Sad, lonely gay? (4, final)

Maiyuu would like us to buy a condo, and a car. I hate the condo lifestyle, so that is unlikely to happen. Nor am I keen to buy a car.

I would like to transfer money from overseas to decorate the place I rent. Maiyuu says the money is likely to be wasted, as ultimately the benefit goes to the condo owner. He is not willing to use the money from the insurance scheme to help, as his health is more important.

'It is up to you, as I can carry on living here the way it is,' he says, pretending not to care.

That's code for: 'I am willing to let you shoulder the burden for all the expenditure yourself, even though I will get to share in the benefit of a place which is done up.'

His bloody-minded attitude towards (my) money is likely to triumph once again, because the only alternative, which I am unlikely to accept, is that we go on living in a place which is badly in need of paint and new flooring, and which as the years go by looks increasingly like a slum.

He knows that if I returned overseas I would probably survive. My financial welfare is relatively unimportant, next to someone who has nothing. I don' t blame him for feeling that way. If I was in his place, I would probably be the same.

He has the brutal mindset of someone who feels hard done by, and is driven by the need to survive.

I don't mind that. For his own sake, I just wish he would make more of an effort with his family.

I have met his uncles and aunts. Some of their children are now teenagers, and when we last met, several years ago, had yet to pay their first visit to Bangkok.

We could have invited them to stay, and shown them around - back then.

He could have been an uncle, not just a solitary gay boy from the provinces trying to make it in Bangkok. Why does he shun his uncles and aunts?

Family politics, and jockeying to be the grandmother's favourites plays a part.

Extended families can be a mix of good and bad - they have a habit of putting their hand out, just as boyfriend Maiyuu has done. In cutting himself off, he has arguably saved us that expense. Yet family ties can also be emotionally rewarding, and fun.

My boyfriend's determination to estrange himself means that I have not had the opportunity to get to know them. They live less than two hours from Bangkok, but they may as well be half a world away.

No doubt his nephews and nieces still remember him - vaguely. Different he might be, but I find it hard to believe that he doesn't care.

Where the warmth of family relations is concerned, I no longer look to boyfriend Maiyuu, if I ever did. I found another place to belong, at Mum's shop in Thon Buri. It is not the same as getting to know the boyfriend's family, but it will have to do.

Maiyuu reckons that he can do without all the bother which family relationships involve.

He still has his work, and his friends, and of course me. As long as he can keep those three components in happy balance, then he has no need of family ties.

Of work, friends, and me, he places most importance on our relationship as boyfriends.

But what happens when that, too, breaks down?

Coming up: Christmas from Hell