When I dropped by yesterday, one of the toddlers had managed to lock himself in to Mum's room. His mother and Ball's younger brother Beer, who were in the living room, were figuring out ways to get the door open.
'Kick it in,' I suggested.
Someone came up with a kitchen knife, but discarded it, as it may have been too dangerous.
The drama had passed by evening when I called in again to find the door open, and no one at home but for Mr Ball, who was preparing to take a shower.
He had spent most of the day in bed nursing a head cold. Today, however, he intends applying for a job.
His friend Y, who lives nearby, has suggested they apply together, though I do not know where they intend going.
It is time Ball found a job. I am sure it will improve his self-confidence, and self-respect.
Ball sees Y almost every night, after months in which they rarely met.
I am pleased for them. Y has even less money than Ball, and asks Ball out at night to join him for a can of beer or a simple meal.
With the allowance I intend giving Mr Ball every week, Ball can afford to spend a little money on his friend as well.
It is almost a mirror the relationship I have going with Ball, only Ball, this time, is the one doing the caring for his friend Y.
Ball is getting better, and so am I. We no longer meet during the day to drink. Nor do I buy the brown stuff before work for him as I used to do in the past.
Once these were mainstays of our relationship, but I started to worry about the effect they were having on him, and the fact that spending so much on him left me with no money.
Even if I didn't drop in and buy anything, his mother would often call me at work to ask if she could put a half-bottle on tick.
I put a stop to that a couple of weeks ago, when I said that if I was not present, I would not pay for any more drinks. That's when I started keeping my distance from the family, until we reached a point in the last few days when I felt I should explain myself to Ball, as he and I were growing apart.
We now feel much closer. Mum is happier to have my calling again, as she appears to enjoy our talks. Maybe my presence in his life also has a calming effect on Mr Ball.
อารมณ์น้อยๆของคนเดียวดาย ไม่คิดเคยทำร้ายใคร
กับใจน้อยๆ ที่ล้มลงไป ไม่หวังให้ใครให้คืน
(Thee Chaiyadej, 20202)
15 comments:
ReplyDeleteAnonymous6 January 2011 at 18:00
And how does the boy friend feel about all this??
Chris
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Bkkdreamer7 January 2011 at 03:38
I'm sure he'd wish me every happiness if he knew.
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Anonymous7 January 2011 at 07:04
So you don't keep him updated?
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Bkkdreamer7 January 2011 at 07:14
We last talked about Mr B and his family a few nights ago.
I don't talk about it that often, as I suspect he wouldn't understand even if I did. I like family life; he barely seems interested.
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Anonymous7 January 2011 at 08:31
havent read this blog for awhile...glad to be back.....but....still no job..home sick (u go 2 work even when sick cuz you need the money)...still random support...now an allowance....sorry but i see this as failure to change him...and your broke in a third world country ....hmmmm
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Bkkdreamer7 January 2011 at 17:23
He will come right, I am sure of it. He's only just turned 20, for goodness sake. None of us was much good at that age, I suspect.
As for the support, I hope he learns how to make sensible decisions with money, now that I am giving him a set amount to last all week.
As for my finances, they have improved considerably since I last wrote about that.
When work comes my way, I take it, because it may not be around forever. That much is common sense.
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Hendrikbkk7 January 2011 at 21:41
Coming back to Asia from Europe last week, through that awful Heathrow, it didn't feel going back to a third world country, as mentioned by Anon.
I was in Europe during a snowy period and my god, I felt like in a third world country! No train service, airports closed, traffic jams.
In my opinion Asia is not really third world, Europe nowadays is!
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Anonymous8 January 2011 at 15:21
20yr old with pregnant girlfriend/fiance better grow up quick now...you give him an easy way out with only being 20...he hasnt grasped what you know is the golden rule
I quote you old wise one "when work comes my way...blah blah".....that is an important way of looking at work....i cant believe he hasnt kept any jobs until better has arrived instead he quit each one...prepare for disapointment and we will all hope for the best...glad finances have improved its tough everywhere
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Bkkdreamer8 January 2011 at 17:00
He still thinks like a kid, unfortunately. I am not sure that he has grasped just how much his life will change once that baby arrives.
For a start, his girlfriend Jay will assume a more dominant role.
To put in it starker terms, she is likely to get more demanding, and he will have to start appeasing her.
The mother might have to start spending more time at home looking after the child rather than mixing with her friends in the slum.
In fact, I will insist on it, if she expects her son to work full-time. He can't bring up the kid and work at the same time.
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Anonymous8 January 2011 at 17:10
ReplyDeleteOf course this may end up like many slum 'marriages', with the father f###ing off, leaving the mother to cope for herself. Used to see that all the time in the old village I lived in. Ball might be different now in your eyes, but he seems allergic to work and responsibility and boy is he going to be shocked when the baby comes. Good luck and Buddha bless both of them.
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Bkkdreamer8 January 2011 at 17:15
I am not sure Jay would tolerate him skiving off. She's more than willing to stand up for herself, judging by the arguments I have seen.
I am not prepared to let Ball carry on like that, and nor will I let the mother abdicate her responsibilities.
I am determined to make a man - and a decent father - out of him yet.
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Anonymous9 January 2011 at 10:05
You won't make a man out of him if you give him an allowance. Allowances are for children, mistresses, etc. Not for men.
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Bkkdreamer9 January 2011 at 18:40
You might be right. My feelings run hot and cold on the allowance idea, particularly wen I don't see him for days at a time.
I don't mind helping with constructive things, but I seldom see him these days to talk even about them.
I expect to pay a visit tonight, when I will inspect the lie of the land, as they say.
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Anonymous9 January 2011 at 20:22
I think it's great that you want to help with constructive things. So instead of giving him an allowance he can spend for whatever he fancies (apparently that would be alcohol more often than not), it might be a better idea to help them buy whatever you see is needed in their household. This way you'd be contributing in a beneficial way and Ball would still have an incentive to find a job.
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Bkkdreamer10 January 2011 at 06:58
Well, he is drinking much less than he did...some nights, just a couple of cans of beer.
He is keen on making the money last, so spending it on useful things such as food.
As he says himself, if he spent it on the brown stuff, he would quickly run out.
I admire the job he is making of mamaging money...it is probably the first time he has had the opportunity.
When he is working, his mother quickly claims at least half his pay to help her meet household expenses for the month.
The rest he keeps in his bank account, and draws on only when necessary. However, it does not amount to much.
I will have to contribute to useful things in the household when the baby comes along anyway, which is in another four months.
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