Forced marriage

A Thai gay man is upset after his father told him to end his gay relationship with his boyfriend of two years, and marry a girl he has never met.

The young man, who left his story at the Pantip webboard, says his father is ashamed that his only son is in a gay relationship. He also wants grandchildren. He has told his son to end the relationship with his boyfriend, and marry the girl instead.

The author, who calls himself Kriat (stressed), says he does not want to deceive the girl into thinking that he loves her, and feels just as sorry for his boyfriend. He asked readers for advice on what to do.

'My family has always accepted my relationship. But all of a sudden, my father told me it has to end, or he will stop my financial support and leave me with nothing,' Kriat says.

His father has threatened to take away his car, cut his pay. Kriat says he has an uncle by marriage who is a gay queen. He doesn't want to end up trapped in a marriage he doesn't like. He can also feel for the woman whom his father wants him to marry.

'I once went out with a girl. We were together a long time, but ultimately I ended it because I could no longer stand deceiving myself. The girl was also in pain.

'I can't talk to my father, as he refuses to listen. I regard myself as gay, but in his eyes I am a man, and his only child. But I don't want to end up like the character in Brokeback Mountain...I don't want someone to end up hurt because of my own desires.'

Kriat's post struck a chord. At the time of writing, almost 70 readers have left responses at his Pantip webboard thread.

Readers suggested Kriat tell the girl he is really gay, and let her tell his father that she was not prepared to marry him. Others suggested he flee from home and enter the monkhood.

One other reader, a man in his 50s, said he could always marry, have a child, and make his father happy. 'You might only need to make love a couple of times, and she will be pregnant,' he said. 'She won't bother you after that.'

Another reader said he knows a gay man whose father also encouraged him to get married. The father arranged the marriage for him, just as Kriat's Dad was doing. 'He balances a gay life with married life. With his wife, he brings up two daughters. At home, he is a happy family man. Yet during the day he is free to pursue his gay lifestyle, as the owner of a clothes shop, surrounded by young male staff.

'I understand your Dad. Even though he knows you are gay, he still has expectations, especially as you are the only child. You probably can't deny the fact that as an only child you have a duty to repay your parents which you have carried since birth.'

A woman reader urged him to tell the girl. 'I am in the same situation as the girl whom your father wants you to marry. I only found out that my husband was gay after we married. If we broke up, I'd feel sorry for my parents. And would I be able to find someone else? Your life can end up ruined.'

Kriat, who is close to graduating from university, says he will probably talk to the girl, tell her he's gay, and let her decide. Perhaps she'll tell the father as well, which would save him the bother.