My new friend Takraw Ball is straight, as far as I can tell. He lives with his Lao girlfriend, and had a string of girlfriends before she came along.
He has a fine, sensitive face, long neck, lithe frame, and beautiful smile, which makes him appealing to women.
Yet when he goes out socialising, he is usually in the company of an older gay man, his takraw teammate Sorn.
I have taken a drink with Ball and Sorn three or four times. Whenever I arrange to meet Ball, Sorn always comes along.
Both gave me their contact numbers, but I don’t bother calling Sorn, as I find him irritating. If we meet alone, as we have done once, he babbles in some strange parlance, and can’t keep his hands to himself.
I call Ball, because he is handsome and a good talker, and I am sure that’s the way it usually goes. Sorn is the drab-looking sidekick to handsome Ball.
Sorn's friends are gays like himself, and young men in the area whose looks he admires, or who he is recruiting.
Ball, not Sorn, is the one who pulls the admiring looks from women and gay men alike.
Is Ball using Sorn as a shield from unwanted advances? They have known each other for years, and are constantly together.
Ball knows I have someone at home, but appears to think I live with a woman. I have yet to tell him the details.
Sorn suspects otherwise. When two teens turned up at our drinking table the other night, Sorn introduced me as a ‘woman’ (gay, in other words).
Ball, who was sitting next to him, heard his introduction, but we carried on talking as if nothing happened.
Ball’s relationship problems with his Lao girlfriend, Nan, dominate our conversations, as Ball is having trouble with her.
Tired of his nightly carousing, Nan has left him to live with her elder sister. She tore up photographs of herself and Ball before she left, and threw the pieces on the floor.
‘Nan is 22, and still behaves like a child,’ said Ball.
However, her abrupt parting hurt him. ‘When I went home and saw her clothes gone and the pictures torn up, I had to fight back tears,’ he said.
Nan left Ball yesterday, after he stayed out too late the night before. I was drinking with him and Sorn that night, though we didn’t finish late...1.30am perhaps.
‘She refused to talk to me when I returned home. I wasn’t able to sleep that night, and still haven’t slept,’ Ball told me, when I asked him why his eyes looked so red.
As we talk earnestly about Ball’s problems, irritating Sorn makes faces, sings, and plays the fool, as if he has heard it all before.
I wonder how many gay men have fallen for Mr Ball, have sat through lengthy drinking sessions as he frets about his girlfriend, busily offering advice on his straight relationship, as they fall in love with his soft voice, his handsome looks...
It’s all for nothing in the end, as Ball has his own life, as does Mr Sorn.
They play takraw together, live close to one another, and work next to each other, though for different companies. ‘We can’t help but meet every day,’ said Sorn, when I asked why I always saw them together.
They carry on as if oblivious to each other’s sexual identity. They are mates, so whether one is gay and the other straight is almost beside the point.
It’s a curious relationship, but one which I am starting to enjoy. If I call one, I know now that will always get the other accompanying him as well.
They are a twosome, joined at the hip in a relationship sense. They even get around on the same motorcycle together.
Yet does it have to be like this? Do they not ever venture outdoors alone?
2 comments:
ReplyDeleteAnonymous25 April 2011 at 08:50
"Sexual identity" is overrated, I think. I've never understood people who make being gay their lifestyle or way of life. It's part of my personality, of course, but not such a dominant part. I guess gossiping about other people's sexual identity also isn't that interesting if those others could gossip about because of the fact that they are gay are basically just normal people. Many of my (gay) Thai friends have straight Thai friends and they hardly ever talk about being gay or straight. They just play sports and drink together, much like you described Ball and Sorn.
Also, when I tell a Thai person that I'm gay (in case they ask me about my wife, for example), they usually just take note of it, but it typically doesn't change their attitude towards me at all. That's quite different in Europe, where there's usually some kind of a reaction (be it a positive or a negative one).
So in summary, I'd say Thais care much less about "sexual identity" as such . Maybe they are even oblivious to it, as you suggest, and they'll judge you by your behavior. If it's outrageous, you don't have to be gay to cause an outrage, but being gay alone isn't considered that special.
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Bkkdreamer25 April 2011 at 19:06
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree, the sexual identity thing can be overdone, especially as no one can really tell why we turn out the way we do. But in the case of this couple, I can't help but feel that there's some reason the two are together all the time.
If I was Nan, the girlfriend, I would be happy that Ball has chosen as his best friend a gay man. Nan is the jealous, possessive type, and is forever asking Ball if he is seeing other women.
I'd say he's likely to end up in much less trouble in the company of a gay guy than if he were to kick around permanently with a bunch of straight guys.
I wonder if Ball has a gay history. He says a kathoey called his number out of the blue one day, asking to speak to a 'Ball', but says it was purely a coincidence. She called the wrong number, and her man of the moment happened to share the same name as him. Nan was present for the call, however, and has never let him forget what happened.
Ball is open and sensitive about his feelings, which exposes him to potential mischief. How many gays guys would like to help him with his problems, given half a chance? Ball is so good looking that I am surprised he doesn't have a small retinue of gay helpers, following him about.
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