Scolding nanny

'Hello, Mr Sheffield...'

Maiyuu was practising a nasal drawl which he picked up from watching too many episodes of the Nanny on satellite television.

Mr Sheffield was the retired blue-blood English Broadway producer. The Nanny was his nasal-voiced, Jewish, blue-collar nanny from Queens.

When I hear Mr Sheffield's name mentioned in the house, I know Maiyuu is in a good mood, and that I can expect a delicious meal soon.

I am sorry to make such an association - it sounds mercenary - but is true: One does tend to follow the other.

Last night, moments after getting in from work, Maiyuu presented me with a dish of pasta and beef strips with chili. 'Hello, Mr Sheffield...' he said. He draws out the name Sheffield.

'Hel-lo, Mist-er Shef-fieeeeeld...'

This morning, he made a garlic bread snack.

Maiyuu had sent me down to the market yesterday to buy the bread. I misunderstood what he wanted - I thought he was after a French stick - and brought back something which looked like sliced French bread, but with raisins.

'That's no good for garlic bread,' he sniffed. 'Next time, don't buy anything.'

Later he went down and bought the bread himself. 'The 7-11 was full of it - how could you not find any?' he asked.

Well, if he had put it like that - 'sliced, white bread' - I might have had more luck. His Thai was more vague.

'Hello, Mr Sheffield,' he said as he presented me with his garlic bread snack. The bread was cut into small squares, and sprinkled with sugar.

Should I be Mr Sheffield, or the Nanny? Probably Mr Sheffield, as I cannot get even a simple bread order right.