Standing out in the crowd

Thailand turned black yesterday for the first day of official mourning ahead of Princess Galyani Vadhana's cremation ceremony.

When I hopped on the bus to work, I noticed everyone was wearing black. I was wearing a shirt in vivid green.

I had forgotten the nation would be in mourning black, and felt embarrassed. When I left the bus and walked to work, almost everyone on the street, I noticed, was also dressed in funereal black.

Back at home, I went through my wardrobe to see if I could find anything black to wear today. I do not want to look disrespectful. How is it that Thais always know these things, but I am the last to find out?

Having a hermit for a boyfriend doesn't help. He didn't tell me everyone was wearing black, even though he had been to the local shopping mall earlier that day. Oh, well.

At work, a foreigner offered to lend me a black shirt. I declined, as I don't want to put him to any trouble.

Maybe I should have said yes. I cannot find a single item of black in my wardrobe, probably because I hate the colour.

'You can always wear white,' says boyfriend Maiyuu.

I shall take a look. I doubt I have much in white either, as I prefer bright colours. They cheer my spirits, and ensure I do not get run over by trucks walking under the dimly-lit overpass on the way to work.

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Boyfriend Maiyuu has gone back to work in the kitchen, now that pay day has arrived.

Yesterday, he made a spicy pizza, with plenty of green and yellow pepper, ham, and cheese. Last night it was multi-layered chocolate cake, made from a stack of crepes.

Today's it's jok rice soup, made with salmon. When the money runs out, he'll go back to watching television, and waiting for the next pay day to arrive.

Old skills revisited: Thai handyman, teacher

My partner Maiyuu may be a social hermit, but he does have practical uses. In the last few days, he has:

-Baked a cake with cherries and prunes, soaked in alcohol, which tastes similar to Christmas cake

-Fixed a leaking valve in a toilet cistern. The leak was responsible for a 10-fold increase in our water bill

-Replaced several tiles on the bathroom floor which had come loose. To do this job, he had to mix cement grouting, stick the tiles back in place, and train a fan on them until they were dry.

What have I done?

I have started teaching English to two new students, a boy and a girl, in the market where I live.

We meet in what used to be an internet shop, owned by a white-haired man in his 50s.

I taught both students on Monday, but yesterday the young man, who lives just two doors away, turned up alone.

My young friend is 13, and loves playing basketball and computer games. He wants to be a professional basketball player when he grows up - or failing that, a computer programmer.

I invited him to ask me anything about farang life which he had always wanted to know but was too scared to ask. The questions, with answers:

Q. Why are American basketball players so tall?
A: Their diet. Carbohydrates? Milk? Vegetables?

Q. Why do farang put their surnames first, Christian name second?
A: They don't, unless their names appear on a list

Q: What is an address book?
A: A list of email contacts

Q: What is airtime?
A: When a TV or radio show goes to air

Q: What is 'Lead me to your heart?'
A: Something which a guy says to a girl when he falls in love

Q: What is 'My heart belongs to you?'
A: Something else which a guy says to a girl in the first flush of love. He might change his mind later.

Putting the gay guy in his place

A talkative young man who studies in Thai traditional performing arts turned up at Mum's shop.

I have not seen Bor for a few months. He was the youngest of the performing arts students I used to know. Two years ago, we drank together regularly at Mum's shop in Thon Buri. Now, almost all of them have graduated and dispersed.

'I graduate this term, but will probably carry on studying, possibly at Mahidol University,' said Bor, who stood next to me at my drinking table.

'Do you have a girlfriend?'I asked.

'Yes...I have one of them now,' he said shyly.

I was drinking at a table on the sidewalk next to Mum's shop with farang C. Last time I saw Bor at the shop, farang C remarked on how he liked to touch me as we talked.

That time, Bor did not stay for a drink. Last night, he turned up with an older guy. They took a seat at the counter of Mum's hole-in-the-wall shop.

Half an hour later, a young woman joined them. Bor introduced her as his girlfriend. She gave me a wai.

'That's not really his girlfriend,' said farang C, who is straight, and claims to know the way young bucks tick.

'Look at how she sits, with a straight back. She also has her handbag in her lap, which is a bad sign. It means: ''You're not getting any of this tonight!'' ' he said.

It is true, she did look uncomfortable. Gallantly, Bor switched stools with her after the one she was one started to rock about.

Most of the seating at Mum's shop is in a sad state, as is the shop itself. I doubt Mum and her husband have the money to maintain, still less upgrade the place, as trade is so quiet.

'Maybe they just met,' I told farang C, giving Mr Bor the benefit of the doubt.

Later, a second girl joined them. Like the first, she stuck to drinking water, and nibbling at the food he had ordered from the eatery next door.

'Still, he's doing well to have two girls sniffing around him,' said farang C, ever the charmer.

After an hour of drinking whisky, Bor was looking unsteady. I called him over to sit with us. He declined.

'I am still talking to my girlfriend,' he called out.

I heard him make some remark to his friends that if he was to venture over to where I was sitting, I might try to feel him up. He was joking, but I would rather not have heard it.

His drinking companions looked up. His girlfriend turned around in her seat as if noticing me for the first time. She was smiling brightly.

She evidently likes gays, I thought to myself.

'You know why Thai girls like gays?' asked farang C. 'And by the way, you're acting camper than a row of tents tonight,' he added, which cheered my spirits even further.

I find it hard to keep the girl inside when I have a little whisky on board, it is true. Still, as with Bor's remark, I would rather not have heard it.

'Why?' I asked.

'It's because straight men can't satisfy them properly outside bed,' he said.

How profound. I should have added: 'Gay men have known that about you hopeless straight guys for years,' but I held my tongue.

TV soaps are bad for you

Is Thai television slipping in too many gay and kathoey roles into its nightly dramas, asks Kom Chad Leuk newspaper?

The paper has noticed a profusion of gay and kathoey roles in television soaps, and is worried about the influence they may be having on the nation's young.

Recent or upcoming television series with gay and kathoey roles include the drama Botun Kleep Sut Thai, comedy Sapai Look Tung, and ghost story Heep Lohn Son Winyan. Two others are Channel 7's Khun Noo Tewada, and Nam Tan Mai, which recently started filming.

In most cases the gays or kathoey are there for comedy relief. However, in Botun Kleep Sut Thai, the gay character plays a more prominent role. Played by 'Ta' Warit, he is gay, but marries and has children. While his parents are unaware of his identity, his wife discovers he has had a gay relationship with a young man.

'The series sends the message that stories like this occur in everyday life; but that whatever your sexual identity may be, we hope you are a good person - that is enough,' the newspaper said.

In Sapai Look Tung the message is similar. The gay role is taken by actor 'Job' Nithi Samutkojorn (จ๊อบ" นิธิ สมุทรโคจร), who disguises from his family his preference for men.

'The message is that while in some cases your family may not accept you if you come out, if you are a good person then there is a good chance they will.'

Nonetheless, in Heep Lohn Son Winyan, the gay character, played by 'Eak' Eakachai Euasangkomset (เอก เอกชัย เอื้อสังคมเศรษฐ์), is way out there - no hiding in the closet for him. 

Meanwhile, in Khun Noo Tewada, the gay character played by 'Klom' Noppon Pithakloopanich (กลม นพพล พิทักษ์โล่พานิช) is best friends with the male lead, played by 'Weir' Sukolwat.

Perhaps because he is there for comedy relief, he is also the stand-out character in the cast.

'Even though this story presents gays in an endearing way, if parents aren't there to give advice, young ones could end up emulating the behaviour of the gay character,' Kom Chad Leuk intones.

More gay roles are coming to television screens. Ta Warit, plays the married gay man in Botun Kleep Sut Thai, has taken on another gay role in Nam Tan Mai - his second in a row. This one has only started filming. 'Watch this space,' the paper says.

Kom Chad Leuk spoke to the Department of Mental Health about the potential influence on young minds of gay characters on television.

Department spokesman Taweesil Witsanuyothin says television dramas reflect what is already happening in society. TV dramas have more gay characters, because gays, kathoey and lesbians are popping up more often in society at large.

However, he still thinks young people are susceptible to mimicking the behaviour they see on television.

'After watching gays on television, young viewers could end up being gay themselves...though we cannot say for sure what causes people to be gay. It could be in the hormones, genes, something which takes place in the womb,' he said.

'Another possibility is that a young person who is gay but in the closet, may end up imitating what he sees on television, and start acting gay as well. For that reason, television has to be careful about the gay characters it presents on TV.'

Dr Taweesil claims Thai gays are relatively open about expressing themselves, while their counterparts elsewhere in Asia, such as Korea and Japan, are still inclined to keep such things hidden.

Thai girls getting around with shaven heads and mini-skirts are an example of the pervasive influence of the media, he reckons.

'Thais are becoming more open, but in places like Japan and Korea, people are still hiding...they are not game to show themselves. If Thais are more open about it, it could be as a result of the media,' he says.

Shedding old skin

Maiyuu is selling a large pile of his clothes and shoes to a woman in this condo who makes a living on-selling them.

A hand-written sign appeared on a noticeboard outside the lift asking if anyone in the condo has items of clothing, shoes, or jewellery to sell. She left a phone number and name.

Maiyuu says the woman lives in this condo, and has offered to buy per item, rather than buy by the kilogramme as such merchants often do.

Maiyuu's clothes - he has an enormous collection - are in good condition. I would not be happy to see this woman set a price per bag or kilogramme, as they are too good.

Two or three large rubbish bags full of his clothes have sat in my room for months...since our last big argument, in fact, when I decided to toss him out, and put his clothes in bags to help him get the message that he was no longer welcome.

He has never bothered unpacking the bags and putting his clothes back in the wardrobe, perhaps because he realised he did not need half of them.

Gone are the days when Maiyuu went socialising constantly. He rarely goes out any more, so does not need so much fancy gear.

He told me the other day about his plan to sell clothes to this woman, but it wasn't until 1.30 this morning, as I contemplated going to bed, that he decided to start sorting.

He dragged the bags into his room and started arranging the clothes into piles of 'to sell' and 'to keep'. He further sorted the pile of 'to sell' clothes into trousers, shorts, shirts, and jackets. Later he added shoes, and bags.

In some phases of my life, I have sold personal items in garage sales which I later regretted losing ...including LPs (vinyl records, for younger readers) which are probably valuable now. I would like to have kept them, if only for old times' sake.

It was time to dispense some caring advice to my hermit-like boyfriend. I don't want him selling perfectly good clothes which he will later miss.

'I know you don't go out much any more...' I said hesitantly.

'It's boring,' he said.

'Still, there may come a day when you want to re-enter the real world...to leave the condo and interact with people again,' I said.

'Don't sell all your clothes, or you will have to go out in your underwear,' I said.

Maiyu laughed.

I don't know why he feels the need to sell his clothes. It is like shedding an old skin. What will the new Maiyuu be like? I don't know how he really thinks of himself these days.