Step forward, Mr Geography

I was sitting by the canal yesterday when a group of tourists went past in a long-tailed boat.

They saw me sitting on the rickety pier, and came back for another look.

Actually, I suspect they spotted the eatery behind me, and decided they would drop in for a bite to eat.

The eatery has open sides, juts into the canal on wooden stilts, and is so ramshackle that when you tread on floorboards inside, they open at the ends to expose a glimpse of the water beneath.

The tourists asked the man helming the boat to reverse, which he did.

'Welcome to Thailand, man!'

Whaa? That wasn't me. I don't call out greetings to perfect strangers. That hip-sounding greeting came from a Thai man sitting at a table inside the eatery.

He was sitting with a couple of friends, drinking, and was evidently in an internationalist (ie chatting with foreigners) mood.

The tourists, who were Europeans, looked excited. Here, someone who talks English!

They climbed off their boat, filed past me without saying a word, and entered the eatery, where they took a table and tried to order.

The Thai staff in there lack English. I tried not to listen as the tourists struggled with the menu, which is written in Thai.

Mr Thai Internationalist grasped that they wanted Coke. The word in Thai is the same, but with a funny accent.

'Coke!' the chatty Thai called out to the girl serving.

How helpful.

The foreigners started a conversation. This was Mr Chatty's chance to show his Thai friends that he shines at English.

I saw him lean into the conversation at the foreigners' table, the way a dog might snatch a ball from your hand when he knows you're willing to play.

In any conversation with foreigners, knowledge of geography is useful. Thais, of course, are known for their profound grasp of the subject.

'We come from Vienna, Austria - you know it?' asked one swarthy-necked tourist.

'Sydney? Sure, man. What city do you come from?' asked the Thai.

'No...Vienna, Austria,' said the European.

'Perth?' asked the Thai. 'I worked in Perth, man...for a company,' he said.

''No...Austria...not Australia,' said the European.

'Aus-tra-lia,' said Mr Chatty to his Thai friends.

'It's in Europe,' the foreigner volunteered.

The Thais sat their silently.

I gave up listening. Many tourists leave Thailand remarking on the friendliness of its people.

This Thai was amiable , alright - because he wanted to impress his drinking friends.

These tourists were the unfortunate vehicle for his boasting.

Should Thais' keen sense of geography (or ear for simple English) let them down, then they can always fall back on their equally firm grasp of history.

By way of example, take this quote from a recent post [post deleted - it's about politics] with a political theme.

'Salang has likened the PAD's broadcasts to brainwashing, the way Hitler used to brainwash Chinese youth.'

Remember that?

Salang is a former deputy police chief who criticised the protest group, People's Alliance for Democracy, for spreading propaganda - just like Hitler did to the poor Chinese.

Ah, yes, the Chinese. They will remember him well.

I am sure the Europeans took away good memories of their experience in the canalside eatery.

Thais come across to foreigners as charming and innocent. No mystery there, given the conversation above.

So, here's to Australia - or, er Austria!