Sunday, 21 February 2010

Ball's job search drama: Learning to think for himself


‘Do you mind if I make a decision for myself about what kind of work I would like to do?’ asked Ball.

I called in to see him last night after work.

He and other family members, including his girlfriend Jay and elder brother Boy, were gathered around the television.

Boy also brought home with him a former soldier friend, who was chatty and started asking me questions as soon as I arrived.

I couldn’t be bothered being pleasant, so let Ball answer questions for me.

After five minutes, I asked Ball to leave his perch by the girlfriend, and sit next to me instead. We needed to talk.

About six hours before, I had dropped in to his place to ask Ball why he had chosen not to turn up for work at my company that morning.

At his mother’s request, I had found him a job, and earlier taken him to the interview.

It would be manual piecemeal work, but if he liked it, and the company liked him, he would be offered a permanent position.

However, Ball decided not to show for his first day at work.

This upset me, as I thought that any job, no matter how dull or tiring, would be better than rotting away at home with nothing to do.

Ball’s family has little to come and go on; sometimes, his mother struggles to find even B20 a day to give to her kids. So the job I found for Ball could only be good, right?

When I visited Ball’s place in early afternoon, I was too full of anger to consider that he may have his own reasons for knocking back the work.

‘Your son just wants to drink late, and get up late,’ I told his mother bitterly. ‘That’s all he expects from his life.’

Ball was taking a shower. When he emerged, I could barely bring myself to look at him.

I also let off steam before his brother, and his elder sister, who was sympathetic.

‘Please keep him away from the ya dong. When he drinks, he finds it hard to get up the next day. Yet if he wants a job, he has to be ready to assume responsibility,’ she said.

After dressing, Ball joined us briefly. He had arranged to meet his drinking friend Na, who took him around the neighbourhood looking for jobs elsewhere.

Ball’s mother was shelling prawns for lunch, but Ball did not stay. At the first opportunity, he slipped out the door.

Ball left home without any food money. With the angry farang present, he was too scared to ask his mother.

Later that night, I turned up at his place seeking an explanation for his no-show.

‘I have thought about it many times, but I just don’t think I would be interested in that kind of work,’ he said. 'It’s repetitive, and boring. I am also shy, and would find it hard to talk to anyone there.

'I saw not a single person my age. Everyone was in their 50s or older,’ he said.

‘If I could take a friend, it would be more enjoyable, but I don’t want to go by myself.

‘I will keep looking for work. I plan to go out every day with Na until we find something.

He talked about his job-search adventures with Na.

'Today we walked from one end of a busy street to another. When we found a company advertising a vacancy in its window, we took down its number,’ he said.

'Please don’t get stressed. But do you mind if I make my own decision about where to work?’

I looked at my young friend. His question was so earnest. Whatever residual anger I felt, quickly dissolved.

‘I don’t mind at all. In fact, I think it’s great if you have the courage to make your own decision. Don’t let yourself be influenced by me, Na or anyone else. Just be yourself,’ I said.

I asked Ball if he would like a couple of beers to wind down. We walked to a shop nearby.

Sensibly, he did not ask for spirits. Ball is getting the message that his wild ways have to end.

Half an hour later, I asked to be excused. Ball walked me back across the vacant lot towards my condo.

‘I am not angry any more, and I am sorry I scared you out of your own place,’ I said.

Ball and I shook hands, and I said good-night.

2 comments:

  1. 8 comments:

    hendrikbkk20 February 2010 at 22:42
    I is all for the best he wont work at your company, it is asking for trouble.
    Let his new found buddy Na get him a job, by walking up and down a busy street, yeah that will do the trick.
    You know, I personally get annoyed by Balls behaviour, that means you are a great writer and your stories are so much more interesting then those blogs from so-called experts on thai culture and behavior.
    Cant wait for the next developments of the Ball saga.

    ReplyDelete

    Anonymous21 February 2010 at 03:32
    Blueman:
    I was on here before.

    Very interesting story. LOL. I could see how you were set up to fail on this one.
    Ball does not have any discipline at all.
    It is comical he gets a job opportunity and he looks at it as a place where he could have a friend his age.
    Such is youth without discipline.

    I am reminded of my sister pushing me at the age of fourteen to get off the couch and get a job, and it did a lot to define my character and work ethic. I didn't stay a cook and went into my talent based calling, but I learned a lot about cooking and built up skills.

    That being said, you are doing a great service to him, even getting angry, though it must be gut wrenching.

    I have had many an 18 - 19 year old cute with no brains I have spent many a conversation working with them towards a goal. I am not saying Ball has no brains, but he is reckless.

    I think for the most part they all got it eventually, but outside of our relationship.

    The real spiritual truth of the matter is Mr. Ball needs to discover what it is that he actually is passionate about, has interest in, and direct himself towards that life goal.

    A manual job, where he does labor and builds up his frame and worth and self worth is too menial to him because there are no kids to play with at the schoolyar/oops workyard.

    Na is an interesting character 30's and he suddenly has all the answers to find a job for a 19 year old. It is the schoolyard where the rules changed so Ball looks for stepping stones in age/mentality brackets to find work.

    It is like a person in rehab suddenly getting sobriety advice from the older junkie.

    If I can make one impression, try to get Ball to define what it is he really wants to do, and work from there.
    Any discernable talent, then go for a trade.

    Welcome the grey hair if you have not gotten them already.

    peace.

    Anyway it is fear of being trapped/stuck in a menial labor job for the rest of his life.

    ReplyDelete

    Anonymous21 February 2010 at 03:44
    Blueman:
    at 14 I was a doughboy, then a fry cook, then an assistant cook, then a full on short order cook. Then i was 19 and this is in USA.

    When I was the cook I felt that I was wasting my life and talents, that I was withering away in a kitchen when my passion and talents were elsewhere.

    And this is the only spiritual vein that I took that may work in this young man's culture.

    When people don't like their job they tend to slack off, to do poorly, to ilde and be lazy.
    I look at this as a trap. Like a moss growing on you, the less you do the more it clings to you and sticks around. I seriously did not want to work at this kitchen any longer sooooooooooo.

    I did the best job I could. I cleaned in places noone cleaned or had cleaned for years, I scrubbed in places noone would ever find for years. I got rid of that job by doing it out of existance.

    20 I was in another state working at a job that would pay for my advanced education and I never had to look back.

    20 years from then, I miss the kitchen sometimes and it is tough due to this economy.. but I am not stuck in menial labor, independant and creative.

    hope that helped.

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  2. Bkkdreamer21 February 2010 at 05:03
    Hendrik: I am pleased to hear you are getting steamed up about Ball. His behaviour can be annoying; if I didn't have carer R as a sounding board, I might have given up already.

    Anon: I like your suggestion encouraging Ball to think about what he wants to do, and take steps towards getting a job, or training in that field.

    At 19, it's about time he knew, or at least started thinking about where his interests and talents lie.

    ReplyDeleteAnonymous21 February 2010 at 08:48Mr. Ball is a hopeless case. Stay away from him et el, eventually you will be emotionally and financially bankruptReplyDelete Bkkdreamer21 February 2010 at 17:35I wish it were that simple. I am stuck on him. Much may depend on his job search efforts over the next few weeks; or it may not.

    I can't walk away just yet. He would have to do something to annoy me enormously for that to happen.

    I want to keep believing in him, but often I find myself looking for assurances that he is worth the effort.

    His step-father is a ratbag, his mother, while a warm person, too keen on gambling. His home is like a train station; a constant stream of people, coming and going, but no one seems to connect.

    I have a healthy self-defence mechanism. I don't mind telling people, Ball included, exactly what I feel.

    However, I don't want to come across as a nagging parent, so will take a step back for a while to see what happens.ReplyDelete Anonymous22 February 2010 at 09:14It's pretty clear that the boy is either already, or is well along the path of becoming an alcholic. If you want to do the right thing, don't buy him another drop of ya dong and discourage his going to the ya dong stand.ReplyDelete Kjtoro23 February 2010 at 11:44I think, overall it's for the best that he isn't working at the same company as you. I believe Ball's reluctance to take the job may be related to his feeling intimated at the prospect of having a "Good Job". ReplyDelete

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Comments are welcome, in English or Thai (I can't read anything else). Anonymous posting is discouraged, unless you'd like to give yourself a name at the bottom of your post, so we can tell who you are.