Friday 16 March 2007

Ton's passing - the 'real' story

Kathoey Bom was sober last night, so was able to talk sense about Ton's recent death from Aids.

The real picture is much less organised and emotionally tidy than he had me believe the first night he told me about our young friend's death.

In fact, it sounds like a typically Thai death - no big dramas, just a matter of passing from this life to the next.

Ton did not die in the North, as Bom told me previously, but at his bedsit in Bangkok.

A couple of weeks before his death, he returned to see his family in the North, when it must have been clear to everyone that he was about to die.

But rather than stay there, Ton announced that he would like to see his friends one last time, so took the long journey by bus back to Bangkok, where he died about a week later.

His family then hired a car to come to Bangkok to retrieve his body, which they took back to the North to be cremated. No friends went back with him, just the family who travelled down to get his body. I don't know where they put Ton - maybe they propped him up in the back seat.

Ton lived in a bedsit about 10 minutes' walk from Mum's shop, and worked in a massage parlour about 50 metres in the other direction. Bom and I used to see him walking back home late at night, after his work finished.

Last night, as we reminisced about Ton, kathoey Bom poured a beer for him and placed it in front of an empty seat opposite. He did not know who gave him the disease, as Ton had many male admirers. Until recently, he lived with a young man from the South.

Apparently they shared Ton's bedsit together, though I don't know how they managed to find the space. Nor did I ever meet this mystery man.

'I never asked him if he was sick, because I did not want to upset him,' says Bom. Ton himself decided against seeing the doctor, as he was worried he would be diagnosed with Aids.

We'll never know the full story - he has only been gone a couple of weeks, but already the details are growing sketchy and confused, and even slightly comical.

'He used to glide, not just walk. At his massage place, he wore a formal white shirt,' I recalled.
'...And black trousers,' kathoey Bom chimed in.

Mum turned up to clear the table. She asked who had left the full glass of beer. Bom explained that he had poured it for our absent friend, Ton.

Mum could overhear us talking about Ton, from where she sits overlooking the shop. She must have decided we had talked that topic to death. She unceremoniously picked up the glass, and threw the contents against a nearby tree.

Oh, well. There goes Ton.

'He's gone away on a short journey, but he'll be back,' said Bom.

Postscript: A Thai-Indian friend tells me that when someone in his community dies, they put him in a coffin, then hire a pick-up truck. They put the coffin on the back of the truck, then take the body to a temple to be burned. That's probably what happened to Ton, too.

4 comments:

  1. I find it incredibly sad such a young guy has to die all alone. I lost my partner 15 years ago. I weep for them both. Ian

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  2. It was Ton himself who decided to return to Bangkok. I think he was mad...but maybe he felt even more alone in the company of family than he did here.

    At least here, he was around friends and workmates. In any event, I like to think that his spirit lives on in the roots of that tree against which Mum tossed his drink.

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  3. i have been reading your blog and i was drawn to ton's story. in your first post about him he came across as a very principled person who was not sexually active. he didn't perform sexual service for his clients in the massage parlor and neither did he have sex with you. it was to my wonder then that he died of aids and that he had many lovers. did you ever suspect then that he was sick (of aids) when he had skin rashes? do you council your friends about safe sex? i lived in bangkok for three years (2003-06) in pinklao area and i've thai friends who don't practice safe sex and were not aware how aids is transmitted. i think you are a caring person and you are in the best position to educate your thai friends about hiv/aids.

    thanks to your stories. it makes me miss bangkok so much!

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  4. No, I never suspected his skin sores were a symptom of Aids. He had them a long time, but then they seemed to vanish. He always looked well enough, until the last six months.

    No, I do not counsel my friends about Aids. Perhaps I should.

    The stories which I write about take place not so far from where you lived, in fact. Pin Khlao is becoming popular with foreigners, despite the traffic. Many young Thais live there too, particularly tertiary students.

    I love that part of town, because the many young people make it come alive, but also because of the pretty river, and the trees.

    Thank you for your positive comments. I hope you continue to enjoy the stories.

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Comments are welcome, in English or Thai (I can't read anything else). Anonymous posting is discouraged, unless you'd like to give yourself a name at the bottom of your post, so we can tell who you are.