Teaching beckons, touching necktie moment

I want to go back to work teaching, to meet Thais, and keep my mind off other, more troubling things.

I enjoy teaching English to Thais, and haven't done it for months.

Today I visited a large noodle place on soi Amorn, the slummy side of my condo.

I have been in there once or twice before, and noticed that it is popular with tertiary students.

When I visited this morning, I was the only customer, but I noticed that two or three tables had been pulled together by previous customers, probably students. They like to grab a noodle before class.

The place, which has potted plants and Buddha spirit houses on the perimeter, and also sells tea, coffee, and fresh fruit juice, is run by a husband and wife couple, who were joined today by their son. While I waited for my noodle, I heard Dad ask his son, aged about 18, about work.

'You can't just sit around here all day doing nothing,' he said.

His son, who wore jeans and a black T-shirt, looked rough, like part of the local element. When young men who work in the street walked past, he called out. A few came in to chat.

Dad's conversation with his son reminded me of the ones I have with Maiyuu. I was delighted to witness it.  He didn’t look too interested in what his father had to say. I know the feeling!

When Dad started reprimanding his son, the young man looked around at me, to see if he should feel embarrassed. No, it was just some farang, who can't understand the language.

It was safe to carry on, so he did. I can't tell you what else was said, as the traffic outside the shop was too noisy.

I will go back tomorrow, and ask Mum and Dad if they would like their son to learn English when he is not working, to keep his mind occupied.

If that fails, I shall ask them if I can leave a notice in the shop advertising my services as a teacher to any tertiary students who might be interested.

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A touching scene between two security guards at my condo: A guy in his 50s was doing up a necktie for a new recruit, aged in his early 20s.

The new guy wore a cap, crisp white shirt, and blue trousers...standard uniform for the guards at our place.

The older guy and I have spoken half a dozen times since I moved in. He was showing the new guy the ropes.

The young man stood there obediently as the older one did up his tie.

Then the young one undid his trousers, to tuck in his shirt.

'Go into the guards room to do that,' said the older man, perhaps concerned that this farang's modesty would be offended by the sight of a security guard in a state of half-undress.

I went out to do errands. An hour later, as I walked past the guards station, the young one gave me a big smile, and a salute. Thank you! He's off to a good start.

Invasion of privacy, Patsy lament

I am in trouble after Maiyuu yesterday found some of my recent blog posts about him.

'You talk about my life in too much detail. When people meet me after reading your blog they will hold me in contempt,' he says.

I told Maiyuu that my purpose in writing about him is to show that our lives can still work together, even if we come from different backgrounds and cultures.

However, that sounds lame. I agree with him, I have been disclosing too much detail about our lives.

Ultimately it is no one else's business but our own, and I do not want to hurt my own boyfriend by writing stories about him for the benefit of readers on the internet who don't even know us.

'I don't use your real name, nor my own,' I reminded him.

'I know that, but I still meet your friends, some of whom will have read your blog. You tell people that I have no education, that I am this, that...'

Finding those posts must have hurt, but I have never hidden the blog from Maiyuu.

I have asked him to write for it more than once, and when he read it yesterday it was at my own invitation.

He just spent more time with the thing than he normally does...though probably not long enough to know that I also write flattering things about our relationship, when it is going well.

'I don't mind if you criticise me...you just write too much about our lives, as some of that stuff should remain private.'

You know what? I am inclined to agree ... I do say too much. From now on I shall try to be more circumspect and judicious about what I offer readers on this blog.

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Blogger Bangkok Bugle writes that True Visions - provider of our satellite TV service - intends axing the BBC Entertainment channel from its line-up this month.

I enjoy watching British dramas, sitcoms and soaps. Maiyuu and I are addicted to re-runs of Absolutely Fabulous - so much so that we remind each other during the day whenever the adventures of Patsy and Eddie are next due to pop up on our TV.

If the BCC is axed, then True can probably kiss our subscription goodbye. See Bangkok Bugle's post here [link deleted - it died]. He is encouraging subscribers to join an email campaign against the change. I have sent my protest email; I encourage other readers who feel the same way to do the same.

Carefree Thai boyfriends, passing the living-together test

Fellow blogger BB reckons Bangkok 'must be one of the worst places in the world to find a boyfriend'.

They are unreliable, childish, speak a different language, and are hopeless in bed, he says. But it's not just him alone - see the comments left in response to his main post here.

A follow-up is here.

I can't speak from experience, as I have had only one Thai boyfriend.

At times, he has been all of the above. It depends on when you ask me.

Readers of this blog have remarked more than once about how my moods swing drastically from one day to the next: one moment, the boyfriend is in my good books. The next, he's a loser, and I can't wait to go back overseas.

Fine, I say: You try living with one!

Occasionally I feel sorry for Maiyuu. I wonder if he has anyone who really understands him, other than this most unreliable of candidates - me. His own friends rarely ask him what he is doing with his life.

Likewise, he rarely asks them about any of the things which as farang we regard as important: Do you have a job? How's it going? How's the boyfriend, family? Are you happy?

They talk about other things...I can't remember quite what, as I do not mix with Maiyuu and his friends.

He has gone out for three of the last four nights. They must find something to talk about, even if it's none of the important stuff.

Miayuu's purchase of an I-Phone over my objections will have far-reaching repercussions for our relationship, because Maiyuu will have to work to meet the hire purchase payments every month.

Earlier, he proposed finding the money from my earnings, by cutting down on the amount he spends cooking and baking.

Later, after I objected, he agreed that I should not have to pay for the purchase. He will find the money himself, he says.

That means no more idle days spent at home watching TV, or, as the mood takes him, baking up delights he has seen on Martha Stewart's show.

He might well enjoy being a nester - making our condo cosy for when I come home at night - but that only works as long as we do not feel the financial pinch.

Since he has bought his blasted I-Phone, Maiyuu has in any case reverted to being a kid.

He rarely ventures into the kitchen any more, still less does anything with me outdoors, such as walking to the supermarket, or visiting the condo pool. He devotes every moment to exploring the inner recesses of his I-Phone - downloading this, poking away at that.

Fascinating - except Maiyuu is now an adult, aged 30 (or is it 31).

Hopefully, the novelty will fade before too long, because he's capable of so much better.

Judging by comments left in response to BB's blog posts, foreigners look for Thai boyfriends who are playful, childish and cute.

Oh, please. Is it because Thai guys look cute, that we assume they should act cute as well? Stand up all those foreigners who have lived with Thais, and still think their main duty in life is to be 'cute'.

I doubt many foreigners would tolerate a Thai partner who - abandoning himself to the childish behaviour which his foreigner boyfriend supposedly encourages - spends recklessly, won't work and is not prepared to pay his way.

If we have to live with these people every day, our 'specs' would soon change. We would demand our Thai mate starts thinking and acting like an adult, because a partnership demands nothing less.

No one person should have to do everything in a relationship. We have to help each other get through the day. If that sounds unromantic to you, that's because it is - life is a chore, and there's no getting around it.

Kitchen lonely, phone busy, stomach empty

They say you are what you eat. Since Maiyuu bought his I-Phone, he has hardly been near the kitchen. My diet has suffered as a result.

This morning, I made a salad sandwich with - erk - white bread.

My health is suffering, as Steve Jobs's finances improve. Computer geeks have turned a generation of young people into drones...spending their days bent over cellphones.

Maiyuu spends most of his time in his room in a cloud of cigarette smoke, where he can shut the door and play with his I-phone in peace.

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A moment ago, I saw Maiyuu take a welder to the inside of his computer. The CD drive is sticky, so he has taken apart the 'tower' (I'm told the word 'hard drive' is wrong) with a screwdriver and is now rooting around back there with a welder.

Why the frenetic activity? Maiyuu has been downloading CDs on to his I-Phone. He can't do it if the CD drive is stuck, so he needs to find a solution.

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'What do you want to do today?' I asked Maiyuu hesitantly. 'Would you like to go for a swim with me?'

I say hesitantly, because Maiyuu does not like me asking that question. To his mind, I am implying that he wastes his days doing nothing.

'No...I might start baking,' he said, looking glum.

Ah! Maybe he is about to start baking for the woman who runs the coffee shop in town, who has agreed to take his baking for sale in his shop.

No wonder he looks depressed - Maiyuu does not like working, or at any rate would rather just play with his cellphone all day.

Just light another cigarette, boy, and take it easy.

The farang will go out to work, even if your own effort is half-hearted. Someone has to make money to pay the bills, after all.

Hard work = money = bills get paid. Of course I love you, Maiyuu!

So, I’m being mean to poor little Maiyuu, am I?

A cautionary word to foreigners inclined to judge: even harmless looking Thais – those who don’t have use of the farang’s ATM card – can end up causing mischief.

I don't mind giving Maiyuu the benefit of the doubt. He probably deserves it, as he does most things for the sake of us both as a couple.

But the phone purchase still came as a shock, as I had advised against it previously, and I thought he knew better than to get into hire purchase debt.

Some readers say I swing drastically from one mood to the next: keen on the boyfriend one moment, talking about leaving him the next.

Maybe I did go over the top yesterday, venting about how his purchase of an I-Phone might bring our relationship to an early end.

I can see now that if had not bought the thing on HP, he may have missed the chance to own one, as we do not have that kind of cash lying around.

‘You are the only one who spends money in big chunks,’ Maiyuu reminded me today – B6000 for a pair of glasses recently, B10,000 (or whatever) every time I buy a new computer. He has a point.

Maiyuu and I had a small argument today over his I-Phone, after he caught me in an unguarded moment looking stressed.

He knew why I was worried: money. And he knows what set it off: his I-Phone purchase on tick, which we must now repay at a rate of B900 a month for the next two years.

It’s not the price, which is cheap. It’s that we could probably find some other use for that money over time. In a month, I might need to visit the dentist, or the computer might break down again. What then?

Maiyuu has offered a solution. We shall start a separate savings plan, by putting aside B1000 a month to meet such incidental expenses. He has also – sound the trumpets! – decided to get a job.

Last night he stayed at a friend’s place to attend a housewarming ceremony. While there, he spoke to the sister of one of his gay friends. She runs a coffee shop in town, and has agreed to take his bakery produce for sale in her shop.

Maiyuu hasn’t gone into fussy, farang-style details, such as how much baking he will sell, or how much he is likely to earn. That’s all for the future, or – I suspect – the never-never.

However, he did give me this other piece of welcome news:

‘You won’t have to pay for the phone. I shall pay for it out of money I earn myself.’

Excellent. Bring it on. It’s about time my boyfriend found himself a job. I don’t love him so much that I can tolerate such eccentric conduct with the finances. He spends with impunity because he doesn’t have to pay the bills.

Now that he has agreed to find that B900 a month himself, we’ll see how much he really wanted that phone – or whether he thought the boyfriend would simply pay for it without complaint.