Sunday 4 January 2009
Stick to the gay track
Boyfriend Maiyuu has solved his pastry problem.
He is making puff pastry. The book of recipes he is using, which he bought the other day at the shopping mall, urged him to roll the stuff into sheets using a rolling pin, but it didn't work.
Earlier, he had mixed in flour with salted butter chopped into small squares, also without success. The problem, as I understand it, is that the butter would not blend in with the flour.
Last night, after three failed attempts and much cursing, he decided to knead it with his hands, which achieved much better results. The butter blended in with the flour. This morning he will bake it in the oven.
He attributes the problem to a misprint in the recipe.
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New Year is a mad time. Strange things happen to people's habits, and moods.
Yesterday I asked Maiyuu for a share of the money I earn from the extra work I am doing at the office. I am earning an extra B12,000 a month. I don't know how long that it will last, but it is good to have.
The other day, I asked him for B1000 a month from the total. He said I would have to wait until next month, as in his view I had already spent enough this month.
Unhappy with that answer, last night I proposed upping that to B3000, which after all is only one quarter. My suggestion set off a blizzard of nasty text messages.
Maiyuu was absent, having the spent the night before, all yesterday, away from home. He refused to answer my calls, which left only SMS exchanges.
'Why don't I just give you back the ATM card? Or would you like me to move out, too? That way you could spend all the money on boys, and have the place to yourself as well.'
That was the nastiest of his messages. When I arrived home from work, Maiyuu was sitting on the floor, belting a large mound of dough with a rolling pin. He probably imagines it was me.
He was still in a sulky mood. 'I am not supporting anyone...I just don't want to go back to running short before pay day every two weeks, as I was before,' I said.
'You have already told me that you want to keep the Google cheque from your blog advertising. Just how much do you need?' he asked.
Previously, I gave Maiyuu money from that source whenever he asked for it, to supplement the money I earn from work, most of which Maiyuu spends on our needs himself, as he keeps my ATM card.
He transfers to me a share of my salary every pay day, but it does not last.
For the next couple of months, I will need to save my Google Adsense money, as I am going overseas. Maiyuu has declined to give me the money from my salary, so I have no choice.
'If B3000 is too much, I will settle for B2000,' I said.
I do not mind if Maiyuu keeps my ATM card, or has control over how most of our money is spent. But I will not force myself to scrape and scrimp in misery when we have no need to do so.
Maiyuu reckons he spends my money more wisely. He has a point there, even if he rarely tells me how he spends it, or what we have left in the account.
I do not throw money at gay guys, as I don't go to nightclubs. I do give small amounts of money to some of the kids who live in the market, because they have little.
That's forgivable, and Maiyuu knows I help them.
Occasionally, I am tempted to support people in more substantial ways, which I suspect is less sensible.
I know a young man in the market whose mother works long hours selling goods away from home, but who has no home phone to call her.
He is close to his mother, and misses her when she is at work. He has an elder brother, but he is often away. Their father is dead.
My young friend owned a second-hand cellphone, but it broke.
I asked him how much a second-hand replacement phone would cost. 'A bit more than 1000 baht,' he said.
In a silly moment the other day, I thought how good it would be to buy him another second-hand phone, or at least give the money to his mother. She could buy it for him, without saying that I helped her.
But then I thought: 'Why him?'
He has an elder brother, who might get jealous, or insist he keep the phone to himself.
My young friend does not like being seen in public with me, as I am older foreign male. His brother or friends could tease him for being gay.
I know other deserving cases around here. I look for people on whom to shower love, because my boyfriend is so unresponsive to me, or seems distracted with other things.
A few possible solutions:
1. Bury myself in work or reading books, and try to forget about my emotional needs.
2. Mix more with gays, and less with straight youngsters who are good at asking me for money. On that note, start visiting gay nightspots, though ideally I would go with a friend rather than alone, which looks sad and desperate.
3. Forget about mixing with families in the market. I am the only westerner living in these parts, and tend to stand out.
Postscript: Thanks to Neil for the advice about pastry which cracks. I shall pass it on.
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You two are like an old married couple, cooking replaced sex. Do what makes you happy, but remember you are a couple... weight it all out.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to the money you make, and Maiyuu.. dude, you need to grow a pair.. and get control over your life.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I tend to agree with Anonymous.. Get that damn ATM card back.. and give him an allowance from your earnings.. or find out where it is spent.. and work out the accounts together. Your a couple, so do things together. If you can not be bothered doing that, than don't complain.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds very sad for both of you. How can you bear it, giving money away and not even getting affection in return. Can you ask yourself honestly what it is that you want for yourself, then act on it? Can you get through to Maiyuu and communicate honestly, find out what he wants?
ReplyDeleteFor the immediate future, you should take back your card and save for your trip. I agree with Was Once, that great heart is valuable.
Was Once: Well, he refuses to go anywhere with me unless necessary, so that means we can't do anything socially together.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't bring his gay friends home any more, nor introduce me to them anywhere else, and hasn't done so for years.
He not welcome me bringing my own friends back here.
All of that means that I have to entertain myself. I try to keep busy, meeting people in the market, doing volunteer teaching work or whatever, but that does not always work.
Maiyuu and I ultimately have more in common with each other than I do with anyone else around here. We have to find the solution in ourselves, and most of the time, we rub along together well enough.
Anon: He lost his parents when he is young, and is not good at giving affection. I don't want the card: for the most part, he is better at spending money than me, so I save money in the end.
The more money I have at my disposal, the more independence I enjoy. Maiyuu is worried that I will find someone to replace him as my boyfriend.
I suspect he knows he is getting increasingly neurotic as he gets older - but then, I am not perfect either.
'I suspect I know you better than anyone else, and can care for you better than anyone else, too,' he told me the other night, while we were still on chatty terms.
He might just be right.
I am sorry, but it seems you are getting the wrong end of the stick with your bf...you feed him, lodge him, he gives you an allowance out of your salary and... you should be grateful???
ReplyDeleteAs a long term resident in Thailand I have seen a lot of farang loosing their bearings here.some on their first week...some along the years.
You seem to be a genuine guy with a "good heart", as thais say.
There are always people in Thailand that will welcome a guy like you as part of their friend/family circle...seems both you and your boyfriend have become oblivious about it...
That Thai family circle might expect the same arrangement - that I pay, and they put their hand out.
ReplyDeleteNot all do that, of course...in fact, some poor Thais I know would never dream of asking.
But some families seem good at asking, as relatives get to hear about it when a foreigner turns up.
As a foreigner, I might be interested in a Thai girl. I go to stay in her village. Soon, her brothers are asked by their friends for money, or maybe farmers in the vilage ask Dad for a loan...
You are one of those strangely persistent foreigners who constantly find obvious things to complain about their absent, vampiric, uninterested 'boyfriends'- and then when you are told the obvious solutions, you turn around and start defending your non-relationship in apparent contradiction to satisfaction of your own needs. Apparently, the drama is worth more to you than a real relationship. I suggest that your previous message in which you appear to be considering joining a slum family in compensation for the loss of the very slim company your 'boyfriend' provides does not only make you appear sad and desperate, it means you really are sad and desperate, and furthermore you are stuck in this defensive cycle in which you argue yourself (and anyone else who suggests it) out of positive change. You need a good professional counsellor more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteI agree, you seem to want to be a victim.. more than you want help. Unless you're willing to change it, the way your relationship with Maiyuu has evolved guarantees that you'll continue to be sad and lonely.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever thought of saving up enough money to start a pastry business (no prob, it can work from home) for Maiyuu? He can start a cake blog, distribute flyers around the neighborhood, invite friends for food sampling and yada yada.
ReplyDeleteThis may keep him occupied and if it generates money, he might probably be feeling more 'useful' being around, i.e. if I am allowed to put it this way.
As for his autocratic behavior, it's just his ways of loving you.
Not being there it is hard for all of us to judge other than reading what you tell us.
ReplyDeleteI have often wondered exactly how or why you consider him to be your "boyfriend". You get little to no affection or even communication from him. You work hard to support the both of you, yet you willingly hand over all control of your salary to him. You believe he spends it more wisely than you would but it sounds like you have no way of really knowing whether that is true. You write often about his emotional distance and how that makes you feel. He decides he needs time to himself and leaves you for a few days at a time with no discussion.
Yet, as one of my friends always says, you must be getting something out of it or you would change it.
I can understand that he has had a hard life. Millions of people in Thailand come from similar circumstances. I can also understand that you have invested a lot of time and emotional energy into this "relationship". But unless there are also a lot of great things that you do not tell us it is hard to see that you even really have much of a relationship at all. He's basically just your roommate whom you have given control over your pursestrings.
Maybe there is a history here that we don't know about. But why do you call him your boyfriend at this point?
You might really benefit from counseling. But I don't know how easy it is to find a good counselor in Thailand. And of course you'd have to get the money to pay him/her from somewhere.
Isn't this your relationship routine, you two tend to have big blowouts during the winter months. I'm surprise you didn't argue during Christmas. Since I have been reading your blog, you tend to have blowouts with Maiyuu during these two months. Didn't you guys argue over money last Christmas and the previous Christmas? I swear I read your blog way too much. It's like your cycle. You complain and he bitches, then you make up.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I agree with everyone, get your ATM card back. It's your money. I don't let anyone touch my ATM card and you shouldn't either.I don't care if he is more financially responsible with your money, it's still your money.
I've said this before, I want you to be happy. Be a little selfish, be a little daring, be happy.I know easier said then done.
Also, stop hanging out with those straight young boys who keep asking you for money and totally neglecting your emotional need for a friend. Obviously they're not your friend. My friends don't ask me for money and if they do, they pay me back.