Strange signals: Thais, raise little finger; farang, scowl

I passed a foreigner moving out of our condo.

He had deposited his household possessions on the ground floor, and with the help of his girlfriend was moving them out piece by piece to a truck in the courtyard.

I know how awkward it feels to have your life on display as you are moving from one place to another.

I felt like I was invading their privacy. I could hardly stare at their stuff, still less (perish the thought), pick over it, like a shopper at a weekend market.

‘Oh, that’s a nice hanging basket – where did you get that then, luv?’

They had bought similar stuff to us, I noted approvingly.

Outside, the cleaner’s child was playing. He could have been a girl, but was probably a boy.

‘Mum – who’s this?’ he asked, as he saw me approach.

‘A farang,’ I answered for him. ‘I live here.’

He said nothing, but raised one pinky finger in the air.

I looked at him. What was this, code?

‘What does that mean?’ I asked.

‘It means, Okay,’ he said.

Do kids not talk any more, but use hand signals?

As I approached the lift, I came face to face with the foreigner tenant. He gave me a hostile look, as if I was intruding on his space.

I get used to that look from foreigners here. It is like they have discovered paradise, and don’t want anyone else to share it.

The Look says: 'Listen mate, I’m an old hand here. Buzz off!’

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I visited the pool twice today without seeing anyone, as usual. It’s quiet up there, even when the sun is out.

Thais don’t like the sun, so stay away until late afternoon. But where are the foreigners?

It's a Saturday morning, so perhaps they are busy taking in Bangkok.

I have been here too long (longer even than the owner of that childish hostile stare, I dare say), so am all fascinated out.

Back to the past: Template change relief

Alert readers will notice that I have gone back to a stretchy version of the old template, with a single-column sidebar on the right.

I will leave it up for the time being to see if I can live with it on the right; my eye instinctively looks for these things on the left.

Readers were unhappy with the old template, as the column width for posts was too narrow. I agree. The search box was also hopeless.

For this template, I have downloaded a new Google-powered blog search engine, which is more accurate than the search engine on the old template.

I am open to suggestions, but for the kind which say: ‘I preferred the old template better. Change it.’

PS: Hopefully Adsense clicks (for ads which take your interest only, please) will also improve. Lately they have all but died, perhaps because readers disliked the new design.

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Diary-style posts will resume after pay day on Monday. For now I am posting entertainment news only, as our household budget is in lockdown mode – in plain terms, we have run out of money.

Once the money comes in again, I am sure we will have more adventures worth sharing.

Mercenary critics, thoughtful gestures

Some readers find my tales about the boyfriend over finances frustrating. When he does something to let me down, I complain about it. Readers offer their solutions or 'take' on what has happened.

I ignore them, criticise you, or defend the boyfriend. Then we start over.

Our arguments over money always pass, as they aren't important enough to cause deep frictions.

All relationships have their ups and downs, and ours has been through its fair share.

Farang readers offer their own ideas about how I should treat Maiuyuu, based on their own experience of relationships with Thais, or perhaps the prevailing stereotype.

Great. But those models won’t always work for me, or I would have adopted them by now.

I hope you enjoy my stories about life with Maiyuu. But it’s just us, living together; it’s not some relationship beauty-pageant, where readers are invited to assess him on his merits as a Thai boyfriend.

For some readers, it's inevitably about power. I am always weak, and Maiyuu the tyrant.

The stories about Maiyuu’s kitchen creations, or some of the pleasant times we share together, are mere distractions.

According to one anonymous critic, ours is a relationship of convenience in which I hire Maiyuu to make food for me. He is a mere roommate, not a boyfriend, as he falls short of what a boyfriend should be.
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I placed a cup on the kitchen table, and put a teabag in it.

I walked away while water for my tea was boiling.

When I came back, I found Maiyuu had put a cupcake and biscuit, both of which he made, on a serving dish for me.

That was a thoughtful touch, which he did without fanfare. He’s a great kid, and I love him for it.

Money-box troubles tucked away

Our little household is happy again. Boyfriend Maiyuu and I have put our troubles over the money box behind us. As the saying goes, we are ‘moving on’.

I have not seen the little savings box again, but I no longer care. I shall carry on saving, but do it myself.

We were saving for unexpected bills, and to pay for Maiyuu’s dental treatment, which I want him to start at the end of the year.

However, Maiyuu was worried that I would dip into the box and use the money for other things. If I was a poor saver and lavish spender, we would have nothing left for his teeth.

Rather than put the savings box in peril by leaving it in my room, he has now taken it away, and hidden it somewhere else.

I have not asked where it now rests. He can have it.

Maiyuu’s opportunities for squandering our money are limited, as he spends most of his days at home. He rarely goes out, even when I am work.

The boyfriend knows that if he spends money on other people then we end up with less money to spend on ourselves.

Fellow blogger Natalie, from the My Jungle Life blog, left the following response to yesterday’s post:

Hi Bkk dreamer, its always so hard the money thing. My husband's sister works for us, I support her and her two daughters and pay her a moderate salary. She has no living costs, I take care of everything and really she has more disposable income than I do yet she continues to ask me for a laptop for her daughter.

I've just paid for the daughter's surgery, and this month her mother has had 5,000 baht as a gift, plus her salary, and about 4,000 baht of tips.

With no living costs she could easily have saved up for a laptop over the last six weeks alone if she really put her mind to it but her choice is to fritter her money day to day, and then ask me who she perceives as loaded, for a computer. Which isn't a critical item for a teenager AT ALL.

I save my money, budget carefully, spend nothing on myself, and end up paying all the emergencies as I'm the only person who saves. Then on top I get asked for luxury items like laptops. I find it really frustrating and a little disheartening.-

My response:

Next time someone needs a limb stitched back on, I am sure they will come to you first, just as they have in the past.

You have less disposable income than they do. But you do have money set aside for events such as these because you are prudent, and plan.

I have found that with many Thais, a simple ‘No’ works. If we can’t do it, then we just can’t do it.

Most Thais I know are reluctant to impose. They look out for me, because they know that as an 'innocent' farang, I could be parted from my money by ruthless Thais.

However, families are different.

If you didn't make allowance for such eventualities yourself, and instead turned up on *their* doorstop wanting help, the Thais would do what they could, I am sure.

They probably take the view that as family, you are all in this together, no matter who does the saving or has the money.

However, that approach to life won't suit many Westerners.

We don't do things as a village or a commune, but as a family unit.

That doesn't make it any easier to say 'no', of course. So you could say yes - but with conditions attached.

If the girl wants a laptop, she should work for it.

If there’s no work for her to do, or if there’s no money to pay her, then she will have to wait.

We would apply the same rules to our own children, so why not theirs.

Savings box scheme ends

The little savings box is no more.

Maiyuu has hidden it in his room, and with it the B2,000 we saved.

I started the savings scheme because I believe we needed money set aside for unexpected bills.

We also decided to put the money towards dental treatment which Maiyuu has has been putting off for years, but which I have persuaded him to start at the end of this year.

I suspect Maiyuu will need many visits to catch up on basic maintenance ... remove rotten teeth, or fill them. We need to have money set aside, or the bills will be hard to pay.

Our humble savings scheme encountered problems from the start, when Maiyuu, worried I would dip into our savings to pay general expenses, removed the cash in the box every two weeks just before pay day, when money is short and I might be tempted to raid it. 

After pay day, when we were flush again, he would replace it, as he knew I would no longer be tempted.

Eventually he bought a lock for the box, which sat in my bedroom.

Yesterday I picked up the thing and gave it a shake. I could not hear the sound of money rattling about inside as I had in the past.

I suspected Maiyuu had helped himself to the money one day, and squirreled it away in his room.

I took the box out to the kitchen where he was working, and asked him where the money had gone.

Angry, he took the box away and hid it in his room. He insists he has not removed the money, but to be honest I no longer care.

‘Savings schemes require commitment on both sides,’ I told him. ‘I want you to get dental treatment because you have put it off for long enough.

‘We are approaching our 10th anniversary; I want to have something to show for it,’ I said.

I can see now that I should never have enlisted Maiyuu's involvement in the savings scheme, as he does not understand its importance.

He’s Thai, so he lives from day to day.

If he wants to save for his teeth now, he shall have to do it alone, as I will no longer offer to contribute.

I shall put aside money for unexpected bills, but I will do it alone. He won’t be told when, or how much.

The BF’s feral behaviour where money is concerned is unfortunate, as it limits his options. 
‘If there is no box, I can no longer save for your teeth,’ I told him.

I was prepared to put aside my own money every month to help pay for his teeth. No more...now, he’ll have to do it himself.

‘Once, in the West, I saved I deposit for a home,’ I told Maiyuu. ‘My girlfriend and I lived frugally for years. It was tough, but it was a joint commitment, which made reaching the goal easier. In the end of it we were able to buy our first home.’

For Maiyuu, the discipline of putting aside money has just become that much harder, as I will no longer be there urging him to do so.