Why? The idea appears to be that it will bring out the way members of the family ‘really’ feel towards me, or me towards them.
Mum asked me to her own mother’s place for a birthday meal on Saturday. ‘You must come!’ she had told me excitedly.
In the end, I didn't go. About 4pm on Saturday, I called her after hearing nothing from them all day.
‘We’re waiting for my daughter; then we will go together. That means we won’t leave until evening,’ she said apologetically.
I am not free at that hour, as she well knows.
They went to granny’s birthday bash without me, which might have been a good thing, as they stayed overnight.
Mum called late yesterday, as they were heading back. It had been a busy 24 hours.
‘You have been so quiet – no calls!’ she said.
Well, what do you expect? No one enjoys being treated like a mere hanger-on.
I did not call last night after work, and nor have I called this morning to see what her son is doing.
I am spending more time at home with the boyfriend. We chat about nothing in particular, watch the odd movie together, catch up on sleep.
Maiyuu cooks as fervently as ever, including a batch of milk chocolate ice-cream, served on his own strawberry sauce; and a salmon , mashed potato and coleslaw dish.
‘Have you called your son to say good night?’ he asked before bed.
Maiyuu suspects our present close phase won’t last. I’m only spending more time with him because Ball’s family has let me down.
Where do these phases lead, when we try to cut ourselves off from people who normally provide us with so much emotional sustenance?
In the absence of anything better, we probably end up back right where we started. Or as guitarist David Gilmour puts it, in Smile:
I'll make my getaway
Time on my own
Search for a better way
To find my way home
To your smile
-
Smile
(Gilmour / Samson)
Would this do
To make it all right
While sleep has taken you
Where I'm out of sight
I'll make my getaway
Time on my own
Search for a better way
To find my way home
To your smile
Wasting days and days
On this night
Always down and up
Half the night
Hopeless to reminisce
Through the dark hours
We'll only sacrifice
What time will allow us
You're sighing... sighing
All alone
Though you're right here
Now it's time to go
From your sad stare
Make my getaway
Time on my own
Needing a better way
To find my way home
To your smile
‘Have you called your son to say good night?’ he asked before bed.
Maiyuu suspects our present close phase won’t last. I’m only spending more time with him because Ball’s family has let me down.
Where do these phases lead, when we try to cut ourselves off from people who normally provide us with so much emotional sustenance?
In the absence of anything better, we probably end up back right where we started. Or as guitarist David Gilmour puts it, in Smile:
I'll make my getaway
Time on my own
Search for a better way
To find my way home
To your smile
-
Smile
(Gilmour / Samson)
Would this do
To make it all right
While sleep has taken you
Where I'm out of sight
I'll make my getaway
Time on my own
Search for a better way
To find my way home
To your smile
Wasting days and days
On this night
Always down and up
Half the night
Hopeless to reminisce
Through the dark hours
We'll only sacrifice
What time will allow us
You're sighing... sighing
All alone
Though you're right here
Now it's time to go
From your sad stare
Make my getaway
Time on my own
Needing a better way
To find my way home
To your smile
5 comments:
ReplyDeleteAnonymous3 May 2010 at 05:59
I think a little break from the family is good. I think I understand you well enough now regarding your relationship to Ball and the family, but I wonder if their 'alliance' to you is as strong as yours to them. In my long time here in BKK, most of it with my Thai partner of nearly 20 years, I sometimes question friendships I have with Thai people and how genuine they are. Or maybe it is just my Western ideal of what a friendship should be that gets in the way.
Anyhow, keep on keeping on, no matter what, you have your chef there with you and I think that is what really matters. However exciting or enthralling it is to have an adopted slum family, the relationship you have with them should be kept in a certain perspective....
BKKTom
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Anonymous3 May 2010 at 08:22
maybe the atm gives small money...not worth the hassle for entertaining the farang...they expect more $$
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Anonymous3 May 2010 at 08:55
i am very much in love with the milk chocolate icecream and fresh fruit sauce ur bf made:) will try this also:P_) the salmon also looks real nice- not dried out- for the mashed potato he needs to add use a restrainer than no lumps & add 1/4 cup of full cream but other than this its a 5* dinner dono how u survive without clogged arteries but its worth it 4sure :)
kevin
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Bkkdreamer3 May 2010 at 17:21
BkkTom: It might be your western idea of what friendship should be, getting in the way. I have the same problem.
Sometimes I find myself wondering what I am doing sitting on the hard floor of a Ball's cramped home in the slums. 'You have a nice, roomy condo with air con...why aren't you there instead?' Ball asked me once.
Friendship doesn't have to be about people telling each other what a big difference they are making to their lives.
We can find a place to belong in a family or group of friends just by being useful to each other.
I am good at acting as a sounding board for Ball (and his Mum, too); it's what I do best, and also what I enjoy the most.
That's why I am there...not because I expect him to call me every day with his news, or ask me about my own news, because I know he won't.
He has his own life to lead. He worries about his job, his girlfriend, and looking after his Mum.
However, I can help him perform those duties, if you like, by listening to his problems and offering solutions.
That's when I feel closest to Ball, because it's the time when I feel I am doing something useful, and when we are communicating best.
When I go to see him at night, I say little until almost everyone has gone to bed. Then we can talk.
Last night he told me he wants to leave his job as a security guard. His girlfriend has already left her job at the local supermarket.
He wants to work an eight-hour day, perhaps delivering pizza.
As a security guard, he is working a 12-hour day for he same wages he could earn working a regular day in a shop, or by delivering pizza, as he says.
He and Jay will visit a couple of pizza places in the next couple of days to ask about vacancies, and apply for any work he can find.
I offered to tell his Mum on his behalf, as he hasn't yet found the courage to tell her himself that he is about to quit his job.
'I can't talk to her as openly as we are talking now,' he said.
He accepted my offer of help, and suddenly I felt useful again.
I have found my place to belong, and know why I am sitting with Ball in his slum home rather than in my own condo, or enjoying the company of friends my own age.
I am helping this young man perform his duty to his employer, grlfriend and family, on his journey to becoming a man. What else am I supposed to do there...jump his bones?
Just joking about the last part. :)
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ReplyDeleteBkkdreamer3 May 2010 at 17:23
Kevin: Thank you. The potato looks soggy, but that's not because he failed to use a strainer; it's actually covered with gravy, which he made himself. I forgot to mention that in the blog post.
I hope your own experiment with the milk chocolate ice-cream and strawberry sauce works out well.
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