Chinese New Year dilemma: Give, or not to give?

‘We’re going to pay respects to our ancestral spirits for Chinese New Year...would you like to come?’ Ball’s Mum asked.

It sounded appealing. We would take a short ride by taxi to Onnut in Bangkok.

Ball's family and I would stay at the home of a relative on Mum's side.

Today, someone ‘lays out a spread’, to borrow the revolting English. Incense sticks are lit. Family members gather round, think of the dead. Eat, maybe drink. That’s it.

Mum handed over the phone to her partner, Lort.

‘Can you get a job for Ball at your company?’ Lort asked, getting straight to the point.

Lort has suggested I find work for Ball as a driver. But for that, he would need a licence, which in Ball's case has expired.

‘If he wants a job, he can look for one himself,’ I said.

‘Is Ball there?’ I asked abruptly. I have no time for parasitical Lort.

Ball, said Lort, had just returned from carer R’s ya dong stand. Lort handed over the phone to Ball, and we spoke briefly.

The family was tucking down for a meal. I didn’t want to disturb them, so asked to speak to his mother again – one of the few sensible heads in that household who can talk normally to me without wanting anything.

‘It would be quite safe, if you want to come. No one will annoy you. It’s a nice place, and you’ll be back in time for work the next day,’ she said.

‘If I decide to come, I will give you a call,’ I said.

In just a few hours, they would be heading off. Yet I was still at work. By the time I arrived home, the hour would be late, I would be hot, tired, and in need of rest.

Ball himself didn’t invite me to their Chinese New Year function, I noted.

If I am not in my own bed, I find it hard to sleep. And sleeping next to Ball all night, I would find it even harder to rest my mind.

Adventures away from our home patch can wait for another day.

In the meantime, I am confronted with another dilemma.

Tomorrow is Chinese New Year, when friends, relatives and lovers give each other cash gifts in red envelopes known as ang bao (or thae eiya). They don't need to be Chinese or have Chinese blood; some Thais just give and ask for gifts anyway.

Boyfriend Maiyuu asked for his a day early. I handed over B500 in a red Chinese New Year envelope this morning.

He promptly went out to buy food, including a lavish B200 helping of pork off the bone.

Should I also give Mr Ball a Chinese New Year’s present of B500 in a red envelope?

I might have to ask his Mum if family members are accustomed to getting such things. If not, his younger brother or elder sister might feel put out.

Or maybe I should just ask carer R whether I should give Mr Ball such a gift.

As it happens, R owes me B500, which he borrowed the other day to buy new supplies for his ya dong stand.

Should I give, or keep?

Giving feels great...but so does spending money on myself and my boyfriend.

We've earned it, but I am not sure anyone else has.