If I was to leave: More thoughts

Some Thais do not want to live overseas. Should I ever leave this place, I doubt Maiyuu would want to come with me. In any case, I am not sure I would want him.

I don't know why some foreigners get so clucky over the thought of gay marriage. It doesn't appeal to me, and is not an option I would even consider.

Married to a guy who is so wilfully ignorant of the ways of the West? No thanks. He would be a chain around my neck.

If I returned overseas, I would want a new start. The only reason I would take Maiyuu would be as a helpmate - in the event I was incapable of starting again myself.

That's unlikely to happen, as I am still fit, relatively young, and capable.

'Oh, a button has fallen off my shirt! What should I do?'

'Oh, I'm hungry...who will cook for me?'

Pathetic...anyone can do better than that, including me.

Many farang seem keen on trying to civilise or westernise their Thai partners. Yet I like Maiyuu the way he is.

I don't insist he learns English; that challenge, in any event, takes years of study and practice. If he doesn't want to educate himself further, or put himself in training courses, then that is his choice. I won't force him.

But if the day comes when I do decide to leave this place for home, he will have to start again (just as I will, only I shall do it overseas).

My duty is to make him aware that one day it might happen; that in this life, anything can happen which forces an abrupt change in our circumstances. Will he be ready?

My parents are getting old. If my father suddenly fell ill, would I return home? It's possible. If my company started laying off people and I lost my job, I would have no choice but to return, as I have no desire to start again here.

I would also like the opportunity to work back home should one present itself.

In short, I am waiting for someone to move my cheese - to force change upon me.

In the short term, I am unlikely to pull the plug on my Thai life myself, unless relations with the boyfriend suddenly deteriorated, and I could not be bothered trying to revive the relationship.

Over time, however, these thoughts are likely to weigh more heavily upon me, so in the end I might move my cheese myself, without waiting for someone else to do it for me.

Once again, my only obligation to the boyfriend is to let him know that it could happen, that nothing is permanent, and that in the grand scheme of things - work, family, boyfriend - he might well end up coming in third.

Maiyuu lets me see little of him. I have lived with him for nine years, but sometimes feel I am only just getting to know him.

'I could fall under a bus tomorrow - have you ever thought of what could happen to you if I did?' I asked him the other day.

'No,' he replied simply.

That's so Thai...live for the moment!

Why bother with such people? Well, I'm here, so I may as well. But anywhere else? No thanks. I can do better, and if Maiyuu really is intent on being so frustratingly Thai, then he might also be better off in a relationship with someone else - with one of his own kind, not with me.