Farewell to a friend

A young friend has died of Aids, I learned last night. I found out in a roundabout way, as the ageing gay who told me was drunk.

'Ton's gone,' he said.

'Gone where?'

'Ton's gone, and I miss him.'

'You mean he's dead?'

Kathoey Bom had I had discussed Ton's unhealthy appearance several times over the last few months. We would catch sight of him walking past Mum's shop, looking emaciated and unwell. His arms and legs were much thinner than normal - as was his neck, which gave his head a large, bulbous look.

The last time I saw him was a few weeks ago. He walked past the shop down the centre of the road, rather than on the footpath, in the hope that I would not see him. He must have become bored answering questions about his health - though he and I did talk about it once, a couple of months ago.

He stopped at Mum's shop to buy a can of beer one night, but would not sit with us, but alone to one side of the shop. I urged him to join us (he refused), and while I was there asked him what was wrong.

'I am just working too hard, so I do not have time to eat,' he said.

Ton worked at a massage shop nearby.

'Have you been to see a doctor?'

'Yes, and he says there is nothing wrong,' Ton said.

He thanked me for showing an interest, and then left.

I did not believe his story about overwork, as he looked ill. However, he still moved normally, so the disease had not started to affect his motor skills.

Kathoey Bom says Ton died about a week ago. He lived alone in a tiny place deep inside a soi (street), which I had visited before. I did not like the thought of him dying there, so was pleased to hear that, before he died, Ton took a long bus journey home to the North of Thailand, where his family lives, to die at his parents' home.

Ton had not told his parents he had Aids, so the sight of their emaciated son must have come as a shock.

'He knew in his mind that he was about to die, so went home,' said Bom.

He reckons Ton did not in fact see a doctor about his ailment, as he was worried he would be diagnosed with Aids. His refusal to accept treatment might have shortened his lifespan considerably, but then that was his choice to make.

Bom says Ton was once in a relationship with a boy from the South, who had Aids. I did not know about the southern boy, as whenever I saw him, Ton was single and alone.

I have written previously about Ton. I said back then that he was proud, independent and determined. I imagine those qualities stayed with him to the end. He only sought help from his family when he had run out of options - though I wish he had told us all sooner.

Bom found out about his friend's death from a customer at his karaoke shop. 'He used to come to me as his elder, for advice,' says Bom.

Once, I recall chasing Ton myself, down by the riverbank close to Mum's shop. I regarded him as a handsome catch - though only as a special friend. Bom says he spent many nights down by the same riverbank, drinking with his friend.

'I miss him, and feel sorry for him,' he said.

Dying alone would be awful. I am grateful Ton had the good sense to go home, even if his parents had to learn the awful truth that their son was gay, and was dying of Aids.

Knowing Ton, he would not want to impose. He was a polite, old-fashioned boy, right up to the end.