It was after 11pm, and the young man was wearing regulation university dress: white shirt, black slacks.
I wondered why he had not gone home for a shower and a meal. Why was he still out at this hour, away from family?
'Do you have B10?' he asked in English.
'I do - is that all you want?'I replied, opening my wallet. I gave him B20, just in case he needed more.
Being Thai, he finds it difficult to say 'thanks', not because he's ungrateful, just because it's not something Thais do easily when someone older gives them something. They might wai the person; or, as this young man attempted to do, start a conversation, almost as a distraction.
'Do you work around here?' he asked.
I can't be bothered with small talk, which made him feel uncomfortable, so he asked a second time.
'Do you work around here?'
'Mmm,' I agreed.
He looked disappointed that I didn't respond in the face-saving way that was expected. He is starting a conversation, expressing interest in me to show he feels grateful.
But he needn't, as I am happy to help. I didn't want him stuck in this unpleasant spot (I work in an industrial area) either.
'Now I need to find a bus...' he muttered.
I left him to it. Much as I like Thai ways, I can't be bothered engaging in small talk simply because a simple 'thank you' culturally is too elusive. I resumed my journey home.
'I do - is that all you want?'I replied, opening my wallet. I gave him B20, just in case he needed more.
Being Thai, he finds it difficult to say 'thanks', not because he's ungrateful, just because it's not something Thais do easily when someone older gives them something. They might wai the person; or, as this young man attempted to do, start a conversation, almost as a distraction.
'Do you work around here?' he asked.
I can't be bothered with small talk, which made him feel uncomfortable, so he asked a second time.
'Do you work around here?'
'Mmm,' I agreed.
He looked disappointed that I didn't respond in the face-saving way that was expected. He is starting a conversation, expressing interest in me to show he feels grateful.
But he needn't, as I am happy to help. I didn't want him stuck in this unpleasant spot (I work in an industrial area) either.
'Now I need to find a bus...' he muttered.
I left him to it. Much as I like Thai ways, I can't be bothered engaging in small talk simply because a simple 'thank you' culturally is too elusive. I resumed my journey home.
14 comments:
ReplyDeleteBODYholic9 July 2009 at 09:31
"'Do you have B10?' he asked in English.
'I do - is that all you want?'I replied, opening my wallet.
I gave him B20, just in case he needed more."
That's very nice and generous of you. :) Thanks for sharing this little trivia with us. Can't say for the rest, I actually find it interesting.
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William9 July 2009 at 09:40
Hard to say "Thank You"? I did not know that. I thought it harder to ask.
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aaronng889 July 2009 at 11:40
wow.... >< next time go thai, must go find u and ask for money =) can get double of wat i asked for. I promise to say 'Thanks' k?
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Bkkdreamer9 July 2009 at 17:18
William:
Thais find it hard to say both 'Please'and 'Thank you'. I don't know what it is - strange.
Aaron (aka Poster Boy): Sure. Polite young men are always welcome.
BTW: Did you ever tell your Dad that you disliked all those swimming competitions and other 'activities' he encouraged you to do?
My Dad liked to encourage me to do the same thing. I am sure it was good for the soul, but I still didn't like it.
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Wilko9 July 2009 at 23:13
lt seems strange to someone who spends her whole life teaching children manners.
When my own were young, if they didn't say please or thank you, they didn't get!!
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Anonymous10 July 2009 at 03:30
When it comes to these small amounts of money, I've found that Thais are quite mutually generous- kind of a 'we all need to get by so I'll help you now because someone will help me later.' One nice bit of community spirit that has vanished from many other 'developed' countries.
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aaronng8810 July 2009 at 04:48
kekeke~ poster boy >< faux poster boy got la =p
erm, of course, i nagged all the time. but he insisted and persisted. but i guess it was with the best of intention. and now looking back at it, i did not regret doing wat i did. in fact, i think it's due to those 'forced' activity moulded me into the person i am today =)
so the cliche'd 'daddy knows best' has a deeper meaning to me =)
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Ray10 July 2009 at 06:48
Like 'anonymous' I am pleased to see that the Thais are mutually generous. My b/f refers to this as "thai help thai". It's a sort of "paying it forward" approach which the western cultures don't often have.
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Bkkdreamer10 July 2009 at 07:30
Sorry, Ray...I intended that last comment for you, not another Mr Anonymous.
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Happi10 July 2009 at 07:30
Have gotten quite irate at my BF for him not saying thank you if I do him a favour, grateful to see it's a problem to more than me. But then again wai's are even better. Do you have any clue why it's difficult to say thank you?
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Bkkdreamer10 July 2009 at 07:30
ReplyDeleteWilko: It appears to be a cultural thing, but I know what you mean. I miss it when I don't hear it, even from the mouths of Thais.
Anon: Yes, they are a generous bunch. They don't like to see each other in trouble financially, and I am sure they would like their friends to feel just as sympathetic when they run out of money too.
Aaron: I admire you courage in nagging; i don't think I was brave enough, probably because I had a competitive brother who was good at sports. I didn't want him to show me up as a non-trier, loser, or whatever.
Anon: Whenever I hear 'Pay It Forward' I think of that dreadful American movie with...can't remember their names, and I don't want to look.
I wonder if the saying evolved independently of that film, or owes its existence to that dreadful schmaltz.
One day I hope we can use it without having to recall that film at all.
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Bkkdreamer10 July 2009 at 08:09
Happi: To say thank you may be demeaning, or something they save up for when they have to bow their head, raise their hands in a deep wai, and generally make themselves feel lower than the giver.
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Jok10 July 2009 at 18:33
Oh yes, once a young Thai guy I knew for a while asked me to buy him a pair of "office" shoes for his upcoming interview which I did and what I got was a sniff in the open (as how Thais frequently do) on my cheek; no "thank you", no wai. Is sniffing a greater show of affection than say a peck?
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Bkkdreamer10 July 2009 at 22:13
Thais don't cheek-kiss in the open often. Mine won't do it - many won't. He must have liked the shoes...you did well.
Is it a peck? Depends on the kiss, and who they are giving it to.
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