Hide that bottle: Social etiquette for the foreigner

Like anyone else, foreigners have to observe social etiquette in the Land of Smiles. Many Thais think foreigners are drunks.

Most Thais wouldn’t mind, but the hi-so crowd might object. This morning I took an empty whisky bottle out to the rubbish bin on the landing outside my place.

I poked my head out the door first, to make sure the coast was clear ... it was. I crept up the stairs, and deposited my bottle in the rubbish.

Back inside, I took a new bottle out of its box. Intending also to deposit the empty box in the rubbish, I opened the door again – then stopped.

A high-so Thai-Chinese woman in her 50s, possibly from the place opposite, was on the landing.

She had her hair bouffed up (sure sign of a hi-so), and was wearing a waist-length silk jacket (another reliable sign), the type which middle-aged Thai women seem able to wear without breaking into a sweat, even in the 45deg heat.

Thankfully, she had her back to me. I quickly withdrew and closed the door. Maiyuu took the empty booze box out to the rubbish instead.

He rarely drinks, but more importantly doesn’t care what Thais think.

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Earlier, a security guard stopped me as I was about to cross from the condo across a vacant lot to the local 7-11. I was intending to buy the bottle of whisky I mentioned above.

‘Why don’t you try the shop to the left?’ he asked. ‘It’s closer.’

He knows I go over there to the convenience store to buy liquor, as he sees me returning from the shop with my bottle in a bag.

However, it's a long walk, if you're a Thai. They'd rather hop on a motorbike than go by foot, even if the shop is only 50m away.

'It's too far to walk over there,' he said.

At his suggestion, I tried the little shop next to the condo, which is part of the slum. I had never seen it before, and in fact didn't know it was there.

Half a dozen men in their 50s were sitting on the step outside when I approached the shop, set in a small block of slum housing which has grown up on one side of the condo carpark.

‘Hello!’ they said.

I returned the greeting, and asked the owner if his little shop – it looked like a rough cupboard cut into a wall - stocked my brand of whisky. No.

I was walking out again, heading for my original destination, when a motorcyclist stopped by my side.

The girl, aged in her early 20s, was riding one of those smart Yamaha Fino motorcycles, and invited me to hop on. We were strangers, but she must have known I was in need.

‘Sit carefully,' she advised, as the bike wobbled.

'Am I heavy?' I asked.

'Yes, you are.'

My new friend took me to another 7-11 store, in the tourist district.

I enjoyed travelling behind her, as we whizzed down side streets behind the condo.

Thai guys looked at us as we passed. I hope they were envious.

The girl, who did not give her name, had just showered. I could smell the shampoo in her hair.

She stopped outside a 7-11 in the tourist district.

As I clambered off her bike, I tried not to touch her body. Some Thai girls are sensitive about that, especially if it's some farang stranger.

‘Ask one of motorsai guys to take you back,’ she suggested, as she sped off.

Motorcycle hire guys were sitting at a stand across the road.

I looked at them. A rough-looking bunch, they were wearing their regulation motorcycle hire vests. No, thanks.

They could not compare with the pretty, soft little thing who had just appeared out of nowhere, and because she was a generous soul, offered to give me a lift.

Bottle of whisky in hand, I decided to make the journey back on foot instead.