Kor Beur Noi (Can I have your number)?

‘The farang over there...he wants your number,’ Miss F told a handsome Thai, gesturing at me.

We were sitting in a city eatery. The young man was the best looking male dancer in the joint.

My friend Miss F knew I liked the young man, so took it upon herself to ask if he was available.

I am sure Miss F meant well, but I would really rather she had not asked the lad for his number, as he must get such tacky requests from patrons all the time.

Perhaps Miss F wants me to find a new boyfriend.

I pretended that I didn’t hear, and when the young man turned in my direction, I looked away.

Miss F, her boyfriend farang C, and I were dining at a food barn in Rama 3.

They call them suan raan ahan, which is 'garden eatery', if you like, but they are really just ugly barns with an outdoors section.

They serve mediocre food, beer on tap, and have a stage inside where bands play tinny Esan music.

Miss F used to work at one of these places, and took us there for a meal.

She is still friendly with the girls who serve there. I listened in to one conversation.

‘Is he available?’ the woman asked Miss F about me.

‘He likes men,’ she replied simply.

We visited two places. At the first, we had a meal; the second was for watching a band.

The second place, nearby on Rama 3, was almost empty, so we didn't stay long.

Half a dozen guys who normally serve tables were idle, and sat next to us to watch the band.

Miss F, seized by a moment of silliness, or perhaps acting under farang C's instructions, approached one guy and asked for his phone number on my behalf.

I had mentioned casually which one I liked among them...she chose the wrong one, but it didn't matter, as I could tell all of them were straight.

I shrank into my chair.

The guy didn't look upset that she asked, but I heard him say he didn't like the look of me...or perhaps just didn't like guys, it was hard to tell.

I had already examined his features and body shape carefully...handsome, but too short, hard looking in the face, and most importantly, a woman lover.

I felt dirty and silly after that little episode, and made haste to leave. I didn't ask her to go begging for his number, and even if he had given it, what then?

I am not interested in hiking across town to see some kid I don't even know.

One guy danced for us on stage as part of a half-hearted chorus line.

He was the best looking guy in the whole place, and knew it - tall, lanky, pale-skinned.

The lad wore low-rise jeans, white underwear poking over the top, tight white T-shirt...same old, same old.

His dress was predictable, his dance steps clumsy, but I felt hot just watching him.

I told farang C that I liked him the best.

'I knew it!' he replied.

Farang C teased me for ogling only the best looking guy in the joint, but I replied: ‘Why not?’

It's not as if I stand a chance of bagging someone so young and handsome, unless I was prepared to 'off'' him, and he was prepared to go with me.

Farang C appeared to be saying that I should set my sights lower, but why?

I am not in a position to get to know anyone as a potential boyfriend replacement, or even kik (love interest on the side). 

I don't have the time, money, or energy, even if the status quo - life at home with Maiyuu - leaves me feeling flat at times.

Farang C wants me to change boyfriends, as he believes I am unhappy.

My best chance of snagging a boyfriend, he believes, is to go for one of the less stunning ones.

If I was in the market for boyfriends, I would probably set my sights lower, just as he advises.

However, I don't want to dump Mr Maiyuu, so could see young men only for a night's fun at some awful short-stay hotel.

That won't happen either, as I lack the courage. Nor do I want to expose any Thais I meet to such horrors.

So I end up ogling the best looking guy in the place - why not? - as I know it won't lead anywhere.

Fantasising is free. And in 20 years, he'll be as ugly as I am.