Sit-down queens

I love Bangkok mornings. As I write this, it is 7am. The sun is up, and has cast a youthful glow on the skyline.

In front of our place is a stupa which has sat unfinished for years. Part of a local temple, green builder's netting surrounds its base. Occasionally the tiny figure of a builder pops up on one side, using a welder's arc.

If the wind blows down the netting, someone will replace it. Otherwise, months can go by and nothing will happen.

For many middle-class Thais, tinkering about at home is best left to the Burmese help. If you can't afford Burmese help, then get the condo's handyman to do it. To lift up a hammer or screwdriver oneself is to admit you are poor.

We can't afford Burmese help, so we must help ourselves. Or rather Maiyuu must do it, as I am too clumsy with my hands.

Maiyuu has been busy with a screwdriver in one of our bathrooms, putting in a new toilet seat.

We rent two adjoining rooms. Each one has its own shower and toilet.

His old toilet seat came apart last week after a farang friend of mine was unkind to it.

Farang C, who was visiting, urinates from standing position. He opened the lid, but it fell shut while he was in mid-stream.

In frustration, he yanked the thing backwards, and broke it.

Maiyuu's bathroom is perhaps his favourite part of the condo. He has decorated it with incense sticks and candles, and keeps his smoking paraphernalia in there.

When he found that farang C had destroyed the seat, he was upset.

I am responsible for most of the breakages at our place, as I am cack-handed and clumsy. I bump into things and break them easily. In this case, I had to make an apology for farang C.

'I will have to buy a new one. Your farang friend should pay for it,' grumbled Maiyuu.

At the shops, Maiyuu bought me a pair of shoes for work. For himself, he bought himself a new china-blue plastic toilet seat.

The royal blue seat clashes with the bowl, which is a cacky brown. However, it looks suitably regal - fit for a queen who does all her business in there sitting down, rather than in standing position like farang C.

Alert visitors can tell this is a gay household. I don't perform in standing position either. We are sit-down queens.

I see Mr Esan is the carpark of the condo almost nightly. He has struck up a friendship with the security guard, who is also from the Northeast.

When I returned from work last night he was on the cellphone, as he usually is when I see him. I gave him a smile, but kept moving.

Fifteen minutes later, when I went down to get a food order, I found Mr Esan outside the lift, chatting to a young woman who lives in the building. They appeared to be swapping cellphone numbers.

Mr Esan should be careful. That tenant is a kept woman...an older man with gold chains and huge rings on his fingers pays for her condo and car, and drops in occasionally to see her.

Apart from that, Mr Esan has his own girlfriend. Won't she get jealous?

Mr Esan was wearing a long pair of green shorts, and a T-shirt, which is unusual for him, as normally at his hour he is wandering about shirtless.

When he saw me by the lift, he giggled. I said nothing, as I could see he was busy with the young woman.