Putting pride first

First, the computer at home was working; now it's not.

We spent two hours in the stifling heat getting the internet connected yesterday, after waiting for the man from the telephone company to arrive, then a technician from the condo to tweak something else.

I used the computer for half an hour before it was time to go to work.

Today, the internet connection appears to be working, but the screen refuses to light up. I am undecided whether to call someone in to look for it, and lug the hard-drive to a computer repair shop at Pantip Plaza.

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On the slummy side of my condo, I dropped in to a laundry business. A young woman there told me that she services many tenants from my condo. In fact, her boss, the laundry's owner, started her business there.

Back then, she had four staff, and worked from her unit at the condo, picking up laundry around town which she washes, irons, and then returns.

Now, the business has grown so big that it employs 40 staff, and had to move to new premises - the shophouse where we talked that day on the slum side of the condo.

At my condo, some tenants have bought their own washing machine, but many have not, so send out their washing to be done elsewhere. The laundry charges a bit over B10 a piece, which is reasonable.

Not 10 metres from her shop is a bank of coin-operated washing machines. I don't know who owns them, but anyone can use them, and I have noticed Thais who live on that street taking their clothes in a washing basket there to be washed.

Which to choose?

At my old condo, the office provided four coin-operated washing machines in the carpark. At my new place, the office provides no such service, so owners (or tenants, in our case) are left to their own devices.

I am an independent type. I am not used to sending out washing to be done by a stranger, as it all seems too personal to me. If I could, I'd rather carry on doing it myself.

A large vacant lot separates the condo from the slummy side. Stray dogs and slum dwellers roam there...people who live in flimsy wooden dwellings with tin roofs.

I would like to lug my basket of clothes across the vacant lot, and wash it using the coin-operated machines which the Thais use, but am worried about it would look too down-market.

The Thais might look at me in a bad way: another farang drifter with no money! Any foreigner residents who spotted me carrying my washing basket would think the same thing.

Boyfriend Maiyuu says the coin-slot washing machines are probably dirty, and wants me to use the pick up and delivery laundry service instead. I might be independent, but I also have my pride. If I carried my washing basket around in public, then everyone would get to see my dirty clothes, not just the women at the laundry service.

I will probably give up my do-it-yourself quest, and do as he suggests.

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Maiyuu has bought a mattress for his bed, which will be delivered today. For the last few years, he has slept on a flimsy padded mattress which folds up.

I had never seen the things before I came here, but they are a common sight in Thai mattress stores, for those who lack a bed base or want to sleep close to the floor.

I feared Maiyuu would carry on sleeping rough at the new condo too, but thankfully not.

At the new place, he has a wooden bed base in his room; back at the old condo, which was unfurnished, he did not bother buying a bed base or mattress, so he slept on that wretched padded thing instead.

Cunning new scheme

I tried a cunning new scheme today. The boyfriend gets sick of me asking him to do things around home.

Today I tried setting up the computer, which has sat in the middle of the living room floor since we moved condos on Sunday.

Normally, if he is at home, he won't let me do tasks which he has offered to do himself, as he reckons he does everything so much better than this bumbling farang.

However, in some cases I have to wait days before he shows any sign of wanting to make a start, which is frustrating.

A man from the telephone company comes tomorrow to connect our line, so I thought we should set up the computer today. While Maiyuu was out shopping, I tried it myself.

I am hopeless at putting things together, but even if I attempted and failed a few times, it would be better than relying on Maiyuu to do it - especially when he has been so reluctant to help lately.

I grumbled about Maiyuu yesterday. However, by late afternoon, his spirits had improved. While I was at work, he washed the dishes, baked a cake, swept the floor.

Tonight he plans to go back to the old condo to clean it further, pay the power bill, and talk to the office about ending our lease. This morning, he went shopping for groceries.

While he was away, I pulled parts of the computer out of boxes and laid them out on the floor. When he walked in the door, Maiyuu was unhappy to see me at work.

He claimed I was cluttering the place. Actually, I suspect that my starting on the task made him feel guilty. He told me to put the components back.

'I'll do it for you later,' he said.

I refused.

'I want to do it myself. I enjoy putting together the computer,' I lied.

He stormed into his bedroom, and locked the door.

At our new place, Maiyuu has a lock on his bedroom door. When he wants to show his displeasure, he slams the door and turns the lock so I can't follow him in there.

At first, I protested, but now I let him get on with it. A couple of times, I appeased him after he flounced moodily into the bedroom.

Today I ignored him, and carried on with the computer job, which has been bugging me for days.

Ten minutes later, Maiyuu reappeared from his bedroom. He was no longer angry - in fact, it was as if nothing had happened.

'You are making a mess of it - here, let me do it,' he said.

While I sat watching, Maiyuu re-arranged the computer, monitor and printer on the desk where I had placed them.

The way I had assembled them was passable, but his was better - he created more space on the desk by tucking the hard-drive and printer underneath. Much more sensible.

I have discovered that Maiyuu prefers to do household tasks when I am not at home, as he reckons I get in the way.

Previously, I assumed he did jobs while I was away only because I nagged him before leaving.

Now I suspect he would have done the jobs anyway. As he says, maybe there is no reason to nag, as he would get around to doing most jobs himself - though preferably when he is alone.

So, for now Maiyuu is back in active mode. Soon after finishing one job, he starts on another, if he thinks I am not watching. Long may it continue.

Postscript: Some readers ask why I do not do more to help. I work outside the home; Maiyuu does not.

Rubbing along together

We have moved to our condo, which should be a fun experience, but has actually been stressful for both of us.

We are in new surroundings in the centre of town: close to shops, the tourist district. The condo is also much smarter than our last one. These are all good reasons to be happy.

I have done plenty of exploring, while the boyfriend 'rests' at home. As a Thai, Maiyuu has less need to go tramping the streets to get the feel of his new neighbourhood, it seems. Thais know their way around much better than foreigners.

However, he is showing worrying signs of slipping back into the old habits he pursued at our last place.

Maiyuu was unwell with a chest infection when we moved, which didn't help. Since we started living in our new home, he claims he has been too tired to help around home.

A pile of moving boxes sits in the middle of the main room, awaiting his attention. They are mainly his belongings...I am not allowed to empty them or find a place for the contents myself.

The move has been harder on Maiyuu than it has on me. He did most of the packing, and on top of that took on responsibility for arranging a new telephone line, and getting internet and satellite television connected.

Still, his initial response has been disappointing. Since we found a space for most of our household belongings, he has done little but sleep in front of the television.

We have yet to move out of our old condo properly. Maiyuu wanted to sell half a dozen items of furniture rather than take them with us, so left them there. They include a double bed, stereo and TV cabinet, and double wardrobe.

The rent on the old place runs out at the end of this month, but Maiyuu has shown little interest in going back to finish cleaning the rooms or prepare the furniture for sale.

After I nagged him last night, he finally took a bus back to the condo, and spent a couple of hours cleaning it.

Maiyuu is a perfectionist who works at an achingly slow pace, so many hours of work still lie ahead. Yet what would happen if the condo office were to ask for the room back?

We would have to pay another month's rent, as we have nowhere else to move the furniture.

Maiyuu claims he has spoken to the condo manager, who is happy to let him keep the furniture there for as long as it takes to sell it. I don't believe it.

'Farang would make sure we were out by the end of the month, or we would have to agree to pay more rent,' I said.

'Thais do not work like that...I have talked to them, and they understand,' he claimed.

I admit that as a Westerner, I view the world with different eyes. If I see a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, I want to wash them. If I am too busy, I expect my partner to do them instead.

The idea is that we share the burden of running the household, and do so promptly and without complaint. It is not to test each other's patience by waiting until we are living in a virtual slum before we lift a finger to help.

On Sunday afternoon, when the moving men arrived, Maiyuu was still cleaning out the fridge.

I warned him days before the move that he would have to pull finger if we wanted everything done in time, but he preferred to watch television, until it was almost too late. On the day of the move, he did not eat, or wash: he was too busy making up for lost time.

Maiyuu says the more I nag him about outstanding household chores, the less he is inclined to do them.

'I am not some servant,' he says.

That small misunderstanding over the fridge has repeated itself in different guises many times since. In most cases, we argue, forgive, then move on. However, it is testing our tolerance of each other to the limit.

Maiyuu has now agreed to do so many things around the home that I really need to start a list, and get him to tick them off once the jobs are done.

I would add jobs which I have agreed to do too, and tick them off as I finish them. My jobs would get done sooner, because as a farang I like to make progress.

Many Thais seem happier to sit around. Either that, or they know what tasks they have to perform, as they do the same tasks every day.

We have just moved into a new condo, so we are still settling in. Once we have the division of labour sorted out, hopefully we can get on with life, without worrying whether our partner will do his share of the work to keep the household running.

'Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today - because tomorrow, new problems may crop up,' I tell him.

'That's the way farang think - I'm not farang, but Thai,' he responds.

Moving men develop mind-reading skills

The boyfriend called the moving men this morning. A few moments before, I had asked him what time they were coming.

Maiyuu told me days ago that we would move to our new condo tomorrow, but as far as I could tell he had yet to arrange anything formally.

What does that mean? He had yet to give the moving men a time, or even a day.

'Today, I will call,' he said.

It's only the day before, lad - why rush?

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Maiyuu says he has now booked them for tomorrow. Failing that, he might even move tonight.

We can forget about that ambitious plan - Maiyuu has yet to pack any of the cooking or kitchen gear, which will take at least a few hours.

As I said, why rush?

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I also heard him talking on the phone to the company which supplies our satellite television service, and then to the telephone company, about putting in a new line for our internet service.

Originally, Maiyuu proposed getting them in to do that last week, but then had second thoughts, perhaps because he was not sure how to juggle all these incoming expenses.

The cost of a new phone line, satellite TV dish, and floor will come to B10,000 more than he budgeted.

He told me about the final bill today, after I asked.

Because he put them off, he is now faced with having to hire them over the next couple of days, at the same time as we are trying to move in to the new place.

Farang like to plan things, to avoid logjams just such as these. Thais just wait for disaster to hit.

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My home page is Google news.

A moment ago I opened my web browser. A story by the Wall Street Journal caught my eye:

'Impossibly hard to call a bottom'.

What on earth could they mean?

Feng shui bed distraction

Loyal reader BODYholic asked if ordinary Thais consult a Chinese astrologer's almanac before contemplating big steps such as moving to a new condo.

I am sure they do: even Thai politicians think nothing of consulting fortune tellers before taking decisions which affect the nation.

We have not consulted astrologers before our big move, which should hopefully take place on Sunday.

I am just happy if boyfriend Maiyuu can focus on packing his household belongings on time. We can leave the rest to chance.

He chose Sunday as the day for our move, not because the almanac says it might be an auspicious occasion, but simply because the traffic is lighter that day.

We might get to the new place quicker than if we left it to a weekday, when the roads are busier.

How pleasingly pragmatic! Imagine my surprise then, when Maiyuu calmly announced today that he was paying a visit to the new condo - his first in two days - to allay superstitions about the position of his bed.

When he lies on his bed, his feet are pointing at the door. According to feng shui principles, this is bad luck, so he's visiting the condo to move the bed in his room to a different position.

That's the only job he has to do while at the condo.

It's a 40-minute bus ride to the new place, but he is sufficiently worried about the bad luck which could follow from sleeping in that position that he is prepared to take the trip.

He has asked me to buy more packing boxes while he is away, as we have now run out.

You're welcome, sir. Once we have dealt with the feng shui distraction, maybe we can get back to work!