Anatomy of Thai argument

Today, I said I'd bring you a tale about the boyfriend's underpants, right? Okay, so maybe I was joking, or as one reader put it, being 'snippy'.

I had to ponder for a moment when I read that: I wasn't sure what 'snippy' meant.

Maiyuu spent most of the day yesterday getting around the condo in a pair of soft-cotton white boxer briefs. He looked great. No doubt they also felt good on his slim body.

I was looking forward to taking that body (and the thinking part of him, of course) on a walk to the local flea market, about 10 minutes from our home. In the end, I went alone, as fate intervened. In the two hours previously, we argued.

'Would you like to come with me?' I asked when it was over.

'I am no longer in the mood,' said Maiyu sadly.

I had wrecked it. Still, it was a good argument, as these things go. We talked out our problem, and now understood each other.

As we sat in front of the television last night, we started the process of rebuilding, which is always necessary after a row.

We talked about the third season of America's Got Talent, which was playing. Neither of us was really that gripped by what we saw, I suspect, but it was a way of healing the emotional wounds which had opened.

Since turning over a new leaf on this blog, I can't tell you what our argument was about. My boyfriend might read it, then I'd be in trouble again.

You will recall that a while ago, Maiyuu took a read of this blog and discovered I had been sharing our secrets...relating our domestic dramas in intimate, painful detail for the perverse enjoyment of readers.

'You tell your friends about me, but only tell them the bad things. They get a bad impression of me, and other Thais too,' he said last night.

He wasn't talking about the blog as such, but my general habit of telling people too much about our lives - all the stuff he would rather keep hidden. Oops, did I really say that?

'If a couple has problems, they should keep it between themselves.'

I am not sure I agree with that in all cases, but never mind.

We live in Bangkok, one of the world's largest cities. But sometimes the space I occupy with Maiyuu seems extremely narrow and suffocating, as if no one else's views or experience ever surface, or in his eyes, rate a mention.

The fact that I have spent most of my life overseas, where I have friends, a work history, and loving family seems not to count.

'You are in Thailand now. You want to be like a farang, you should find a farang partner. If you want to fit in, you have to be like Thais.'

Take a ride on the wild side

Here's a typical telephone conversation between a Thai and a farang.

Note the Thai's attempt to show concern by pretending to be jealous.

Actually, the barworker might actually be jealous, who knows - even if they only met the day before. Note also the plea for money.

Thai: Hello, how are you?

Farang: Fine. You?

T: I am going into hospital/my parents are sick/I am lonely.

F: That's funny...I have problems too. Would you like to hear about them?

T: Are you with girlfriend/Do you have girlfriend? You have many girls, I know...

F: No. I am single.

T: You want see me?

F: Up to you...you are the one who called me, remember?

A farang friend of mine had this conversation a while ago with a young woman of the night.

Man, woman, it makes no difference - the Thai bar worker in her comes through clearly enough.

Heading for trouble

For superstitious reasons, Maiyuu wants to move the head of my bed away from the window.

'Your head faces west, which is the same direction in which people's bodies are placed when they die.

'This is why you get ill so often,' he said.

I didn't know I get ill often. However, it is true that I often wake up with stiff joints, which previously I put down to age.

As part of this package, I will also get a desk for my computer. If my bed moves, the computer will have to go somewhere else, too.

I was pleased to hear about the computer desk, as the space I use at present is not ideal.

Superstition can be a useful thing after all!

Joys of Thai blogging: Another satisfied customer

An anonymous reader left this treat:

'Just wanted to thank you for the two years of wonderful posts. With the new direction your blog has taken I find it utterly uninteresting.

'What made your writing so compelling was that you wrote about your personal experience in a foreign land and some of us could vicariously experience every day life of a farang.

'Thanks for the wonderful read and good luck to you and Maiyuu.'

I am not sure what new direction the blog has taken, and the reader doesn't bother to explain. The posts about Thai stars? The pictures of Maiyuu's cooking treats?

The absence of tales from a Thai market where I once lived, or that hole of a drinking place I used to visit in Thon Buri?

As I said the other day, readers of this blog are happiest when I am writing about some domestic drama with Maiyuu.

Lately, we have not argued much, so I have plugged the gap with posts about Thai stars, most of which have a gay angle, or which I think are interesting anyway, even if they haven't.

No one blog can do everything, and if it's part of a vibrant blogging community, should not be seen in isolation anyway.

The number of Thai blogs written by Bangkok-resident foreigners has grown in the last six months, which is welcome. Readers can shop around.

We all link to each other anyway, so it is easy to get your daily dose from half a dozen or more blogs with a similar theme.

One day, I might serve up a tale about Maiyuu; on the same day, BB at his blog might talk about his pizza delivery guy, or the technician at his condo, while Kawadjan might bring us a tale from his Filipino friends, or his latest exotic travels in this region.

Those who enjoy news about Thai stars can find it here, or at Lyn's lakorns blog, or Dirtii-laundry blog. As you can see, no two blogs are alike.

If readers enjoy tales of misfit foreigners lashing out at Thais, or foreigners dogging the tails of moneyboys in Silom, then I suggest you go elsewhere.

I have been here nine years, for goodness sake! I am no longer interested.

The idea of living in a foreign country is trying to fit in. As a foreigner spends longer here, hopefully he will get better at it.

In that event, you should expect the number of stories about foreigners ogling over Thai good looks or the gaudy lights of Patpong to diminish.

After a while, it becomes repetitive and just dull. Or, if such stories distinguish themselves, it's usually in the clever or entertaining way they are written, as the subject matter has been covered so many times before.

Bangkok Pundit's blog is the grand-daddy of all Bangkok blogs - probably the most popular and respected blog by a foreigner writing on Thailand.

What's that about? Not Thai girls, the Silom nightlife, lifestyle issues, or any of that flim flam. It's about politics, plain and simple.

Here, you get a mix of what I think you will like, and what takes my interest, which I publish whether or not readers are likely to read it. It is, after all, my blog.

The posts about Thai stars or Thai music might seem esoteric to foreigners overseas, but they interest me. Among the recent additions to this blog are posts about Thai folk singer Thee Chaiyadej.

Not interested? Well, someone might be. Someone should tell these stories, and it might as well be me.

Just another brain growth

So I have suffered 20% hearing loss in one ear - it won't kill me.

Back at Chulalongkorn Hospital yesterday, I saw the ear specialist, who looked at the results of my hearing tests and gave me a list of possible causes for the loss of hearing which has occurred in my left ear. They are:

1. General deterioration in the nerves of my brain, probably related to age.

2. A piece of fat has broken off from where fatty deposits lie, and entered my brain through a blood vessel.

3. A non-malignant growth in my brain

We eliminated other possible causes. They were:

1. Disease, such as Aids, diabetes, syphilis

2. An accident, such as being knocked on the head.

3. Routine exposure to loud noises, such as a gun going off.

'If it's simply age, I can't account for why the hearing in your left ear has deteriorated, but your right ear remains the same, because in theory the should be deteriorating at the same rate,' said the doctor, a woman in her early 20s.

'I will ask you to have another test - a brain scan,' she said, looking sheepish.

If my brain scan came back normal, she would get me to come back every six months for regular checks. If the scan of my brain waves came back abnormal, then the next step was an X-ray.

Every time she refers to me to get this or that bodily function tested, I have to wait another couple of hours, which might not seem like much compared to the rest of my life, but is a drag nonetheless.

Then, once the test is complete, I have to make an appointment to see her another day.

Been there, done that. The public health system isn't worth the effort.

After seeing the specialist, I lined up with a dozen other patients to make my appointment for a brain scan.

The space where we queued is at the entrance of the outpatients' clinic. It was crowded and congested. Patients were coming in, an old woman in a wheelchair was trying to get out. The single nurse on duty at the appointments counter was handling this chaos alone.

Such indignities. Half an hour earlier, a young woman who escorted her able-bodied mother to the clinic told me to surrender my seat. 'Stand up!' she barked.

At the urging of the nurses, I came in early: 7.30am, only to find that the specialists don't start work until 9.30am.

I've had enough of this nonsense, I thought. After five minutes, I gave up and walked out.

At the front desk, I told the nurses that I could not see the brain scan people today. They made an appointment for me next week. I probably won't go, as I can't be bothered.

If my hearing gets worse, I shall visit a private hospital instead. Maiyuu will just have to find the money from somewhere, or I will sneak out with his blasted I-phone in the middle of the night and hock it off at the nearest corner market.

Do you hear me, lad?

Just joking. I'm the one with the difficulty hearing, not him.