Gay temple offer spurned

Thai gay activists are unhappy after a senior monk complained about the number of gays and kathoey entering the monkhood. He suggested Buddhism may need to set up separate temples for them.

Natee Teerarojjanapong says it is wrong to want to isolate gays and ladyboys, just because they are different. Society is a healthier, more lively place because its diversity, which can hardly flourish if people are kept apart.

Phra Payom Kalayano, abbot of Wat Suan Kaew in Nonthaburi, called for 'gay' temples in an interview with Bangkok Today newspaper, written up in this earlier post, here.

Phra Payom, known for his sense of humour, said increasing numbers of gay males are following in the footsteps of straight men, entering the monkhood when they turn 20, to thank their parents for their hard work in raising them.

Once, few gays entered the monkhood. Today, the abbot says, 5-10% of monks are gay.

They are particularly common in the northern region, while in the North-East, he notices many monks are trying to be gay, but have yet to perfect the art.

He says if the thought of a temple dedicated to gay monks sounds strange, even odder is the fact that so many young men who are gay would want to enter the monkhood.

Senior monks do screen young men who apply to join. However, they cannot be too strict about eliminating gays, as many temples are short of monks. No one wants to see temples end up deserted.

'The parents of gay men who apply to join the monkhood, funnily enough, are also often generous benefactors of temples...if we were to turn away their offspring, there would be trouble.'

The Buddhist canon forbids from entering the monkhood men who have changed their sex, who are obvious lady-boys, or men who have castrated themselves.

Activist Natee says if gays and kathoey make up 5-10% of the population at large, then it should be no surprise if that share is reflected in the number joining the monkhood as well.

President of Gay Politics, Natee said gays held Phra Payom in high respect. However, on this occasion they would have to disagree.

If some individual monks failed to stick by the rules, they should be punished by those rules. He should not lump all gays into one category.

He suggested the abbot set up at his own temple a training ground for monks and novices. Those who refused to fit in could be sent there for instruction on how to change their behaviour.

'If Phra Payom wants to make this offer, then in fairness he should suggest monks who can't leave women alone should be separated from the rest of the flock as well.'

Natee said gays who refuse to fit in might be better leaving the monkhood, as they would enjoy more freedom to wiggle their backsides on the outside.

Kathoey toilets arrive

The age of the kathoey toilet has arrived. A temple in Rayong has built a toilet specifically for women of the second gender, as they are also known (men who want to change their sex).

Abbot Phrakru Wisut Sansophid, who thought of the idea himself, says kathoey who had visited the temple were given a hard time if they tried to use the men's toilets.

In this age of equal rights, he decided he would create a sit-down toilet especially for them, which they can reach from the women's toilet room.

The toilet has proved popular with kathoey, and a source of amusement for straight visitors.

A sign outside in the temple grounds - where visitors come to worship a shrine of the revered King Taksin - displays a symbol of a person in a wheelchair, for disabled toilets; a figure in trousers, for the men's toilets; a figure wearing a dress, for the women's toilets; and a figure wearing a dress on one side, and trousers on the other, representing a kathoey.

Head inside the toilets, and another sign makes it explicit: 'Kathoey toilet', it says.

The toilets, for the disabled, men, women, and kathoey, are made of granite and cost B900,000. They were built last year and opened three months ago.

Khao Sod newspaper, which published a story about the kathoey toilet, spoke to cleaner Saengarun Suksai, who said the toilet had been a hit since it opened.

Visitors laughed when they saw the sign.

Straight women did not dare use the kathoey toilet, in case people thought they were kathoey. As for kathoey themselves, they let off screams and squeals of delight, and rushed to try it.

A kathoey patron said she was delighted with the toilet find. She did not feel comfortable using the men's toilets, and women gave her strange stares when she tried to use theirs. Having her own toilet was just great.

Thai social climber (2, final)

Duck has good luck with foreign men. Since I met him, he has gone out with three, who visited Thailand as tourists, fell in love with Duck, then invited him back to their home country for a visit.

Duck, who comes from a coastal province close to Bangkok, grew up in the same town as my boyfriend, Maiyuu.

He asked me to write emails to his foreign boyfriends.

Duck's western friends knew that I helped with his emails, and seemed unworried by the fact that they conducted their long-distance love affairs through an intermediary.

At times I concealed information, though I tried not to lie outright.

Previously, Duck was in a relationship with a man from Spain. They lived in the same condo building as me, and were together five years.

Spanish Fly liked to play around. Duck put up with this as long as he had a roof over his head.

One day, Fly met a Thai Chinese student. They saw each other on weekends first, but then Fly asked his new love to move in. Suddenly, Duck was without a place to live.

Shortly before Fly threw him out, Duck met a tourist from California. In his 30s and a psychologist, he visited Bangkok, and took Duck to Koh Samui.

They shared a bungalow on the island for a few nights. It was Duck's first time on a plane.

In Samui, Duck and Mr California fell in love. Eventually, though, the tourist had to leave. They kept up regular phone and email contact until one day, the interest from Mr California's end stopped.

Duck was devastated. For days, he turned up at my place to check his email. He missed sleep, cried, came down with a stress-related illness.

Earlier, we spent weeks trying to organise a visa for Duck to visit his boyfriend in California, without success.

In my emails, I did not tell the foreigner that Duck was previously living with Spanish Fly, and had been doing so for years.

Mr California, who was no fool, wanted to know why a young man of 27 had still not found regular work.

But as the relationship with Mr California was winding down, Duck met a new westerner at a sauna.

This was Mr Germany, who despite being a policeman wears a beard and moustache.

Duck found the German's appearance intimidating, as he had never met a farang with facial hair.
Mr Germany invited Duck to join him in Pattaya for a six-day break.

Mr Germany, like Mr California did before him, offered to take him back home and enrol him in an English language school.

Thais look to the stars for guidance. Duck went to a fortune teller a few weeks before, who told him he was likely to travel overseas.

At the time Duck thought the fortune-teller was referring to Mr California, but in the end, Duck ended up visiting Mr Germany instead.

As Duck's email helper, I wrote Mr Germany a few messages.

I did not tell him about the previous men in Duck's life. I passed on news about what Duck had been doing, and on Duck's behalf asked after his health.

I did not write any begging letters, to any of his men.

On one visit to Pattaya, I found a paperback book of love letters, written in Thai and with a corresponding translation in English.

The letters are fictional but serve as exemplars for Thais who meet foreign tourists who visit Thailand.

It gives them ideas about what to put in begging letters to the foreigner once he leaves these shores. The book belonged to a Thai woman friend, who has a foreign boyfriend of her own.

She had underlined key passages: 'This month, my expenses are likely to be high, as Mum has to go into hospital. Can you help?

Most letters in the book are sent by Thai women to western men, though there is a small section for gay Thais to write to foreign gay men.

The authors say they are bar workers, sometimes prostitutes. They tend to come from Esan, and have no money.

Mum has fallen ill, the car has broken down, or they want to leave the sex trade. They ask the foreigner to send money. Some specify the amount.

A few stories are about hope: one student says she is about to graduate. She and her foreign male friend plan to buy a home. She writes to ask after his health.

Most stories, however, are about despair. The girl has fallen pregnant, but her western lover has lost interest.

The book is popular, with many printings.

Do Duck's experiences with western men belong in the hopeful, or despairing category?

I would say that he lives in hope, but often meets unhappiness.

I have met Mr Germany.

He is close to retirement, Duck a mere 30 years younger.

On his visit to Pattaya, Mr Germany met an old Thai boyfriend from a former visit.

This young man comes from Korat. He told Mr Germany proudly that he had now met another tourist.

A British guy with whom he had fallen in love sent him B100,000 to build a home in his home province.

Mr Korat also managed to obtain a visa to visit Mr Britain for a few months.

At the time he was selling his body, which is not the kind of thing you want to tell the embassy. For his visa application, he found someone to claim in a testimonial that he worked in a restaurant.

I'm going to ask him for more!' Mr Korat boasted.

Mr Germany was shocked by his brazenness.

'Duck doesn't ask me for anything,' he told me.

He's a lucky one then...maybe it just falls into his lap.

Thai social climber (1)

Stop me! I am becoming Thai. In the West, I would never have asked what kind of car people drive, and how big their houses are. What's happening?

Boyfriend Maiyuu ventured outside, a rare event.

In the condo carpark, he spotted his childhood friend Duck with his German boyfriend. They were going out - and appeared to have their own car!

'Duck has become hi-so - he now has his own car,' Maiyuu reported, when he returned to the condo.

'What kind?' I asked, momentarily shocked by my own interest.

'A Toyota - it could be a rental, but who would want to spend B1,000 a day renting when you could buy?' he said.

Mr Germany is on a visit to Thailand. He has bought a house in a coastal province close to Bangkok, and is now buying furniture to put in it.

Close to retirement, Mr Germany plans to move here in the next 12 months. Duck will stay with him on the coast, in a sub-division which is close to Duck's family home, and where other foreigners also live.

They are likely to travel between there and Bangkok.

'Why would he buy?' I asked.

'Duck has probably been blowing in his husband's ear, saying how much they need a car,' said Maiyuu.

Lucky Duck. Soon, by the looks of it, he will have a home and a car. I have not provided either to my boyfriend - but he claims he is not worried.

'Who cares?' said Maiyuu. 'Let them get on with it.'

Is it right to assess people by what assets they have gained, or good fortune they have met?

Thailand is a developing society, where the economy has grown at furious rates. It is only natural that Thais should be aware of changes in their friend's social standing.

When I met him eight years ago, Duck lived in rough conditions in a tiny room in the same condo as us, in Thon Buri. He had no formal qualifications, and no job.

The last part has not changed. Duck still lives in this condo, but has switched rooms. When his German boyfriend is in Bangkok, he stays in that room.

On a noticeboard inside the condo entrance, Duck has pinned a sign offering 50-minute foot massages at his place for B40.

He started offering the service after taking a brief course in massage therapy at a temple in town.

As far as I am aware, that's all he has done to improve his skills. Years ago, he told me he wants to be a hairdresser, but is no doubt waiting for his boyfriend to put him through a course.

Since the two met several years ago, Duck has divided his time between Bangkok and Germany.

Every six months, he goes to Germany to stay with his boyfriend on a three-month tourist visa, before returning to Thailand to wait another three months under the rules before he can apply for a visa again.

now, see part 2

Spot check

A Thai man in his 20s boarded the bus. He was with his mother, who was in her 50s.

The young man was good-looking, but had been admired before. When I cast a glance at him, I felt he was aware of my gaze. He was used to people admiring his clear-faced appearance.

He shifted uncomfortably, as if he disliked the attention.

His mother had several growths under one eye.

They sat next to each other. Soon after they had seated themselves, the mother put her head to one side and fell asleep. He head touched her son's shoulder.

For westerners, that's too close. Mothers do not fall asleep in the bus and expect their sons to support their heads.

A few moments later, she woke, and raised her head. I felt relieved.

A family I know runs an Esan food eatery close to my office. The woman who runs it is in her 40s, and has a son who has left school and is about to enter the police force.

Occasionally, I stop to talk to them. Once a year, I drink and have something to eat there.

When I first met the family, the young man had just started secondary school. Every day on the way to work, I walk past their busy shop, which runs for 20m along the sidewalk on one side.

One night recently, I visited with a friend. The young man turned up late in the evening. He gave his mother a wai, and started to help run shop.

We were seated off the street in what, during the day, serves as a car-park for trucks. The shop owner sets up tables in there at night, after the carpark is no longer in use. It is behind a wire fence.

When she puts tables in there, she can effectively double the space of her shop, which is narrow if confined to the sidewalk. To get in there, we duck through holes in the fence.

They have also created a children's play and sleep area inside the fence, so regulars who bring their children can put them somewhere while they drink.

Mum normally serves food, but if she wants a break can ask her young staff to take over. She employs Esan girls to serve customers, cut up vegetables, and wash dishes in plastic tubs.

Her husband, who works for the same company as me, helps at the shop if he is free.

Late in the evening, Mum and son appeared on our side of the fence. They examined each other. First, the son looked at something on his mother's head. He parted the hair on her head to get a good look.

Then, Mum inspected on her son's back.

He pulled up his shirt. Mum squeezed a spot.

This was probably the first time they had seen each other in a long day.

Do mothers in the West do this? Beyond her son's teenage years, probably not. It's just too intimate and personal.

Children probably would not offer to do it for their parents, unless they were very old.

Here, the same rules do not apply. Because it is so different, it is touching, and heart-warming to watch.