Thai men of the stage

A group of my friends in Bangkok are young men who study at a performing arts school. I went to see them last night, as one was celebrating his 21st birthday, and invited me.

Most of the boys study music. However, another member of the group of eight or nine boys at the drinking table - a brave young man, in my opinion - studies khon mask classical dance.

I have known this young man, Sakda, for a couple of years, but it was a long time before I learnt he was a dancer - and only last night, after someone outside the group asked him what he studies, that I found out he performs khon theatre.

He is wary of telling people he studies dance, for fear they will think he is not a real man. He looks impressively strong, and moves himself well, like a dancer should.

Sakda's elder brother studies at the same school. He was not there last night, as he was seeing friends in his own age group.

After school they go out to drink. Last night, some wore casual shorts and a T-shirt, but others were still in their black and white uniform.

Most are aged 20 or 21, so they have a year or so of studies still left to go. I wonder where they will end up. One boy told me last night he will probably teach music, for which another qualification is needed again. At weekends, the boys often take casual work performing in hotels or restaurants.

Most come from Esan, as does the owner of shop where we drink. For the last few nights, the owner, whom the boys call Mum, has made som tam for us - so hot that even these boys have trouble eating it. While Mum is cooking behind the shop, Sakda usually serves.

The other night he wasn't sure what change to give, so asked a customer to wait. He stood there for 10 minutes, but did not seem to care about having to slow down his day.

At the end of the night, we help clean up the plates and glasses. The boys have beautiful manners - they give me a wai every time they see me, and again when I leave.

Students senior to them get a wai, even when they are just walking past. They are usually offered a drink from someone's glass. One gulp, a few words of greeting, and they are off.

Occasionally girls they know in the neighbourhood stop by to chat, but most of the time, the boys drink alone.

When a pretty young women passes by, the more courageous ones try flirting. She is a member of the other sex, and instantly gets their attention.

For the most part, though, there are no such distractions, except for cellphones. Some boys have girlfriends, and spend most of their time with a phone pressed to one ear.

One boy left the group to talk on the phone. He crossed the road so he could get some privacy.

'His girlfriend calls him every four hours to see where he is,' one boy said.

After half an hour, he was still talking over there in the darkness, so the boys decided to call him back.

They called out to him across the road. He waved, smiled - and kept talking.

One gave him a countdown to end the call.

'Three...

'Two...

'One...'

No luck that time, either.

Finally he returned to the table. Earlier, boys in the group had teased this one about his dark skin, a ribbing he took good-naturedly. He has no trouble meeting girls, even if he is dark.

In an earnest tone, he told me that boyfriends should be faithful.

'We should see just one girl at a time,' he said.

'So how long have you known this girl,' I asked.

'Oh, we have never met,' he said. 'We just know each other from internet chat.'

Earnest, indeed.

Last night being a special occasion, the group was bigger than usual, and included a few boys I had not met before.

One boy made a beeline for me as soon as I arrived. He likes to talk English, but normally gets no chance. We spent the next hour talking about it.

'Where do you live?' he asked.

I told him.

'Do you live with a girlfriend?'

'No.'

'Do you live with a - friend?' he asked tactfully.

'Yes,' I said.

'Could I come to see you?'

A friend asked him to make another round of drinks. 'Wait, can't you see we're learning English together?' he said.

I told him I usually visit the shop on my nights off.

Another boy says he likes foreign girls, but does not know how to talk to them. He would also like to travel, he said, as he has never been outside his own country.

'Which countries have you visited?' he asked.

I told him. 'Not many.'

'I haven't been away anywhere,' he said.

'You have plenty of time, so don't worry,' I said.

Yet another boy wanted to know about western notions of respect.

'Do westerners respect people based on their age?'

'It depends on the person,' I said. Thais know westerners like to leave their parents in old person's homes, which many find shocking.

'For some of us, old just means old,' I said.

He laughed.

The shop owner, whom the boys call Mum, refers to herself the same way (แม่, or mae). She also calls the boys ลูก (look), the Thai word for children. A Thai-Indian friend from work introduced me to area, the shop, and Mum, four or five years ago.

Around 4.30am, the whisky had run out, and it was time to go home. The boys had an early start, at 8am.

I went to pay my bill, a bottle of whisky which I bought for the birthday boy. When I returned, one boy told me that the older one in a drinking group should always wait until the younger ones have paid.

That way, he doesn't embarrass himself by paying too little, and they can at least maintain the illusion of having paid for him, even if they don't.

I like getting lessons in Thai cultural etiquette, and am touched that my young friends don't mind telling me. Sometimes I just have no idea.

Another long day in their young lives was about to end. The street had fallen quiet, as the other shops in the area had long closed.

They boys split into two groups, and walked home, while I fetched a taxi, with one of Mum's dogs as my escort.

I hope one day their parents visit Bangkok to see their sons, and meet their second 'Mum' at our drinking shop. Parents should see what their children are doing with their lives.

That would give the boys a surprise, as I doubt any of their parents has ever been to Bangkok, at least while they have been living here.

But their upbringing has prepared them well. Their good manners and friendly, respectful nature would not desert them for an instant.