Sunday 23 March 2008

Sulkiness for show

The sturdy supports of many Thai relationships are jealousy, and a tendency to sulk or get pouty if you do not get your way.

They are not necessarily related, but they are so common in Thai gay males, they may as well be.

Annoy a Thai mate who sulks, and he may not talk to you for days. He is waiting for you to apologise and make up, to show him that you really do care.

For the person on the receiving end of a long pout, the wait can infuriating. The sulky one is telling us he wants us to restore the equilibrium of the relationship, to take things back to the they way they were.

As for jealousy, we're supposed to grow out of that when we become adults. In a mature relationship there's no place for such rampant distrust. Everything is built on the foundation of love, of which trust is an implicit part.

One reason I fetch my partner's laundry is I love him. I don't need to worry about what he is doing while I am filling the laundry basket. If I am lucky he might even be doing something for me.

Once I read a message on a Thai gay webboard which asked if readers liked their boyfriends to be possessive, or pouty - as if there was no other choice.

One reader responded saying he liked possessive, jealous types, because if his boyfriend was jealous it showed he cared.

Another said he liked a pouty partner because he enjoys making up. When that happens, he said, their love becomes stronger.

The Thai way seems unfair, especially if your boyfriend is inclined both to jealousy and sulking. In that case you will always have to kowtow.

For many Thais, to have a boyfriend who does not feel jealous for silly, petty reasons, or does not sulk almost as a matter of form, is to have a boyfriend who is indifferent, or worse.

Yet perhaps these displays of jealousy and sulkiness are not meant to be serious, but are really intended for show.

if I was to get genuinely suspicious or jealous about what my lover was doing with his time or his friends, he'd say I was going mad.

My Thai boyfriend Maiyuu is not possessive, and nor is he inclined to sulk when he does not get his way. He knows that puts him almost alone among his friends, and I commend him for it.

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