet members of his family.

If I had turned up at 3pm, the most we could have exchanged was greetings and farewells, as the ceremony lasts only moments.

At the cremation, I met farang K's ex-wife, his two adult children - who look much more Thai than farang - and his sister-in-law, who lives in the US but happened to be in Thailand when he died last week.

Farang K's children sprang to their feet when I arrived. They introduced themselves, and offered me water.

His daughter is an air hostess. His son is looking for work as a ski instructor.

I loved hearing them speak Thai, and watching them wai the Thai guests who turned up. I also enjoyed the casual, relaxed way they mixed with farang guests.

They took good care of us. Farang K had taught them the ways of the West. Their Mum had taught them how to be Thai. They switched from Thai mode to farang mode and back again with ease.

I am sure farang K was proud of them. I just wish I could have seen them together as a family when he was alive.

I also met farang K's elder brother, who travelled to Bangkok for the funeral, his first visit to Thailand in more than 20 years. That time, he came for farang K's wedding.

Guests were chatting in small groups as I left. I said goodbye to farang K's former wife, and waved goodbye to the kids.

By 3.30pm, I was heading back to the office in an office car with two Thai guests. My glimpse into the lives of these people, who I will probably never meet again, was over.

Farewell, farang K.

Through your Thai family, and the farang friends who knew you in Thailand, your ties to this exotic land live on.