 |
| Red shirt protester smashes up a 7-11 in Silom (file pic) |
Maiyuu passed scenes of looting while cycling to Silom this morning.
Thugs had looted one 7-11 store he passed. The window was smashed, and the stock inside had been cleared away, possibly by the staff removing it for safekeeping rather than the people who did the offending.
The glass doors of a a bank were smashed. He also passed a bank of blackened ATM machines, which protesters had firebombed.
Youth on motorcycles buzzed about, but otherwise the streets were quiet.
Maiyuu took a side road to avoid a large group of soldiers, bought his food supplies in Silom, and hurried back. With parts of the city in an apparent state of lawlessness, why chance fate?
-
Here is a selection of remarks from the lively comments section of this blog’s most recent post, about Mr Ball and his family in the slums.
Anon:
What if an 80yr old gay man took a liking to you and you had no interest in him sexually but he seemed to benefit you in different ways?
YOU WOULDNT LIKE IT.
Me (reply):
I must admit I have doubts about whether the relationship between Ball's family and myself is really 'natural'. Ball can still be awkward around me. He probably feels sorry for me.
However, he also understands why I might feel a need to care for someone in a family setting. 'You are far from home, and lonely,' he said once.
Part of me hopes for some development which changes everything, and which might lead to a parting of the ways which is just as 'natural'. It hasn't happened yet.
However, for the most part I just try to fit in. If I go out with them for the day, I help look after the little ones, just as the older ones such as Ball and his girlfriend Jay do.
At times, Jay dislikes my being around, which compounds my feelings of being an odd hanger-on.
Yet in that regard I probably feel the same way as many other farang who become part of a Thai family.
Anon:
You've written that anyone can walk into mum's house and sit down - just like you do. Are you sure that makes you one of the family?
Me (reply):
No, I'm not. Sometimes Mum looks startled when I hand her some money and suggest she buys this or that for the kids. 'Where did he get that idea?' she appears to be thinking.
Handing over money doesn't make me part of the family, as I can show interest in the welfare of its members anyway...by sharing in fun family moments, helping take care of the toddlers, and listening to Mum unload.
I still have to contribute something, of course, as even a visit to the department store can be expensive. Why should they pay for me?
If I didn't contribute, I'd become just another hanger-on - and Mum has enough relatives who has stuffed up their lives and rely on her for financial support as it is.
I have no claim to be a hanger-on, as I am not related...so I have to help with money occasionally. The question is, how much?
Assume Mum knows that I love her son. She is happy to accept my support as an expression of the way I feel.
I have my own reasons for being here...loneliness, perhaps. Who cares? Thais would tend to regard it as my business. No one asks why I am there, even though I am sitting in their own home.
But I don't think we should assume that the more money I give, the more eager they are to embrace my presence.
It's possible that a bare minimum would do; and that I have gained the right to be there because they enjoy a foreigner's presence, or because Thais are hospitable and generous people.
But where my financial contributions are concerned, if I knew what the bare minimum was, I'd embrace it eagerly myself!
Fran:
Do you really believe that by encouraging Ball's daily drinking, his laziness, his unwillingness to work, his long sleeping hours, his useless and purposeless life you are helping him to fulfil "his duty in life [which will] be complete when he is able to look after his mother, and his future wife and children"?
If you believe he can do it with his present life style, then it would be helpful to check your thinking process in an effort to make it logical and reasonable. Believe my good intentions.
Me:
Mr Ball is younger than many 19-year-olds, I suspect...and that is probably a product of the sad environment in which he lives.
I knew a young Thai once, only one year older than Ball, and lucky enough to come from a middle-class home.
By the time I met him, he had been on several trips to Australia, even to Europe, travelling alone.
When he felt like a break without going overseas, he would catch a bus to Hua Hin and stay in a fancy hotel by the beach for the weekend.
Compare his fortune with my friends from the slums. Mr Ball, a keen fan of English football, spent the day yesterday in a gaudy football shirt and shorts; he was intending to go out to play with his friends, but in the end stayed put.
That was the closest he was able to entertain dreams of life beyond the slums. His Mum abandoned Ball and the rest of his family at home while she played HiLo with friends nearby.
In the early evening, his elder sister went out to buy food in the market. Apart from one other simple meal which I bought for them earlier in the day - enough to feed two people, perhaps - no food appeared at their place all day.
In mid-afternoon, when I met Ball, he had eaten Mama instant noodles - the only thing which he could find to eat.
When I dropped in again at midnight, he was still awake, looking after toddler Feh, who refused to sleep.
His mother still wasn't back. In her absence, he and his girlfriend took turns waking to take care of the baby.
Is that a fair way to treat two young people still in their teens? I don't think so.
I didn't ask about the others...it's too depressing, and worrying about Ball alone is enough.
11 comments:
ReplyDeleteAlvin-JKT15 May 2010 at 23:12
I have a similar relationship with you. The kid I know is 24y/o and I'm 13 years older. But unlike Ball, this kid has vision, passion, sense of responsibility, ambition, and honesty. He just lacks direction and no one provides him with advice coz his old man abandoned him since kid.
Maybe like you, I try to be part of his life. But I have bad news and good news for myself. The bad news is he's not gay. The good news is I have no false hope about this relationship with him. I think he suspected that I'm gay but he doesn't stay away from me. I think he likes my advice about business and life as I always voluntarily give him advice. He's not from the slum but I wouldn't consider him as rich.
He never ask for money, but he does expect me to open a business and make him an apprentice.
I'm now preparing to open a cafe (I always want to), and hire him as a marketer/PR (he's young, good looking, smart, and outgoing). The problem with my plan is, I still can't find a good cook. I kinda envy you having a friend like Maiyuu. (Dreaming)...I have the money + this kid has the brain + Maiyuu has the skill = good cafe. Why don't you try opening a 'rahn aharn' with Maiyuu. Good money, and healthy relationship. Who knows you can hire Ball as a waiter.
Oh sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name's Alvin from Jakarta and used to live in BKK for 6 years.
ReplyDelete
Bkkdreamer16 May 2010 at 07:30
Alvin:
You wrote: 'But unlike Ball, this kid has vision, passion, sense of responsibility, ambition, and honesty.'
That doesn't leave much going for poor Mr Ball, does it?
I couldn't imagine working with my boyfriend in any capacity. It would drive us both mad.
ReplyDelete
Yraen16 May 2010 at 07:54
BD, you wrote, " Mr Ball is younger than many 19-year-olds, I suspect...and that is probably a product of the sad environment in which he lives."
Can I suggest this is not Ball's environment. I have noticed this same "childishness" in my bf and his friends (most of whom are 15 years Ball's senior).
Actually, I don't think it is "childishness" - it is youthful enthusiasm, a pleasure in simple joys, the very same lifestyle I had in my teens and 20s. A gentle innocence that westerners seem to have lost in the intervening decades.
Westerners have been living in an induced 'threat environment' for so long now that we no longer seem to have the capacity to enjoy those same simple pleasures... like playing a trick on someone, or watching the ferries pull out at Saphan Taksin, or watching the volleyballers in Lumpini Park and the muscle-men working out in the parks.
We are so damned busy being busy that the best part of life passes us by. The Thai don't hustle and bustle so much and still have time for the free wonders of life.
More strength to Ball and his family ... in many ways, they are probably richer than you or I even though they lack physical wealth.
ReplyDelete
Bkkdreamer16 May 2010 at 08:16
ReplyDeleteYraen:
I would like to know what would happen if Ball enjoyed more financial independence.
At the moment, he is expected to hand over almost all his pay to his mother every pay day, which she allocates in the succeeding weeks as she sees fit.
I am sure he would spent it unwisely at first, but would settle down over time when he realised that it was running out.
It could help him mature a little faster, than having to forever remain financially dependent on his Mum.
ReplyDelete
Anonymous16 May 2010 at 10:48
My university professor said to the class in 1961, "you can't help what you are born into but
you do not have to stay in it." Personally, I
know very well that this was true for me. Hope
Ball will somehow come to understand that education and good work ethics are the keys.
ReplyDelete
Bkkdreamer16 May 2010 at 17:55
I am sure he will, in time. He is fortunate to have many people who love him, including me.
Last night when I dropped in about midnight, he was lying on the couch, a wet handtowel over his head, as his girlfriend took the shells off small mussels and popped them into his mouth.
He can be such a happy young man, when he tries.
With everyone pulling together to help Mr Ball, I am sure we will get there in the end.
ReplyDelete
Alvin16 May 2010 at 18:43
Sorry about the honesty thing... Ball has it. He's good kid actually, and his sense of responsibility will grow as he grows up. And it's a good thing he doesn't join the street protesters. Oh... and since he's good looking why not try modeling?
ReplyDelete
Anonymous16 May 2010 at 23:19
Shouldn't BF Maiyuu keep away from Silom? Surely its too dangerous to go anywhere near there? All it needs is one idiot on either side to throw something/shoot at a lone cyclist going about his business. I know he probably thinks he knows what he is doing but staying away means nothing bad will happen. I know some of the bars are still operating in Soi 4 but even so, I'd think twice about going anywhere near them. - Ian
ReplyDelete
Bkkdreamer17 May 2010 at 03:19
ReplyDeleteAlvin:
He is indeed a good kid...painfully honest, which will probably work against him in this world.
He also speaks bluntly, which I like, but many Thais will not.
But he will get there in the end...I know he will.
Ian: I do not know what route he takes. He went to Wat Kaek, the temple popular with Indians, which serves a terrific chicken curry.
ReplyDelete
Yraen17 May 2010 at 07:18
BD, my 32yo bf (and his mates when I have any influence on them) needed to be brought up short when it came to financial responsibility.
There are so many people who have grown up on not having enough to eat, that there is little or no thought for anything beyond today and tomorrow.
What they get today they consume today, because tomorrow there may be nothing to consume - food or funds. It is hard to break this hand-to-mouth habit, so I actually applaud his Mum for keeping a hand on the reins. :)
My bf gets an allowance and diarises his expenditures. These days, I do not ask how he spends his allowance. But every month or so he sends me his Excel spreadsheet detailing the expenses.
At first, it was a struggle to get him to do this. After the first year, it became habit and he has learned some financial management skills. Some of his expenses seem to me to be frivolous, but I do not challenge them.
Expenses outside his allowance we discuss before he commits to them. This is part of being one half of a partnership. (Allowing for the Thai concept of kwamrabpidchob between two people.)
I suspect you are expecting Ball to have the same level of experience/understanding/maturity etc that you would of a western lad. It takes time to inculcate that and I am still working on it after 4 years. I suggest to you that you are making a very big rod for your own back :) if you expect to inculcate that in Ball at 19yo.
I agree. From what you have said through the months, Ball has good instincts and his Mum has given him good ethics. So I wish you all the best in trying to help Ball and his family.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteBkkdreamer17 May 2010 at 18:39
Yraen: I don't expect the same level of maturity in Ball; in fact, I know he doesn't have it. Nor do I expect the same level of financial responsibility.
He is nowhere near ready to take responsibility for his own fiannces. I would simply like to know what would happen if he were given the chance to make a few of his own decisions, perhaps with supervision.
Ball gets sick of being kept on a leash. Outside home, he sees few friends, other than those he meets when he plays football. He misses his old friend carer R terribly.
At home, his girlfriend watches over him constantly.
When he drinks with me or frends his own age, she is sitting around, hovering, waiting for him to go to bed.
His mother is more flexible, but even with Mum there are limits.
Being watched, judged, and criticised constantly is stressful.
I don't want anyone to impose any more controls or curbs on Ball's behaviour, as he is under enough stress at it is.
How to break this cycle? Encourage both kids to get out and about more, for a start.
Jay sees few friends of her own outside home, as she doesn't have the money. Ball can do little outside home for the same reason.
They are about to start new jobs. That will give them more time away from each other, and more time away from home too, which is great.
I would like to see them keep a share of their earnings as spending money for themselves...I don't see why Mum should have claim over all of it, even if it would be in safer hands.
Ball and Jay can afford to make a few mistakes; it's what being young is all about.
I have offered to pay for them both if they want to go to the cinema together, or play a game of badminton. Nothing came of those suggestions.
At home, there are distractions: the brown stuff, which has the effect of robbing Ball of energy and incentive; child-rearing responsibilities, which can take up hours in a day; performing errands for Mum. It is easier just to stay at home.
This brings me back to the first point I made, about Ball's maturity.
Ball is not as strong as any youngsters his age. He lost his Dad a few years ago, and has yet to recover. He is painfully honest, and sensitive.
His girlfriend likes to get the better of him. While he is proud to have his own partner, he finds it difficult to win many battles.
That's where I come in, as his elder brother, or even a father-like figure. I have locked horns with Jay a few times as I stand up for Ball's right to be himself.
While I am always forced to apologise in the end (she is his girlfriend, after all), I hope I am getting through to her the message that we can all care for Ball, but can go about it in different ways.
I protect him from her wily female ways, and criticise her if I think she is being unfair, uncommunicative, or just plain moody.
Mum seldom confronts people openly, and Ball, despite being older than Jay, tends to submit to her demands (at least when he is sober).
I tend to take Mum's side against Jay, which makes life difficult for her. But as I say, we all care about Ball, and I don't see why her way should have to be the only way it's done.
ReplyDelete