In fact, that appears to be the general message: Don't get carried away. I am still paying penance for brief flings with my friends of the night, and one or two relationships which lasted longer, and caused boyfriend Maiyuu grief. During that time, I hardly showed interest in him at all. Now that I have no one else, I want him back.
I don't blame him for feeling annoyed. He also worries that if I find another new guy, my interest in him will wane again, which is probably true.
Yet I miss him if I do not see him all day, and do not get affection from anyone else. I work hard, come home tired and turn to him for relief.
'This is a natural thing to do,' I told him.
'I am not a sleeping pill you take before bed,' he replies.
'I feel as if you do not love me,' I say.
'Does kissing you prove that I love you?' he replies.
'I want to you to take off your pants,' I say.
'You see me walking around the house naked every day,' he counters.
How frustrating.
I know Maiyuu has not really lost interest, and I know he still loves me. He shows it in other ways, even if he does not want me to get too 'sexy'.
'This is not puppy love,' he says, as if to say, romance doesn't belong in the relationship any more, as we are both too grown-up.
'You sit at my feet, pleading like a child.'
That's right. Time to get tough on myself, and firmer with him, too. What poor form, asking your boyfriend to show more interest. Soon, I'll start inviting him to get into Deep Conversations with me, too. It's all too much like hard work.
Thee Chaiyadej has written a song for guys in my predicament, who think their long-term partner is losing interest (even when, in some cases, really he has not).
Click here to hear it. The lyrics for the song, khon dio (alone), are below.
I like to sing along, which I suspect annoys Maiyuu, as he has read the lyrics, too.
But if I croon it romantically enough, just maybe I can persuade him to leave his telephone alone, turn off the TV, and....sit on my lap.
Title: คนเดียว
Artist: ธีร์ ไชยเดช
Album: There
Label: Bakery Music
Words: ธีร์ ไชยเดช
Music: ธีร์ ไชยเดช
อยู่คนเดียวลำพังหัวใจ อยู่คนเดียวของเราเรื่อยไป
จะทำอะไร ก็ทำแต่ใจของเรา
ปล่อยเวลากันมาตั้งนาน กล่าวขานกันไปสุดกู่
จะอยู่อย่างไร ไม่ทำให้ใครรับรู้
แล้วไม่ได้อะไร ที่ใจ ต้องการกันมานานแสนนาน
แล้วไม่มีอะไร ให้ใจ บ้างเลย
เรามีดีที่ไหนกัน แค่มีความสัมพันธ์เดียวดาย
ไม่มีความหมายใดๆ ไม่มีความหวังอะไร
ไม่มีความฝันอันยิ่งใหญ่ ที่มีให้เพียงกันและกัน.. ตลอดไป
Don't you think that Maiyuu is behaving more like a typical Thai than a once-scorned lover? Many farangs have remarked to me how their relationships feel very one-sided to them, with them providing much of the passion. This isn't to imply that Thais are not good lovers...in my experience they are. But there is a lack of passion that can be both frustrating and confusing.
ReplyDeleteYou might well be right. Sometimes I feel I am being punished, though it may not have much to do with my past misdeeds at all. He just doesn't want too much of the passion thing. He might feel embarrassed about it, and believe it does not sit well with the rest of our relationship.
ReplyDeleteLast night he asked how we can do the love thing if I still bail him out when I get angry. I have shouted at him when I get angry, it is true - but in his eyes, he does not enjoy the same right, to shout at me.
Similarly, I ask him why he does not let me care for him more than I do. 'That's not your job - it's mne,' he says.
Getting over obstacles such as these will be a challenge.
"Cancer?" Sleeping with the boss? The mysterious disappearance of a lot of money? Are these not the major "obstacles?"
ReplyDelete