Rubbing along together

We have moved to our condo, which should be a fun experience, but has actually been stressful for both of us.

We are in new surroundings in the centre of town...close to shops, the tourist district. The condo is also much smarter than our last one. These are all good reasons to be happy.

I have done plenty of exploring, while the boyfriend 'rests' at home. As a Thai, Maiyuu has less need to go tramping the streets to get the feel of his new neighbourhood...Thais know their way around much better than foreigners.

However, he is showing worrying signs of slipping back into the old habits he pursued at our last place.

Maiyuu was unwell with a chest infection when we moved, which didn't help. Since we started living in our new home, he claims he has been too tired to help around home.

A pile of moving boxes sits in the middle of the main room, awaiting his attention. They are mainly his belongings...I am not allowed to empty them and find a place for the contents myself.

The move has been harder on Maiyuu than it has on me. He did most of the packing, and on top of that also took on responsibility for arranging a new telephone line, and getting internet and satellite television connected.

Still, his initial response has been disappointing. Since we found a space for most of our household belongings, he has done little but sleep in front of the television.

We have yet to move out of our old condo properly. Maiyuu wanted to sell half a dozen items of furniture rather than take them with us, so left them there. They include a double bed, stereo and TV cabinet, and double wardrobe.

The rent on the old place runs out at the end of this month, but Maiyuu has shown little interest in going back to finish cleaning the rooms or prepare the furniture for sale.

After I nagged him last night, he finally took a bus back to the condo, and spent a couple of hours cleaning it.

Maiyuu is a perfectionist who works at an achingly slow pace, so many hours of work still lie ahead. Yet what would happen if the condo office were to ask for the room back?

We would have to pay another month's rent, as we have nowhere else to move the furniture.

Maiyuu claims he has spoken to the condo manager, who is happy to let him keep the furniture there for as long as it takes to sell it. I don't believe it.

'Farang would make sure we were out by the end of the month, or we would have to agree to pay more rent,' I said.

'Thais do not work like that...I have talked to them, and they understand,' he claimed.

I admit that as a westerner, I view the world with different eyes. If I see a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, I want to wash them. If I am too busy, I expect my partner to do them instead.

The idea is that we share the burden of running the household, and do so promptly and without complaint. It is not to test each other's patience by waiting until we are living in a virtual slum before we lift a finger to help.

On Sunday afternoon, when the moving men arrived, Maiyuu was still cleaning out the fridge.

I warned him days before the move that he would have to pull finger if we wanted everything cleaned and packed in time, but he preferred to watch television, until it was almost too late. On the day of the move, he did not eat, or wash: he was too busy making up for lost time.

Maiyuu says the more I nag him about outstanding household chores, the less he is inclined to do them.

'I am not some servant,' he says.

That small misunderstanding over the fridge has repeated itself in different guises many times since. In most cases, we argue, forgive, then move on. However, it is testing our tolerance of each other to the limit.

Maiyuu has now agreed to do so many things around the home that I really need to start a list, and get him to tick them off once the jobs are done.

I would add jobs which I have agreed to do too, and tick them off as I finish them. My jobs would get done sooner, because as a farang I like to make progress.

Many Thais seem happier to sit around. Either that, or they know what tasks they have to perform, as they do the same tasks every day.

We have just moved into a new condo, so we are still settling in. Once we have the division of labour sorted out, hopefully we can get on with life, without worrying whether our partner will do his share of the work to keep the household running.

'Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today - because tomorrow, new problems may crop up,' I tell him.

'That's the way farang think - I'm not farang, but Thai,' he responds.